tryingtobestrong
Active Member
Most of you know the history of my son with the alcoholism... Tried getting him help when in college and he refused. Moved away and the drinking escalated. Got a DUI, spend a night in jail, 1 year probation. Once off of probation, sold his car with the excuse it was too expensive to have the breathalyzer in ...
Went back to drinking and longterm girlfriend left him in 2018... He spiraled down rapidly and then went to rehab but quit after 2 weeks, a few weeks later - detox and IOP only to get kicked out because he kept smoking weed and drank because of the death of his friend... 4 weeks later- detox and inpatient for 28 days. It was recommended he go to sober living and do IOP. He refused sober living and did IOP- quit that after 4 weeks said he didn't need it and was getting nothing out of it. Made it a total of 88 days sober and relapsed in 11/2018. December 2018 asked if we would help him get into sober living because he was so bad into booze and cocaine that he was afraid to die... We dropped everything, flew 1700 miles, rented a car, hired movers to put his belongings in storage, paid $3k+ his rent to break the lease, he lasted 30 days in sober living and refused to do their IOP and quit... Got himself an apartment and started drinking all over again.
4 months later was so bad he went to detox and did a PHP... not sure how long he made it after that... Then in Sept 2019 was missing work and drunk and was told he was going to get written up if he didn't get into work so drove a bike drunk and hit the curve and smashed his face against the curve... concussion, bruised face so badly eye was swollen shut. One would think that would have got his attention... Nope, right back to drinking, called me in Jan. of this year and said he didn't want to live that way anymore.. sweet talked my parents into helping him with his credit card debt...didn't stay sober more than 3 weeks... fast forward to now... lost another girlfriend. Is saying he is not going back down that road but is refusing to go to sober living, to go to IOP. He says he will do AA meetings... Doesn't want to break his lease but doesn't want to stay there because he wants to look for a roommate so he won't be alone. Was asking us to break the lease so he could look for a new place with a roommate. If we don't help, he will never be able to move on since his lease is another 8 months..
I told him I am not going to put out more money if he isn't working a program... I get well AA is a program... There is no accountability with AA. He has lied so many years that he was sober and wasn't ...
He talked about breaking the lease and moving home...UGH so he could save up money and then move somewhere.
I am not sure I can tolerate him living here again. There are no friends here for him either. He never listened to rules when he was here before.
Just wanted your thoughts.
I feel like if he worked a program where there was accountability and did it for 6 months, then maybe we would help with a down payment on a car but no way would we buy him a car.
Last night he was on the phone with my husband and talked like he would consider it and then 15 minutes later told me no way.
Last night he sent me a nice picture with a Bible verse on and then today the conversation got escalated very fast when I refused to foot the bill for the lease break. It is not safe for him to be alone in his apartment. He is having high anxiety with that. I guess the reminders of drinking there and the girlfriend and how he treated her... I get that he wants to move.... I get that he is strapped for money but that is because of all the booze he was buying.
I don't know if there is a way to get out of lease if there is a medical condition. If he doesn't get help or stop drinking he won't be here long. The work from home really affected him as well. Depression and relapse. His company won't be opening up until 2021 so that is 5 more months of sitting alone in his apartment working.
Just looking for thoughts, ideas.
Went back to drinking and longterm girlfriend left him in 2018... He spiraled down rapidly and then went to rehab but quit after 2 weeks, a few weeks later - detox and IOP only to get kicked out because he kept smoking weed and drank because of the death of his friend... 4 weeks later- detox and inpatient for 28 days. It was recommended he go to sober living and do IOP. He refused sober living and did IOP- quit that after 4 weeks said he didn't need it and was getting nothing out of it. Made it a total of 88 days sober and relapsed in 11/2018. December 2018 asked if we would help him get into sober living because he was so bad into booze and cocaine that he was afraid to die... We dropped everything, flew 1700 miles, rented a car, hired movers to put his belongings in storage, paid $3k+ his rent to break the lease, he lasted 30 days in sober living and refused to do their IOP and quit... Got himself an apartment and started drinking all over again.
4 months later was so bad he went to detox and did a PHP... not sure how long he made it after that... Then in Sept 2019 was missing work and drunk and was told he was going to get written up if he didn't get into work so drove a bike drunk and hit the curve and smashed his face against the curve... concussion, bruised face so badly eye was swollen shut. One would think that would have got his attention... Nope, right back to drinking, called me in Jan. of this year and said he didn't want to live that way anymore.. sweet talked my parents into helping him with his credit card debt...didn't stay sober more than 3 weeks... fast forward to now... lost another girlfriend. Is saying he is not going back down that road but is refusing to go to sober living, to go to IOP. He says he will do AA meetings... Doesn't want to break his lease but doesn't want to stay there because he wants to look for a roommate so he won't be alone. Was asking us to break the lease so he could look for a new place with a roommate. If we don't help, he will never be able to move on since his lease is another 8 months..
I told him I am not going to put out more money if he isn't working a program... I get well AA is a program... There is no accountability with AA. He has lied so many years that he was sober and wasn't ...
He talked about breaking the lease and moving home...UGH so he could save up money and then move somewhere.
I am not sure I can tolerate him living here again. There are no friends here for him either. He never listened to rules when he was here before.
Just wanted your thoughts.
I feel like if he worked a program where there was accountability and did it for 6 months, then maybe we would help with a down payment on a car but no way would we buy him a car.
Last night he was on the phone with my husband and talked like he would consider it and then 15 minutes later told me no way.
Last night he sent me a nice picture with a Bible verse on and then today the conversation got escalated very fast when I refused to foot the bill for the lease break. It is not safe for him to be alone in his apartment. He is having high anxiety with that. I guess the reminders of drinking there and the girlfriend and how he treated her... I get that he wants to move.... I get that he is strapped for money but that is because of all the booze he was buying.
I don't know if there is a way to get out of lease if there is a medical condition. If he doesn't get help or stop drinking he won't be here long. The work from home really affected him as well. Depression and relapse. His company won't be opening up until 2021 so that is 5 more months of sitting alone in his apartment working.
Just looking for thoughts, ideas.