and you get kicked solidly in the teeth, you must laugh or... flood the state with your tears. Somehow husband are still laughing, albeit a wee bit hysterically and while holding onto each other for dear life.
thank you is still thank you, coming up with unrealistic schemes so he can get a job with big $$ and minimal effort. He's not living here, not my problem. At least we don't have listen to the plans or try to bring him back to reality. His car is still in our driveway.
Diva developed a "chain" of enlarged lymph nodes on her neck Wednesday. I called MD Thursday who prescribed antibiotics, but then got text from Diva at school saying neck really was hurting. Being me, I immediately go for worst case scenario and decide meningitis needs to be ruled out, though in the back of my head I'm thinking she doesn't have classic symptoms, i.e. she's not acutely ill, no fever, etc. Run up to Urgent Care, where an MD prescribes antiinflammatories after checking D's blood work (which was blessedly normal across the board). I kept her home Friday.
Diva had ring mass Sat night (sophomores get their class rings during a mass for them and families). I decided to go and let husband stay home with Boo because it's snowing (again), the van drives like a brick in snow, and there's not a single place in the area that is truly wheelchair accessible due to the massive volume of snow that has never had a chance to melt.
A half hour before we're supposed to leave for mass, I notice Boo has a funny look on his face and then notice that next to him, husband is just reaming someone out on the phone about getting a job, not ruining his life, etc. I'm thinking it's thank you, but then realize it's Weeburt, who is in his second semester at college. husband is HOT, which is completely out of character for him. So I take phone and discover Wee hasn't gone to class for 2 weeks, didn't go to class last couple weeks of first semester, ergo dismal but passing grades. He doesn't think school is "going to work out." Wee is actually A) telling us how he feels (which he never does, being the poster child for stoicism and/or emotionally completely bottled up) and B) crying. Holy cow.
husband is obviously in no condition to deal with this, and I unfortunately have experience with this, having dropped out after a month at Emory. So - quick change of plans. husband, Boo, Diva will go to ring mass. I will drive (in snow storm and dark, which is not my friend these days) 2 hours, which turned into 3+ due to weather, to make sure Wee is okay, or at least not contemplating something *really* stupid.
Of course, in the middle of all this, husband's work calls his cell first and then the home phone. husband just screams at me not to touch the phone. In hindsight, kind of .... no, actually *very* funny. husband isn't a screamer. And work rarely calls him - like once every 2 months or so. Timing is everything.
Wee is stoic, and wicked stubborn. He has absolutely no plans. At least I was going to leave school to be a waitress in Wyoming, LOL. He sees no point in school because he has no goals. ARGH! The boy is incredibly smart, truly gifted, and about as motivated as a slug - long history there. So I make it down there, we talk, I tell him he's making a *huge* mistake, think about it, we love him unconditionally, it's his choice, *huge* mistake to leave, but again his life that he gets to define, but if he comes home he needs to remember that we are no longer under any obligation to house/feed/clothe him, and basically he needs to get his s*** together, whichever way he chooses. He cannot play on the computer for the next umpteen years, and if he thinks there's no point in college, he ain't *seen* no point until he's working a minimum wage job, trying to pay the electric bill (voice of experience from both his parents). I reminded him that husband and I *are* going to die someday and he needs to make his own life. Parting plan is he has to make a decision and *act* on it - either get his posterior to classes and make up what he's missed, or go and do official withdrawal so that we're not out the whole semester in tuition.
And I told him to do his da** laundry!!! Honestly - he has not done laundry once, not *once* while at school. I told him that that is just inexcusable. I don't give a darn how lazy or unmotivated he is, there are some things, as humans, we have to do. How he can shower daily and then put on dirty clothes is just beyond me. OMG. Seriously....
