TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
I picked up difficult child at his girlfriend's house to go to his monthly PO mtng. First of all, he was supposed to come straight home on the bus, and instead, he took a different bus to her house because she'd been home all day, so he brought her math homework over. He's supposed to come straight home.
I told him that we could pick up his girlfriend on the way home from the PO, they could do homework together, and then when I went out to dinner with-husband, I'd drop her back off at her house.
He insisted that they were spending the evening together (8:15 instead of 5:45) and he ranted and raved at me all the way to the PO mtng. I almost slammed on the brakes and pulled over but somehow kept going. At one point, I told him I was no longer speaking to him, so he said, "Fine, I'll talk to myself." So he had this conversation about why he should be allowed to see her and what they would be doing the entire time (homework, chores) and then my part of the conversation ... think, Ellen DeGeneris with-a male voice, lol! I went from angry to almost bursting out laughing in 1.1 seconds.
Then for whatever reason, I got angry again (he knows how to push my buttons and he said some cruel things) and when we got to the PO, they pulled a surprise drug test (he was fine) and the PO was so happy and cheerful--she's the one who said she wants to give kids a chance and everything is love and joy and butterflies--and I wanted to smack her--but she could see that I was close to tears and difficult child was agitated.
He was doing the leg/foot tapping thing, his ears were bright red, his lips were pursed, he wouldn't make eye contact, all of that.
"What's going on, difficult child?"
"Nothing."
Meanwhile, she's holding his grades, which contain two Fs and a D. He's got 2 wks left in this semester to catch up.
He finally told her, and she completely, I mean completely changed her tune. This little (5'1") bundle of energy turned into a Prime Time Braxton Family Values episode. I wanted to shout, "You GO!"
"Your FIRST mistake was taking the wrong bus."
"But she needed her math homework."
"Listen to me. I SAID your FIRST MISTAKE. Don't argue."
He argues, then finally shuts up.
"It is your reponsibility to take care of YOU, not her. Second, your mother is allowed and expected to express her opinion."
"I never said she couldn't. But I get to express mine."
"No, you don't. You need to keep it to yourself."
"But--"
"No BUT. You are so agitated today. I haven't seen you like this before. You taking any medicine?"
She also said, "You've got to listen to the hard stuff and not overreact like you are. You've got to listen to the hard stuff."
I'm sorry he was backsliding but I am so glad she was able to see what goes on behind the scenes. been there done that with-pediatricians, teachers ...
She also held up the grades and said, "If my kids came home with grades like this, I'd be sayin' something. I'd be doin' something. This is not just your mom being mean. She cares about you and she cares about your grades."
"No she doesn't."
She went on to ask him what he wanted to do for work, and said that education, particularly higher education, is a must if you want any job that's not a dead-end. He insisted he could get where he wanted with-the grades he has, he can pull himself up by himself, he doesn't need a 504, totally into magical thinking and grandiosity. It really cemented my belief that he is bipolar. Plus, the b&w thinking and rigidity that goes with-Asperger's.
He listed why each of the grades was not exactly correct and what he had already done to pull up the grade, and blah blah blah, but he's stressed now because everyone is on his case and he's running out of time ... well, whose problem is that?
I told that PO that we'd been trying to let him run his own show, at the urging of the teachers who wanted him to learn to function with-o our help, but as of the 504 mtng, we decided to go back to everything we did in elementary school: the timer, the assignments, taking the bus home immediately and all of that. She understood.
The PO finally shook her head and started doing the paperwork, made another appointment, gave him her card and told him to call her. When she left the room to make copies, I told difficult child that he needed to take a clonidine because I was not driving home with the same drama we had on the way to the mtng. He said he wanted to do his chores really fast and still be with-his girlfriend and I said, "You have to meet me halfway. Take a clonidine."
He did (in the car). We picked up his girlfriend and they folded 3 loads of wash, set up his work area for NILD, and several other things. He always works well when he's got an immediate goal right in front of his nose. Okay, and with-a bit of clonidine in his system. He ate, too, which got his blood sugar up.
