Well, difficult child didn't go to school

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Didn't need to even make a new title. It was just in the drop down menu. I calle dher in unexcused. She is on the couch. She said that she is so exhausted that she would rather die than continue like this. And, I am at the end of my rope. I really have no idea what the h3ll to do about it. No one will listen to me. She said that it started in November, and it is just getting worse and worse and worse. I am trying to tell everyone that will listen that she has a problem, but they keep dismissing it as the depression. That may be part of it, but that is not all of it. I truly believe that the lack of quality sleep is causing a part of the depression. Both started around the same time. And, I know that everyone says that the depression causes sleepiness, but she has been doing so well. She has been working the DBT skills, doing homework some here, but alot at school. Her grades have been pretty good, and she has had no outbursts at all. This may seem like a silly question, but what the heck do I do to make people listen to me?
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Has she had a sleep study done to see if she has sleep apnea?
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Depression may cause sleepiness, but sleepiness can also cause depression. She needs to have a sleep study done to find out why she is always tired.
  4. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    No. We have asked, and no one will listen. They just keep saying it is part of the depression. She actually wants one done to see what is wrong with her. This morning she was saying that she physically could not get out of bed. And when I went upstairs at 10 last night she was already sound asleep. She can sleep 16 hours and we need to wake her up. We have told people this, and it has not raised a red flag for anyone!! We have talked to her pediatrician. her therapist and her psychiatrist. my therapist is the only one that said something isn't right with this. Of course my therapist can do nothing about it. We are supposed to start the IOP program tonight. Who knows now.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Did you talk to the pediatrician about a sleep study? I always call my pediatrician Q's filter and moderator... I tell him I count on him to watch what all the others are doing and look at the big picture. He loves that role and has no problem telling one hand what the foot is doing to cause problems with their brilliant theory.

    How many unexcused absenses before they have to call dhs? In one school system I shared an office with the social worker who was really great. She explained to me how it worked there. After X number of unexcused tardi arrivals or absences, they had to call dhs. They would press charges for educational neglect against the parents no matter the cause.

    I would just make sure you know. Maybe ask the social worker if she can tell difficult child that there is a chance she would have to go to a group home or some such drama that will make her go through force if this continues.

    My mom gave each of us 4 mental health days (our choice to stay home due to stress or whatever) per year. BUT we never had school grade issues.

    So sorry.... I know this is really hard and disappointing... But I do remember you talking that you figured it was WHEN not IF it started again....

    The IOP may do far more good.... the other just gave a little stress break, really did nothing to change anything so this is not unexpected, right?

    HUGS and SUPPORT and LOVE, Dee
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I wish I had an answer for you.

    Onyxx still gets a lot of headaches. I KNOW, KNOW, KNOW they are caused by her not sleeping. She says they are not. (She's 16, what the H does she know - and when I don't get enough sleep, my head hurts. DUH. Even the docs agree with me...)

    Depression causes either insomnia OR sleeping a lot - OR BOTH. And lack of sleep can cause depression symptoms to worsen. So you're in a Catch-22.

    Can you try to demand a sleep study? I don't know what else... :hugs:
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I need to ask this.....If you really do believe she has a problem that is causing this sleepiness, why did you call her in UNexcused? That is what I used for just plain refusing to go. I agree with the others. Talk to your family medical doctor and get a referral for a sleep study. Have you ever heard of nighttime seizures or sleep seizures? That's what I'm beginning to wonder about now. There IS something really wrong.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am confused. You called her in "unexcused" but you think she's got a physical problem ... mixed messages. Just saying.
    I would be searching under rocks for a dr to do a sleep study.
    Sit next to her on the couch and go through the Yellow Pages together. That will keep her in the loop.
  9. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Yes, I did call her in unexcused. I do not want her to think that she can use this as an excuse. She may have a physical issue going on. We do not know yet. But, she is also very manipulative. I need her to know that if she is faking we will call her bluff. Besides I am following the plan that was set up when she left PHP. And, she agreed to all of the terms. I am trying very hard to be consistent with her. That is part of the problem. We are letting natural consequences take place. "That is fine that you are going to be tardy. But, after 4 tardies you get an hour detention." Plus I wanted school to know. I think it would be rude to not call.
    I took her since she was home to get her blood work done, and then dropped her off at school. We also have a pediatrician. appointment. at 11:30 this morning to talk about all of this and do everything we can to force a sleep study.
  10. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Was there a sudden onset of depression in November? Do you think there was an event that precipitated it?
  11. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I don't think the depression got any worse than it has been. She just said that she started being really tired in Nov. She said her mind isn't tired anymore since she is off the Zoloft, but that she is just physically exhausted. And like I have said before, she can sleep 16+ hours, and we have to wake her up when she gets to that point because we want to be able to sleep that night. I have no idea. Just get frustrated.
  12. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    why is she just having bloodwork today?

    wasnt it prescribed way before christmas???

