why???

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mrscatinthehat, Jun 23, 2008.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    difficult child 1 called this afternoon to let me know she got her tongue pierced. Oh goody. I was livid for several reasons. She is 18 however we have guardianship and she is a house that has staff that are supposed to be helping her with things. ARGHHHHHHHHHH. I called the person in charge of her program and she had just found out right before I did.
    difficult child 1 has no money at this time so someone loaned her the money. So now she owes someone for this. Anything like this is to be discussed with us. I am not a hypocrite..years ago I had my tongue pierced. I have tattoos. However I had the money to pay for all of these things. She claimed that I gave her permission 2 years ago to do this. NOOOOOOOOO I said that she wouldn’t be able to get it done until she is 18.
    Whoever the staff member is that took her to get it done is supposedly going to be getting in some trouble over this.
    Of course these are the same folks that took her shopping and let her buy all name brands when they were supposed to be helping her learn how to do this.
    Ugh it never ends.

    Beth
     
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, that sounds like a difficult child for sure. It is so frustrating when they say and do things like that. And even more frustrating when some s****r of an adult actually HELPS them.

    I'm sorry- try to relax. It is done now and I hope someone makes sure that she has to find a way herself to repay the money she borrowed. This doesn't sound like a great place for her, but I guess none of them really meet our expectations. My difficult child hasn't had out of home placement yet (unless you caount detention), but from what I read on this board, I'm not so sure that they are learning more good than bad.

    Hang in there- make some calls, blow some steam, and hold them accountable..
     
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Ugh. I imagine it gets complicated for staff when they are over 18 and aren't so sure if they have say so, Know what I mean?? But, they should be informed.

    I hope she doesn't get an infection. I can't imagine a piercing there. It's bad enough when I bite my tongue and that doesn't go all the way through. It sounds incredibly painful.

    Anyway difficult child can earn money to pay back the money she borrowed to have this done?
     
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Since you are the guardian, you needed to give permission. Guardianship is set up because a person has been deemed unable to make these sort of decisions. Sounds like some very incompetent staff at the group home. If one of them "borrowed" her the money, I would insist that it NOT be paid back - very unprofessional. However, would a fellow roommate borrow it to her?

    I would put your concerns in writing - including the clothing incident - and ask that a copy be filed in her chart at the home she is at. Send the original to the director of the home (yes, you have talked to that person, but a written document carries even more weight in a complaint.)

    Ask the director to tell staff that NOTHING is to be done without guardian's approval.
     
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We didnt have the guardianship issues and Cory was living at home but he did go do the tongue piercing thing one time. It lasted all of about 2 days because he couldnt eat with it and so he took it out...lol. I just muttered "fool" as I walked by him.
     
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I told Miss KT if she did that, her tongue would swell up and seal her throat closed, and then she couldn't breathe. So far she's believed me.
     
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    OMG................too funny!
    I just met with a successful exec in my company who had his tongue pierced. What the hay............
    We may be bit generationally challenged. Piercings and tatoos seem to be the norm lately.
     
  8. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    My son got his tongue pierced and had a silver ball that proceeded to knock on his teeth, causing chips, so be prepared for dental problems.......sorry that 18 doesn't come with instant maturity---for anybody......In the big picture things could be worse.....yeah, I felt the same when my kid did it......just stupid waste of money and why would you do this to yourself?
     
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Beth,

    Sounds like difficult child is pushing her independence in any way possible. In the big scheme of things, a pierced tongue isn't that bad. It sounds as though it's more a matter of staff not being aware of their clients comings & goings.

    It sounds as though the staff needs "retraining" in working with their residents - from budgeting funds to making safe responsible choices.
     
  10. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I don't blame you for being mad because of all of the money and guardianship issues but what's done is done so I don't think I'd get myself all upset over it, except to complain to those who should have been responsible. difficult child#1 had his tongue pierced when he was 18 (as soon as he legally could without my signature) but now he has a job where it is not allowed and he has cheerfully taken it out. He's going to be 24 in October - Gee, ain't it wonderful what a little maturity can do?
     
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I......am not in the greatest of decision making moods today so my apologies for being - ROMAN in my thoughts -

    I think a fitting punishment for staff would be for YOU to pick up the staff member and take THEM to the piercing shop and make THEM get THEIR tongue pierced.

    Of course with a difficult child you could almost guess that their idea of I AM 18 AND I AM GROWN UP TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD MEANS =-I SHOULD POKE HOLES IN MY HEAD TO ALLOW MORE SMARTS TO ACCESS TO THE NEW PORTAL TO MY BRAIN. :whiteflag:
     
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry. This is so frustrating. I agree that your concerns should be put in writing (and sent certified mail like an IEP so they can't say they don't have it!).

    Whoever loaned her the $$ should have to bear the cost - especially if it was a staff member. If it is another resident, well, they will learn that her word on $$ issues can't be trusted. Part of growing up.

    At least she didn't do it at home with a needle?

    As for the clothing, I wonder if the staff member who took her shopping knew how to buy on a budget? Sounds like the DIRECTOR should be doing some intensive training, esp on how to not be manipulated!

    hugs,

    Susie
     
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