eekysign
New Member
Hey....just came from posting in your boarding school thread, read through this one.
I guess all I can offer is this: I know it seems like the end of the world, but you are absolutely seeing average teen behavior, from what you've told us. She's betrayed your trust, and deserves consequences from that, and definitely a trip to the doctor's office to get her started with the GYN processes she'll have for the rest of her life.
But honestly? I don't know a single friend that DIDN'T do something very similar when we were that age-ish. I waited a year or two more (16-17), but kids are more advanced these days---I'm not saying that makes it right, but I am TOTALLY unsurprised.
I had boys over when my parents weren't home, etc. Did you guys all seriously not do this at 15, 16, 17 years old? At least she's got a boyfriend that says he loves her---worst case scenario would be her just acting out for "fun". THIS is better, believe me!
I'm really not defending her. But she's a 15 y/o with raging hormones, who's "in love" with her boyfriend. You've done everything right---you sat her down and talked about consequences of sex, expressed disappointment, etc. But to consider boarding school for your easy child for this? I dunno, hon. This is WAY normal for all the girls I grew up with. All of our parents handled this by explaining how we'd betrayed their trust, grounded us/restricted privileges, took us to the GYN, and made it clear that we weren't to do it again. AND encouraged us to come to them and discuss things. And, usually, we still hid things from our parents, but at least we were THINKING first before acting. It's just normal sexual development, in my humble opinion.
She's gonna be on her own in three years, you gotta set her up now to understand sex is something you think about, just because someone says he loves you doesn't necessarily mean it'll last, and that lying to your parents about it is unnecessary, 'cause they'll understand. You have to learn to understand that what she's up to isn't "disgusting" or something that should make you "want to vomit". Kids can sense that kind of thing, and it shuts them down even more, ie, "Oh god, I want to do it, but it obviously disgusts Mom, so I won't tell her, then she'll still love me and not think I'm disgusting." Teens don't want to talk to their parents about icky subjects like this anyway, and you have to expect that they are going to lie to you. Unless they truly believe you won't yell or judge, they are NOT going to tell you what's going on. They just aren't.
You can tell her all the risks til you're blue in the face....she still wants to go through with it. But use this as a learning experience for her, and talk to her again, without yelling or judging. Just a disappointed Mom, who wants her girl to be safe. Sending her away would be overkill, I think. You'll give her complexes about sex----AND about telling you ANYthing that's going on in her life. Almost all 15 y/os want to have sex. Period. As adults, our job is to make 'em hold off a bit, and be safe, but understand that they DO WANT TO HAVE SEX. Hehehe.
I guess all I can offer is this: I know it seems like the end of the world, but you are absolutely seeing average teen behavior, from what you've told us. She's betrayed your trust, and deserves consequences from that, and definitely a trip to the doctor's office to get her started with the GYN processes she'll have for the rest of her life.
But honestly? I don't know a single friend that DIDN'T do something very similar when we were that age-ish. I waited a year or two more (16-17), but kids are more advanced these days---I'm not saying that makes it right, but I am TOTALLY unsurprised.
I had boys over when my parents weren't home, etc. Did you guys all seriously not do this at 15, 16, 17 years old? At least she's got a boyfriend that says he loves her---worst case scenario would be her just acting out for "fun". THIS is better, believe me!I'm really not defending her. But she's a 15 y/o with raging hormones, who's "in love" with her boyfriend. You've done everything right---you sat her down and talked about consequences of sex, expressed disappointment, etc. But to consider boarding school for your easy child for this? I dunno, hon. This is WAY normal for all the girls I grew up with. All of our parents handled this by explaining how we'd betrayed their trust, grounded us/restricted privileges, took us to the GYN, and made it clear that we weren't to do it again. AND encouraged us to come to them and discuss things. And, usually, we still hid things from our parents, but at least we were THINKING first before acting. It's just normal sexual development, in my humble opinion.
She's gonna be on her own in three years, you gotta set her up now to understand sex is something you think about, just because someone says he loves you doesn't necessarily mean it'll last, and that lying to your parents about it is unnecessary, 'cause they'll understand. You have to learn to understand that what she's up to isn't "disgusting" or something that should make you "want to vomit". Kids can sense that kind of thing, and it shuts them down even more, ie, "Oh god, I want to do it, but it obviously disgusts Mom, so I won't tell her, then she'll still love me and not think I'm disgusting." Teens don't want to talk to their parents about icky subjects like this anyway, and you have to expect that they are going to lie to you. Unless they truly believe you won't yell or judge, they are NOT going to tell you what's going on. They just aren't.
You can tell her all the risks til you're blue in the face....she still wants to go through with it. But use this as a learning experience for her, and talk to her again, without yelling or judging. Just a disappointed Mom, who wants her girl to be safe. Sending her away would be overkill, I think. You'll give her complexes about sex----AND about telling you ANYthing that's going on in her life. Almost all 15 y/os want to have sex. Period. As adults, our job is to make 'em hold off a bit, and be safe, but understand that they DO WANT TO HAVE SEX. Hehehe.
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