I call my father yesterday from dorm parking lot to wish him a happy 79th b-day, and to apologize for quitting school 30+ years ago. Or more accurately, apologize for putting *him* through that, because I now know exactly what he felt at the time. It was a bit surreal to hear my father's words come out of my mouth as I talked to Wee. Dad is a funny man, I think the source of my very dark humor. He said he wished he could help with Wee, but *obviously* he had no clue of how to keep a kid in school. ROFL. He asks about other kids. thank you... well, whatever. Diva - lymph nodes. Dad tells me he had one when he was 25 that they ended up cutting out, but he's sure medical science has progressed since then. I told him I was pretty sure we would find out exactly *how* much it's progressed, unfortunately.
Drive home in sunshine, past multiple cars that had slid off the highway during my trip south on Sat. night, to find Diva still with sore neck and lymph nodes. She has concert at school to play in - I literally pass out on couch (emotional overload) so husband took her up to school. They get home however many hours later and now cannot move her neck from side to side, said something "popped" in the opposite side from her lymph nodes (definitely not spine) and now the whole thing hurts. I call MD, who had someone else on call. He calls me back, thankfully asks I think all the right questions, we rule out meningitis again based on symptoms, and switch to ibuprofen.
So... Diva is home, I'm calling MD first thing this morning. Weeburt I'm sure is dropping out of college. Will have to get him license (which he does *not* want) and who knows what to drive. He has to get a job - I love Wee dearly, he was in many ways my easiest kid, but he is not terribly adept at social interactions - I'm worried about him getting a job, much less holding onto one given his motivation issues. I told husband we should just buy foreclosed house across the street and put both boys in it. Not sure I was joking.
In the wee hours of Sunday morning, husband and I were trying to figure out how things got so utterly fouled up. We're good people, I think. Work hard, are honest, believe in the golden rule, etc. Volunteer at school and in the community, try to do good and set good example. I'm not sure how we ended up here. I really feel like we let our kids down, somehow, somewhere. I am trying to hold onto the thought that at some point our kids stop being a reflection of our skills as parents and start being a reflection of their own selves, but having a hard time holding onto that.
So.... anyhoo.... just had to vent and since you guys are the extent of my support group, thought I'd provide a little light reading this morning. And the beat goes on.......
thank you is still thank you, coming up with unrealistic schemes so he can get a job with big $$ and minimal effort. He's not living here, not my problem. At least we don't have listen to the plans or try to bring him back to reality. His car is still in our driveway.
Diva developed a "chain" of enlarged lymph nodes on her neck Wednesday. I called MD Thursday who prescribed antibiotics, but then got text from Diva at school saying neck really was hurting. Being me, I immediately go for worst case scenario and decide meningitis needs to be ruled out, though in the back of my head I'm thinking she doesn't have classic symptoms, i.e. she's not acutely ill, no fever, etc. Run up to Urgent Care, where an MD prescribes antiinflammatories after checking D's blood work (which was blessedly normal across the board). I kept her home Friday.
Diva had ring mass Sat night (sophomores get their class rings during a mass for them and families). I decided to go and let husband stay home with Boo because it's snowing (again), the van drives like a brick in snow, and there's not a single place in the area that is truly wheelchair accessible due to the massive volume of snow that has never had a chance to melt.
A half hour before we're supposed to leave for mass, I notice Boo has a funny look on his face and then notice that next to him, husband is just reaming someone out on the phone about getting a job, not ruining his life, etc. I'm thinking it's thank you, but then realize it's Weeburt, who is in his second semester at college. husband is HOT, which is completely out of character for him. So I take phone and discover Wee hasn't gone to class for 2 weeks, didn't go to class last couple weeks of first semester, ergo dismal but passing grades. He doesn't think school is "going to work out." Wee is actually A) telling us how he feels (which he never does, being the poster child for stoicism and/or emotionally completely bottled up) and B) crying. Holy cow.
husband is obviously in no condition to deal with this, and I unfortunately have experience with this, having dropped out after a month at Emory. So - quick change of plans. husband, Boo, Diva will go to ring mass. I will drive (in snow storm and dark, which is not my friend these days) 2 hours, which turned into 3+ due to weather, to make sure Wee is okay, or at least not contemplating something *really* stupid.
