what's next???

[goingcrazyinwv]

I'm not sure what is going to happen next with difficult child. She pretty much does what she wants, took a knife to school got expelled for a year now she is smoking. husband found cigarette butts and 2 lighters in her purse we ask easy child if she was smoking and he said she was. When I ask her about it she didn't even try to deny it she just ask me how I found out. I ask her if her friends mom let her smoke and she said yes and then she tells me because her friends mom let her smoke she didn't know it was bad. She knows it is bad she is just trying to get herself out of trouble. She is going to be 12 on tuesday I'm just wondering if it is this bad now what is it going to be like in a few years? I know I don't have it as bad as some people but man I don't know how much more I can take.

 

[dadside]

I can't predict what will happen next if you just let her go along her own way, but none of it is likely to be good. To change that I think you'll have to more closely monitor and restrict her time -- who she sees, when, where, under what conditions (and with what supervision). Also, was she allowed back in school after the suspension? Does she have an IEP? If yes to the IEP question, you may be able to get counseling services added to help her overall development. Finally, try to direct her time into wholesome activities - perhaps sports teams with good adult supervisiion and coaching, or some other organized youth groups.

 

[AnnieO]

Lots of hugs... I know how you feel... I'm sorry this is happening.

 

[goingcrazyinwv]

No she is not allowed back to school next year since the knife incident happened just two weeks ago. She will go to an alternative learning center. Also we do not have an iep, everytime I ask the school about one I am told she doesn't qualify. As for friends she only has two the girl she kept getting into trouble with she is no longer aloud around and the other girl is a really good kid. She hasn't been seeing any friends for now just family. Hopefully therapy and the psychiatrist can help us out.

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry. The road ahead does NOT sound smooth at all.

Are there any teen programs in your area this summer? When Wiz was home from the psychiatric hospital we sent him to a teen camp at the Y for the summer. The leader of the group was really good with the kids and he learned a lot about how other kids his age behave. Not all wonderful, but helped him to be more "normal" at school the next year. Actually made a BIG difference in how he acted with the other kids the next school year. Just be SURE to keep tabs on the leader. The next summer the leader was NOT effective and an entire group of teens was banned from the Y in our town until they reach 18. Wiz wasn't attending, but I know some of the staff at the Y and the leader was a real difficult child.

Some program like that might give you a break, if nothing else. Be careful when you ask easy child about difficult child. It is inviting difficult child to rage at him. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, though.

 

[busywend]

Do NOT let the school tell you she does not qualify. I heard this for so many years.

Send them a letter requesting an evaluation for an IEP. They have to respond within so many days and it has to be scheduled withint a certain amount of days as well. Send it certified.

Get yourself an advocate (they should send you a list once the meeting is scheduled) they are free.