Why am I not getting a paycheck?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterby, Jul 18, 2010.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    When difficult child first started seeing current therapist over a year ago, I took her the neuropsychologist evaluation. therapist (psychologist) is also aware that difficult child receives services through MR/daughter for NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD).

    I have a team meeting once a week with a caseworker from CPS for Family in Need of Services and the caseworker from MR/daughter, and we have an in home therapist (social worker).

    In home therapist is trying to teach difficult child skills to overcome her anxiety. However, these "skills" come in form of a piece of paper in which she is supposed to write down in column 1 what started the anxiety, column 2 what she was feeling and column 3, what she was thinking - and then there is another piece of paper that gives you all of the "What is the worst thing that could happen?" kind of questions. Soooo not going to work. But, I'm just the mom. What do I know. And when difficult child gets frustrated and angry and says it's not going to work she is accused of not helping herself, not being willing to try, and told if she isn't willing to try then there is no point in in-home therapist being there.

    When I saw therapist (psychologist) on Thursday, I reminded her of the NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) diagnosis and how we have gotten away from that with all of the crisis level things going on, but that we really need to be cognizant of it. Because, really. She's a poster child. Anyway, it seems that the psychological profession doesn't really deal with NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) and when I explained that it's similar to high functioning autism or Asperger's, therapist said, "Well, then she'll never have empathy or be able to feel love." :919Mad: I was already not happy with her that day and not in a good mood. I told her flat out that she was wrong. I will be dealing with that more.

    2 hours after that appointment, difficult child and I meet with the 2 caseworkers and in home therapist. We first discuss difficult child reconnecting with her dad and I excused myself for a bit because I was/am tired of being difficult child's punching bag...another post, another time. Anyway, we got back to those pieces of paper. In home therapist asked difficult child if she was using them. difficult child said no and in home therapist and CPS caseworker get upset and tell her she shoots down everything that is offered and refuses to help herself. difficult child becomes frustrated and angry, starts to cry, and says she knows it's not going to work, but she can't explain why; just that she knows herself and she knows that it won't work.

    I interject and remind them of her NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) diagnosis and that she's not going to be able to put her feelings into words. In fact, when we did the first column sheet thing together to use as a sample using a recent event, I had to fill in the blanks - because I was there and knew what difficult child was experiencing, and interpreted what she was thinking and feeling by what she was saying. difficult child doesn't have that ability. So, how in the hell is she going to write it down if she doesn't know what it is??? Anyway, I explained that those sheets, while helpful for those of us that are NT, are just not useful for her and suggested an audio solution. I suggested a CD or MP3 that difficult child could play that would be calming and basically speak the suggestions that were on those pieces of paper. And difficult child went right for that idea.

    And even after I stated that, the MR/daughter caseworker still had to get her say in, asking difficult child why, if she's so miserable, is she shooting down everything that is being offered.

    Did she just not hear what I said? Does she not work for MR/daughter???


    And now? I get to write a dialog, and figure out how to get soothing sounds *and* my voice onto a digital track that can be kept directly on difficult child's hard drive or on a CD or MP3 - or all 3.

    I swear. They should be paying me.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It just burns me up when professionals, who should keep up with their reading and know these conditions well, still make such obvious, outdated mistakes as thinking that people with autism cannot feel love or empathy. It is so wrong!

    As I have said so often - they DO feel emotions, very keenly. Perhaps even more intensely. But they don't always display these emotions in ways WE can recognise. That is our lack too; not theirs.

    Expecting a kid with NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) to be able to communicate so effectively is stupid. And then to accuse her of shooting everything down, simply because it is a poor fit for her - crikey, if it were going to be easy, YOU would have fixed this years ago. You are seeking professional help because this is NOT easy!

    Where the flamin' heck did they get their professional credentials? In a Weeties box?

  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    No real surprises here; doesn't make it any easier to take though. Seems so often we, as the parents who know them best, are constantly giving the clues and the answers to the professionals. We are the support system.

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Have someone from the group who gives her NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) services contact the MR/daughter people with these suggestions and anything else they think of that can work. They will NEVER listen to a parent because they don't believe that we know anything about anything. They are only going to make accommodations if they hear it from another "professional" or "expert".

    Do NOT have your voice on her calming audio. She will associate your voice with many things and it may actually trigger her depending on what is causing the problem at the moment. Then she will start to connect the audio with the problem instead of the solution. Talk about something that should be a no-brainer for someone who works with MR/daughter to figure out! What are these idiots smoking before they do their work?? Sounds like they need to pass the pipe if they want their idiocy to seem logical.
  5. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    hi flutter,

    I'm sorry you have to put up with this cr@p -- 1) High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger's people feel no empathy or love -- NOT, not my my experience anyway, it's more like more intense but no words -- so frustrating. 2) Ignorance of NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD). But your post did contain a very good explanation, by example, of NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD), which has always confused me, but I am thinking more and more about NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) for both of my kids, especially the older.

    So -- thank you for sharing the ignorance you had to endure, because it helped me.