Of course, in the middle of all this, husband's work calls his cell first and then the home phone. husband just screams at me not to touch the phone. In hindsight, kind of .... no, actually *very* funny. husband isn't a screamer. And work rarely calls him - like once every 2 months or so. Timing is everything.
Wee is stoic, and wicked stubborn. He has absolutely no plans. At least I was going to leave school to be a waitress in Wyoming, LOL. He sees no point in school because he has no goals. ARGH! The boy is incredibly smart, truly gifted, and about as motivated as a slug - long history there. So I make it down there, we talk, I tell him he's making a *huge* mistake, think about it, we love him unconditionally, it's his choice, *huge* mistake to leave, but again his life that he gets to define, but if he comes home he needs to remember that we are no longer under any obligation to house/feed/clothe him, and basically he needs to get his s*** together, whichever way he chooses. He cannot play on the computer for the next umpteen years, and if he thinks there's no point in college, he ain't *seen* no point until he's working a minimum wage job, trying to pay the electric bill (voice of experience from both his parents). I reminded him that husband and I *are* going to die someday and he needs to make his own life. Parting plan is he has to make a decision and *act* on it - either get his posterior to classes and make up what he's missed, or go and do official withdrawal so that we're not out the whole semester in tuition.
And I told him to do his da** laundry!!! Honestly - he has not done laundry once, not *once* while at school. I told him that that is just inexcusable. I don't give a darn how lazy or unmotivated he is, there are some things, as humans, we have to do. How he can shower daily and then put on dirty clothes is just beyond me. OMG. Seriously....
I call my father yesterday from dorm parking lot to wish him a happy 79th b-day, and to apologize for quitting school 30+ years ago. Or more accurately, apologize for putting *him* through that, because I now know exactly what he felt at the time. It was a bit surreal to hear my father's words come out of my mouth as I talked to Wee. Dad is a funny man, I think the source of my very dark humor. He said he wished he could help with Wee, but *obviously* he had no clue of how to keep a kid in school. ROFL. He asks about other kids. thank you... well, whatever. Diva - lymph nodes. Dad tells me he had one when he was 25 that they ended up cutting out, but he's sure medical science has progressed since then. I told him I was pretty sure we would find out exactly *how* much it's progressed, unfortunately.
Drive home in sunshine, past multiple cars that had slid off the highway during my trip south on Sat. night, to find Diva still with sore neck and lymph nodes. She has concert at school to play in - I literally pass out on couch (emotional overload) so husband took her up to school. They get home however many hours later and now cannot move her neck from side to side, said something "popped" in the opposite side from her lymph nodes (definitely not spine) and now the whole thing hurts. I call MD, who had someone else on call. He calls me back, thankfully asks I think all the right questions, we rule out meningitis again based on symptoms, and switch to ibuprofen.
So... Diva is home, I'm calling MD first thing this morning. Weeburt I'm sure is dropping out of college. Will have to get him license (which he does *not* want) and who knows what to drive. He has to get a job - I love Wee dearly, he was in many ways my easiest kid, but he is not terribly adept at social interactions - I'm worried about him getting a job, much less holding onto one given his motivation issues. I told husband we should just buy foreclosed house across the street and put both boys in it. Not sure I was joking.
In the wee hours of Sunday morning, husband and I were trying to figure out how things got so utterly fouled up. We're good people, I think. Work hard, are honest, believe in the golden rule, etc. Volunteer at school and in the community, try to do good and set good example. I'm not sure how we ended up here. I really feel like we let our kids down, somehow, somewhere. I am trying to hold onto the thought that at some point our kids stop being a reflection of our skills as parents and start being a reflection of their own selves, but having a hard time holding onto that.
So.... anyhoo.... just had to vent and since you guys are the extent of my support group, thought I'd provide a little light reading this morning. And the beat goes on.......