    really dont understand why you allowed it to wait--maybe i'm confused? then again, i didnt really understand your explanation then, that you were waiting to see what the psychiatrist had to say/add before doing it because of her fear of needles--i take fear very seriously, but not at the expense of health...

    i'd personally be on the phone with every dr. tom, d*ck and harry to find someone to assess the medical situation...i'd leave no stone unturned, and rule out every single medical cause i could before i pinned it all on "just depression". i'd be making appointments with neuros, endos, gynos, and whomever else i could think of. heck, i'd take her to a podiatrist if i thought they'd be able to help.

    and if your current doctors don't like it, too bad.

    its YOUR kid.
  13. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    We are home form the pediatrician. appointment. A sleep study has been scheduled for the 9th. And the blood work was on hold per the psychiatrist. She did it, and we will have the results soon. So we are hoping that either the sleep study or blood work will show what is going on. difficult child and I were talking on the way home from the pediatrician. appointment. and she said her depression has gotten better, but she has become more tired. She said she is so tired of being tired. She wants to not be so sleepy. That was a big clue to me that it os more than just the oh she is so tired because she is depressed.
  14. Adarob

    Adarob New Member

    Has she been checked for thyroid issues?
  15. somerset

    somerset Member

    My daughter has the exact same problem. SHe was referred for a sleep study by her neurologist (who shes sees for migraines) in 2010, but difficult child made such a stink about not wanting to do it, and there were so many other things going on at that time, that I let it go. difficult child now agrees to do it, but the referral had expired and I had trouble getting the neuro to do another one. Now she's got an appointment for the study, but they're so booked up it won't be til mid-March. I will be very interested in your daughter's results.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    A sleep study has been scheduled for the 9th ... She did it, and we will have the results soon.

    In regard to thyroid issues, I assume the bloodwork included thyroid, mono, Epstein-Barr and glucose, right?
  17. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Terry yes yes and yes to all of the blood work. I am hoping we see something. getting ready to walk out the door to IOP. If I can get her up that is.
  18. buddy

    buddy New Member

    HI! Just got back, wow you were busy! Lots of wondering and hoping and praying she will be ok, HUH? Glad you got your blood work done that will give you some amount of peace of mind just to have it done.

    YIPEE for the sleep study. At least you will know if there is an issue and what direction to go.....

    Here's hoping she gets her cute little bottom to school tomorrow! (and that she feels well enough to go.... if she really does feel that exhausted) HUGS, Dee
  19. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I am SOOOO glad to hear that the pediatrician. agreed to the sleep study. I think there is alot more going on here besides depression.
  20. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Could it be CFS? She's coming up on the 6 month mark, and according to the diagnostic criteria for CFS (I'm going from criteria from about 20 years ago, I knew the researchers who helped develop the CDC criteria then) you have to have had the symptoms for at least 6 months, and other possible causes need to be excluded. However, depression is specifically listed as not excluding a CFS diagnosis. The Aussie researcher who did a lot of work on this (I saw him present a paper on it in 1988) is Prof Ian Hickie, a psychiatrist. He proved statistically that depression in CFS has the same incidence as depression in the otherwise healthy population - 25%. He also made the point, often, that if you HAVE the symptoms of CFS, you would be pretty strange to NOT feel depressed! I concur...

    It is possible that doctors have been thinking CFS, but with symptom onset less than six months, they could not really go there before now.

    Sleep study will be useful, whatever the problem. Blood tests can rule out other more serious conditions but I'm betting that the findings of blood tests and sleep study will both be inconclusive (very frustrating). In which case - that is the time to ask if CFS should be on the table.

    To live with CFS - it is natural when you feel ill or exhausted, to go to bed and rest. And it is natural when we care for someone like this, that we allow them to do it. But with CFS you have to make the mental transition from short-term acute illness to long-term chronic, and change mindset towards the condition. That doesn't mean you totally ignore the problems and pretend nothing is wrong (which is how some doctors have handled it - badly, in my opinion) but you do need to learn what you can push through, and what you can't. Rest when you need to but limit it somewhat. Push a little but learn your limits. Do as much as you can while you can then rest little and often.

    If it's CFS, then even her waking moments will have "brain fog" affecting her ability to learn. Again, you would find the same with slow recovery from Epstein-Barr (glandular fever). I lost a year of uni to glandular fever; I had recovered physically, or so I thought, after a couple of months. But when I looked back at photos of myself a year later, you could see the puffy face, the exhaustion etc. I remember an exercise at uni in statistics which randomly put us into three groups to exercise. One group had to stay in the lab, the next group had to walk up two flights of stairs and back, the third group (mine) had to do four flights of stairs. We then had to measure our pulse rate (having already takern resting pulse) and the results entered. My results were so badly out of whack that the lecturer made me lie down on the floor to rest until my pulse rate slowed below 130. My data set was removed from the class data because you coud see on the graph, it was one wildly aberrant result. My glandular fever history (a year earlier) was considered to be the problem.

    I did not get CFS from that episode of glandular fever. I recovered from the glandular fever, but it took about 18 months.