I told him that we could pick up his girlfriend on the way home from the PO, they could do homework together, and then when I went out to dinner with-husband, I'd drop her back off at her house.
He insisted that they were spending the evening together (8:15 instead of 5:45) and he ranted and raved at me all the way to the PO mtng. I almost slammed on the brakes and pulled over but somehow kept going. At one point, I told him I was no longer speaking to him, so he said, "Fine, I'll talk to myself." So he had this conversation about why he should be allowed to see her and what they would be doing the entire time (homework, chores) and then my part of the conversation ... think, Ellen DeGeneris with-a male voice, lol! I went from angry to almost bursting out laughing in 1.1 seconds.
Then for whatever reason, I got angry again (he knows how to push my buttons and he said some cruel things) and when we got to the PO, they pulled a surprise drug test (he was fine) and the PO was so happy and cheerful--she's the one who said she wants to give kids a chance and everything is love and joy and butterflies--and I wanted to smack her--but she could see that I was close to tears and difficult child was agitated.
He was doing the leg/foot tapping thing, his ears were bright red, his lips were pursed, he wouldn't make eye contact, all of that.
"What's going on, difficult child?"
"Nothing."
Meanwhile, she's holding his grades, which contain two Fs and a D. He's got 2 wks left in this semester to catch up.
He finally told her, and she completely, I mean completely changed her tune. This little (5'1") bundle of energy turned into a Prime Time Braxton Family Values episode. I wanted to shout, "You GO!"
"Your FIRST mistake was taking the wrong bus."
"But she needed her math homework."
"Listen to me. I SAID your FIRST MISTAKE. Don't argue."
He argues, then finally shuts up.
"It is your reponsibility to take care of YOU, not her. Second, your mother is allowed and expected to express her opinion."
"I never said she couldn't. But I get to express mine."
"No, you don't. You need to keep it to yourself."
"But--"
"No BUT. You are so agitated today. I haven't seen you like this before. You taking any medicine?"
She also said, "You've got to listen to the hard stuff and not overreact like you are. You've got to listen to the hard stuff."
I'm sorry he was backsliding but I am so glad she was able to see what goes on behind the scenes. been there done that with-pediatricians, teachers ...
She also held up the grades and said, "If my kids came home with grades like this, I'd be sayin' something. I'd be doin' something. This is not just your mom being mean. She cares about you and she cares about your grades."
"No she doesn't."
She went on to ask him what he wanted to do for work, and said that education, particularly higher education, is a must if you want any job that's not a dead-end. He insisted he could get where he wanted with-the grades he has, he can pull himself up by himself, he doesn't need a 504, totally into magical thinking and grandiosity. It really cemented my belief that he is bipolar. Plus, the b&w thinking and rigidity that goes with-Asperger's.
He listed why each of the grades was not exactly correct and what he had already done to pull up the grade, and blah blah blah, but he's stressed now because everyone is on his case and he's running out of time ... well, whose problem is that?
I told that PO that we'd been trying to let him run his own show, at the urging of the teachers who wanted him to learn to function with-o our help, but as of the 504 mtng, we decided to go back to everything we did in elementary school: the timer, the assignments, taking the bus home immediately and all of that. She understood.
The PO finally shook her head and started doing the paperwork, made another appointment, gave him her card and told him to call her. When she left the room to make copies, I told difficult child that he needed to take a clonidine because I was not driving home with the same drama we had on the way to the mtng. He said he wanted to do his chores really fast and still be with-his girlfriend and I said, "You have to meet me halfway. Take a clonidine."
He did (in the car). We picked up his girlfriend and they folded 3 loads of wash, set up his work area for NILD, and several other things. He always works well when he's got an immediate goal right in front of his nose. Okay, and with-a bit of clonidine in his system. He ate, too, which got his blood sugar up.