witzend
Well-Known Member
When was the last time that you went out to a movie or museum or farmer's market or anything that had no point other than to just be enjoyable?
Every weekend I hope that we will do something. Take a walk with the dogs in the park. Go to a movie that I would like to see. ie: something other than Harry Potter and whatever the visiting Japanese kid wants to see. Drive up to the mountain or down to the coast.
Every weekend I get up and husband either sleeps until noon and can't get moving, or he is on the computer playing World of Warcraft. He and I have been in therapy since January this time. We are talking about our need to get him to see beyond his nose, and for me to stop being angry that he won't do anything by getting him to know that he has to do something.
Allan grew up as one of those kids whose house was literally so horrible that he never told anyone where he lived. The city condemned his house out from under his family and took it away. He took it upon himself to keep his room livable, and from time to time cleared out the house as best he could.
therapist advised me to make a list of things that I have asked husband to do and give it to husband. Some things are the usual things you expect an able bodied man to do. Mow the lawn and edge. Other things are the things that he has been asked 40 or 50 times to do but won't. Example - two years ago we remodeled our bath. We put a glass brick wall in the shower, and it needs to be caulked at the top. I have been asking for two years. I actually got him to buy caulk again - the last tube dried up months ago - two weeks ago. It's sitting on the bathroom counter by his toothbrush. It would take 10 minutes. There are probably twenty 10 minute jobs like this on his list. He won't look at the list.
He would never do this to his coworkers. He takes great pride in his ability to follow through on any job and finish it in a way that no one else would. But here we are, nine months into therapy, and he can't turn off that stupid computer. I talked to him last weekend because Sunday I got up and there he was with his WoW. I cleaned house for over 4 hours until I was so tired that I literally had trouble holding my head upright to blowdry it after my shower. I asked him to vacuum. With my disability he knows he needs to and has agreed to help with this stuff. It took him over an hour to get to that, and then he was right back to WoW. Of course, in that time, I saw five other things I needed help with but I needed to keep him on task to get to the vacuuming, so I did them all myself. I asked him a dozen times over the week to brush Bubba. He brushed Mandy because he likes her better.
I see the weekend as an opportunity to get some cleaning done - we have two dogs for crying out loud! - and maybe a task or two, early in the day Saturday. Then I can say "Let's go out to a movie", or a drive, or whatever. husband sees it as time to play WoW. His excuse to not do anything is that he wants to leave cleaning until 10:00 PM Sunday night because then he'll be able to pick up more dirt. What a crock!
:grrr:
He says that he plays WoW and waits until I ask him to do something specific because he wants to be sure that he's doing what I would ask. Jeez Louise! How difficult is it to figure out that I'm going to want to sweep and mop this weekend - again! Not to mention that not once in 24 years has he ever just bought me a cup of coffee, or said "Let's go out." Not once! He would sit in that computer room and never speak a word to me if it didn't have to do with eating or sex.
I'm beginning to hate the weekends. It's the same thing every time. We live an hour from the mountains, the ocean, or the wine country, theres a big expo center and a convention center and neighborhood events and we never do anything. Except once in a great while I plan something. Then it's his big contribution to show up.
Sorry for the rant. This was supposed to be short!
Every weekend I hope that we will do something. Take a walk with the dogs in the park. Go to a movie that I would like to see. ie: something other than Harry Potter and whatever the visiting Japanese kid wants to see. Drive up to the mountain or down to the coast.
Every weekend I get up and husband either sleeps until noon and can't get moving, or he is on the computer playing World of Warcraft. He and I have been in therapy since January this time. We are talking about our need to get him to see beyond his nose, and for me to stop being angry that he won't do anything by getting him to know that he has to do something.
Allan grew up as one of those kids whose house was literally so horrible that he never told anyone where he lived. The city condemned his house out from under his family and took it away. He took it upon himself to keep his room livable, and from time to time cleared out the house as best he could.
therapist advised me to make a list of things that I have asked husband to do and give it to husband. Some things are the usual things you expect an able bodied man to do. Mow the lawn and edge. Other things are the things that he has been asked 40 or 50 times to do but won't. Example - two years ago we remodeled our bath. We put a glass brick wall in the shower, and it needs to be caulked at the top. I have been asking for two years. I actually got him to buy caulk again - the last tube dried up months ago - two weeks ago. It's sitting on the bathroom counter by his toothbrush. It would take 10 minutes. There are probably twenty 10 minute jobs like this on his list. He won't look at the list.
He would never do this to his coworkers. He takes great pride in his ability to follow through on any job and finish it in a way that no one else would. But here we are, nine months into therapy, and he can't turn off that stupid computer. I talked to him last weekend because Sunday I got up and there he was with his WoW. I cleaned house for over 4 hours until I was so tired that I literally had trouble holding my head upright to blowdry it after my shower. I asked him to vacuum. With my disability he knows he needs to and has agreed to help with this stuff. It took him over an hour to get to that, and then he was right back to WoW. Of course, in that time, I saw five other things I needed help with but I needed to keep him on task to get to the vacuuming, so I did them all myself. I asked him a dozen times over the week to brush Bubba. He brushed Mandy because he likes her better.
I see the weekend as an opportunity to get some cleaning done - we have two dogs for crying out loud! - and maybe a task or two, early in the day Saturday. Then I can say "Let's go out to a movie", or a drive, or whatever. husband sees it as time to play WoW. His excuse to not do anything is that he wants to leave cleaning until 10:00 PM Sunday night because then he'll be able to pick up more dirt. What a crock!
:grrr:
He says that he plays WoW and waits until I ask him to do something specific because he wants to be sure that he's doing what I would ask. Jeez Louise! How difficult is it to figure out that I'm going to want to sweep and mop this weekend - again! Not to mention that not once in 24 years has he ever just bought me a cup of coffee, or said "Let's go out." Not once! He would sit in that computer room and never speak a word to me if it didn't have to do with eating or sex.
I'm beginning to hate the weekends. It's the same thing every time. We live an hour from the mountains, the ocean, or the wine country, theres a big expo center and a convention center and neighborhood events and we never do anything. Except once in a great while I plan something. Then it's his big contribution to show up.
Sorry for the rant. This was supposed to be short!