I'm a stay at home mom of four boys all of which have ADHD, & two of them have argumentative defiant disorder, my husband also has ADHD. My husband has battled substance abuse throughout our 20+ years of marriage until last year when he received treatment and stopped drinking. Two years ago my son (16 at the time) who has both illnesses was experimenting with various substances. I don't know what all he tried or how often, but seeing him drunk or whatever it was a handful of times caused me to become very concerned. I tried talking with him to no avail, set clear consequences for being intoxicated, truant from school, and causing disruptions in the house. He continued to break rules, act out, and use and when a consequence was imposed became confrontational. One morning I went to get him up for school and his younger brother said to let him sleep that he was sick, confused I asked how he knew. He explained that the 16 yr old was vomiting so fiercely that he (12 yr old) had sat at his big brothers beside making sure he was alright. Heart wrenching. So I check on my son who was fine when I went to bed and sure enough he was ill from some kind of substance so I let him stay home. When he got up later that afternoon he walked down the hall a few feet and feel to the floor violently shaking. Terrified I screamed for my husband but by the time he got to us the seizure passed. My 12 yr old also witnessed the seizure and was really scared for his brother and began to cry. Trying to comfort him before his fencing class we left my husband to deal with the 18 yr old and went driving to talk. The 12 yr old explained that the 18 yr old had gotten into Adderall XR 30 MG and snorted a bunch of it the night before in front of him. He said his eyes kept rolling into the back of his head, he would shake, and finally puked his guts out. Mortified that he had seen all this I ask why he didn't just come get me, his response - the 18 yr old would make his life awful if he ratted him out!?! I set up an intake appointment with a residential substance abuse center. My son said he would stop using and that he didn't want to go get help, I explained that I could not go to sleep nightly wandering if when I went to wake him each morning if he would be dead or not, he apologized and promised to quit. My husband didn't want me to take him because he thought our son would feel abandoned so I explained to my husband that I realized that I was out of my league and our son needed real help. My husband asked me to give our son one more chance. The next day after school my son didn't come home, anxious and on edge I waited. Finally around eight o'clock he came home, stoned out of his mind. The next morning my son was given the choice of being dropped off to rehab or at the police department but that either way he could not stay home anymore. He asked what the police would do to him and wanted time to think it over. I gave him three hours. Finally he agreed to go to treatment. Thirty five days later he was released and we moved an hour away from where we were living to give him a completely fresh start. I explained that this was his only chance and if he chose drugs again he would be emancipated and thrown out since I have other children to consider. Well he did alright, smoking pot (I don't approve of this, but it doesn't disrupt the household) every now and then but never anything else. His senior year he's doing okay but not great until about 3/4 way through the year. Today. We were going to buy him a nice used car for his graduation and wanted him to pick it out, that became a huge ordeal involving many arguments now he's two weeks from graduation and still no car. He also decided he wanted his teeth straightened out so I took him to the orthodontist and got him braces which he ripped off the next day while at school. Twice recently after the braces ordeal he has borrowed my car and not returned at the agreed upon time. For all of this he offers no explanation just a shrug of the shoulders. My knee jerk reaction is that his clothes on on the porch when he returns from school today, I'm writing this instead. He has never had a job, has quit every sport or activity he ever tried, has no motivation whatsoever, is chronically late for school even with me waking him up several times and driving him. I'm so over this drama and just want it to go away but fear what will happen to him if I actually throw him out. Dear God give me some advice!