Why?!?!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by drained1, Jan 10, 2008.

  1. drained1

    drained1 New Member

    i was feeling good for a bit today but then got down. the treatment center called me and advised me they did get all the paperwork from the hospital and wow if they had that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) thing she would be in so now i definately have to see a new doctor, get all new testing done etc. spoke to the new doctor (pretty impressive that she called me b4 even seeing us) she is aware of the situation and asked me to bring the papers from the hospital so now i gotta take more time out of my 4 hour morning before going to work to do this. its just not that easy to jump in a car and do all this leg work that should have been done in the first place when she was there for 10day and they charged insurance/me $11k to be there.....for what?!?!?!?.

    the friends are really plucking my nerves too. they dont call unless i call them and then i gotta call a million time before they answer or call back. they are so blind to the situation as i was before it got bad. but its frustrating cuz they keep saying that they will take her. why is it so hard for everyone to understand i dont wanna give away my difficult child i just want to send her somewhere to get help and in the meantime keep me and easy child safe from her venom.

    i was never one for waving a diagnosis flag but i got this one up as far as it will go and ppl are acting like i am the wrong one. shoot, my own parents arent talking to me at this point. i just dont understand why its so wrong to want something positive. Nooooo, instead i am being viewed as this ogre mom who is pawning off their kid.

    i gotta take a break from all these phone calls. every free moment when the easy child isnt here i am doing this. the system is to jammed up. i am just venting here. i know its the right thing but my heart hurts so bad. i miss my child, her pretty face that brace-face smile, her quirky ways. but i keep reminding myself that now she has went this far with the obstinence and defiance and hatred and anger i must keep plugging ahead to get her back.

    i dont know, on the other hand maybe i should just let her go though. its what she wants. but i was not supposed to let go at 16.

    oh, and i still havent been able to get someone to call in a refill of her medications. she only should have 2 week supply left.
     
  2. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Well, even if it doesn't really feel like it, sounds like you're making progress. The people that see these kinds of kids every day agree that you are pursuing the right thing (Residential Treatment Center (RTC)).

    You should be able to take her prescription to her PCP or even the new psychiatrist and ask them to just write the prescription for what she's already been taking, just to keep her on the same medications until her appointment.

    Regarding giving her up? I wouldn't do that, certainly not now. If your friends say that they're willing to keep her and you're ok with her being there, then I would just let her stay indefinitely. At least until you know the direction for the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF). Regarding the calling, etc. Honestly, I think I'd let go a little bit. If you don't need something specifically, don't call. Does your daughter text? Say good morning to her that way, or something like that. You can let her know you're thinking of her but don't need a reply. If may even strengthen your relationship if you let go a little.

    I believe that I am my sons trigger. I try really hard not to be, but somehow, I am. So, I text him with questions and he replies. That way, everything is in print, no miscommunication and no extra words. Seems to be helping us.
     
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It is hard for people to accept that a mother would be willing to let her child go for a long period of time when they don't see all the behavior that is behind it. I know was soundly condemned by many when I sent my daughter to her Residential Treatment Center (RTC). The professionals who worked with her knew tht sending her to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was totally the right thing to do. This is one of those times you have to ignore pretty much everyone but you. You really do know what is best for your daughter.

    Do you have any other resources where you could send your daughter? It really does sound like these people want to "steal" your daughter and, if that's the case, it is hard to get her back. They can give many subtle and not-so-subtle messages to your daughter that you are not a good parent, that they feel they have better ideas of how to raise her, etc. The avoiding of telephone calls is pretty typical in situations like this. If you have no alternatives, let her stay there and make it one of the issues you deal with while she is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). If you do, I'd really suggest she be moved.

    I'm sorry you having to fight on so many fronts. It is hard, lonely and tiring. Many hugs and a shoulder for you to lean on.
     
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Dear Shrek:

    In the end, Shrek was right. That's what you have to concentrate on. You're doing not only what's best for her, but for you and the easy child's. If people can't see that, then tough toenails on 'em. If you were willing to give her up, would you have been so willing to jump through hoops trying to find the right place?

    You're definitely right about one thing. You need to take a break from all of this stuff. Even if it's 1/2 hour of walking, reading a REGULAR book, or a really stupid tv show that will allow you to laugh. Remember laughing? It's when your mouth goes up, not down!

    You have to know that we feel your frustration. No one understands what your going through when it comes to sending her for help. Next time you're talking to someone and they don't approve, tell them that you'd rather visit an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) than a cemetery, turn on your heal and walk away.

    We're here for you!

    Keep going with what's right for your family!

    Beth
     
  5. Jessica mom of 2

    Jessica mom of 2 New Member

    I agree with everyone!!!!

    I wanted to send thoughts and prayers your way! I don't have the situation that you do but I understand as far people judging you for what your doing with your children. That is one thing that gets me hot, for someone to think I should do something different with "my child" I applaud you and commend you for what you are doing!!!

    Clap! Clap! CLap!

    HUGS
     
  6. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    I have to agree with everyone else too. We have friends and family members who disagreed with us on a lot of the decisions we've made regarding my difficult child. But, they aren't the ones living with her and if they were, they would see it from another perspective. My family have slowly come around...they might not be all the way there yet but they're coming which is great. Hopefully yours will too. You have to do what you feel is right and in your daughter's best interests.
    Good luck to you.
     
  7. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    I just want to send you HUGS and tell you I have been there done that with my difficult child and my parents. My parents thought it was all because of mine and my husband. Well, my difficult child lived with them for about 4 months (until she turned 18). Let me just say that the "honeymoon" phase ended at their house and they got to see the mood swings, disrespect and meltdowns.

    My dad now understands why we wanted her to be placed in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and get treatment to help her live a healthy life.

    My mom (an enabler) is slowly understanding that it was not all about me and my husband, that difficult child has several disorders that are causing her to act the way she does.

    We are healing as best as we can and trying to get some sort of a relationship back between everyone.

    Just do what you feel is right for your daughter to get healthy.
     
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, the system is a mess. I know where you're coming from, even though I haven't gone through Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I can commisserate.
    It sounds like you're making progress. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
    My heart broke when I read the part about wanting your daughter's pretty face and quirky ways ...
    Take care.
     
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