Wow - Another day - Ya'll are the best support

[DavidH]

Ok, ladies... I hope no one minds I am going to post this here so I have something to hold myself to as this is how I work when I know I am under pressure to do it right and people are watching me I give it my all.

As you all know my story... Dad (me) is making myself better for the day the little man comes home from Residential Treatment Center (RTC)

That being said..

I made it day 9 and STILL NO DESIRE

You have no clue how happy I am I have not gone 9 days (shoot not even 2 days) with out drinking my troubles away for over 5 years!!

9 days... and I feel GREAT --- cold freaking turkey

( this may not be too impressive I know how hard this is going to be but I am "using" you ladies for my own help now.. because you guys are simply the best..)

ok let me try to make more sense of why I posted this

I know my triggers, and I am going to make a promise to myself that I MUST come to this site and read.. when I see a trigger.. my triggers are

1. I get upset/mad with someone
2. I get lonely
3. A bad phone call or update from Residential Treatment Center (RTC)
4. I feel bad for not having my little one home (the what if's, whys ect...)
5. Someone yells/gets upset with me (oh poor baby ha ha)

 

[wakeupcall]

WOW.....way to go!!! I'm so proud of you!!!!!!! KEEP IT UP!

 

[meowbunny]

David, we'll be here as much as we can for you but try to get some real life support, too. You can't isolate yourself to the online world. You need real life relationships, too. This is very important not just to your mental well-being but in showing your son what life is about -- family, friends, love. The more he sees you acting like a mentally healthy adult, the better chance he has to become one.

I saw that one of your triggers is a bad report from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Here's something I was told when my daughter was in. They didn't worry about the kids who acted out once they started "getting" the program. Those were the kids that were honestly working the program but getting frustrated at their inability to totally succeed. They'd get it. The ones they had the biggest concerns about were the kids who always said and did the right things, whose mess-ups were minor at most. They really weren't working the program -- they were manipulating it, just giving the feedback that was needed to get out so they could go back to their old ways. These kids had made no change inside of themselves. So, rejoice every time you hear Justin has mucked up. It means he's learning and growing, not just sitting in a holding pattern.

When I was missing my daughter the most, I would sit down and do something for her. Write a long, loving letter. Make her something (poor kid has more painted/shellacked/decoupaged cigar boxes than she cares to count now). Started redoing her room. After I had finished something for her, I FORCED myself to do something for me. Read a book, take a bath, take a long drive, go to Barnes & Nobles and sit and have a coffee, call a friend and meet for dinner or a snack or just to talk.

As to the getting mad/upset/pity mode -- those you have to work on. Rather than getting violent in your anger, it sounds like you internalize it. Something to work on with a good therapist.

Okay, I'm done with my lecture. Keep up on the not drinking. I'm glad to hear no urges to drink again. Would you mind giving me your willpower when you're done so I could quit smoking?

 

[DavidH]

Meow... I know you are 100% right..

I do need to get out in the real world... I have been couped up for years dealing only with the issues/drama of Justin for years.. shoot I have not even been on one date in over 4 years... at this point I am afraiid too almost like I have so much bad going on I do not want to put it on someone else, or more so that I feel so guilty for having so many issues and a Son needing to be someplace else I am afraid of the words I may hear...

But yes I know I for sure need to start a life again... I have all these plans for me.. but I am the type I need to sleep on them and then one day I wake up and say OK now is time.. just like I did the bottle.. I have known for a year I had a problem... it took me that long to wale up and pour out a 20.00 bottle and say no more

AA is in the back of my head, I went to about 10 meetings about a year ago.. but I made excuses and had so many triggers I just gave up, so yes I will for sure attend

Also plan and have been thinking for a few months now, the only way for me to get back into a reall life is to get back into church... (was raised in one and love it) but again my guilt of not wanting to be a pew warmer only has made me continue to "think" about the day I wake up and say ok it is time...

make sense?

shoot any single ladies out here.. ha ha

 

[meowbunny]

David, you've got to kidding on the single ladies here. I think more of us are single parents than the other way around.

Go to church. They even welcome pew warmers. So, wake up and GO DO IT! It really is that time.

You don't have to date, you just have to be with people and enjoy them. I love to people watch. Where I live now there are a tremendous amount of activities including dancing in the squares every night (free). I go, find a seat pretty much away from everyone and just watch. I have a grand time. What's funny is that someone will always come over and stop to talk to me. It's caused me to reach out when I see someone walking around alone or sitting by themselves. It is part of being a member of this community. Find what makes your community tick and join in. (Habitat for Humanity or any other charity that needs bodies, not just funds, is a great place to do something for you.)

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

David, that is WONDERFUL! 9 days is a long time, and I wish you the strength to carry on and "make it" so that you can really say you no longer drink.

I stopped smoking three months ago, also cold turkey. I had to do it for health reasons, I didn't WANT to. It was either stop smoking, or run the high risk of having a stroke. I decided I had no choice. I have smoked for 43 years, and I love smoking. I cannot tell you what hell I am going through. But somehow I know I will make it, finally. I still think about them (cigarettes) all the time, but I have sugarless sweets to **** and I try to keep myself and my mind busy.

It just isn't the same without our "drug," but then -- we don't really want it to be the same, at least I don't. I would like a life without being a servant to the cigarettes, and that is what I will do.

Here's wishing you the very best, and lots of strength, so that you can be the loving father you want to be to your son.

Love, Esther

 

[DavidH]

Esther -- CONGRATULATIONS - I know how hard that one is... Hang in there.. as you know.. the -- "OH just one will not hurt"... thing is a bad bad bad boy - My Mom whom is 64 just was told by Dr. Stop or Die (just found out has Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD)) she stopped like you cold turkey.. about 5 months ago.. so you go girl... YOU CAN DO IT TOO

 

[hearts and roses]

David, I sent you a PM.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

David,

Please don't take this as a schooling or a lecture. I am someone with better than 4 years sober passing along what worked for me.

Get to an AA meeting. Meet other people that are going through what you are. We on this site help you with your issues with Justin because we have all been there done that. People at AA meetings have all been there done that. They have a proven program, with steps and everything, that works very well at keeping people sober.

Get a sponsor. That is someone of your gender with several years of sobriety. That is who you call when you need support. He will be your mentor and confidant. Bad report from Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? Give dude a call. Some witch type some nasty things to you on this site (ahem)? Tell dude, he'll help you through it.

Dating is not recommended in the first year of sobriety. It is way too easy to focus on your date and not on your problems. Alcoholics have issues that go beyond drinking. Drinking is just a symptom. We drink because of (fill in the blank). We spend the first year figuring out the blanks. We cannot do that if we are doting on a honey. That is also what a sponsor is for, to help work the steps so we get those blanks filled in.

I am so proud of you. I know how hard it is. I quit once for 5 years and went back out for 10 (I stopped going to meetings). You are doing Justin a great justice by taking care of yourself. And you deserve it.

 

[trinityroyal]

David,
What BBK said. And what Meowbunny said.

It is important to get out in the real world, go to AA and get a sponsor, and get back to church if you know it's somewhere that warms your heart.

Start slowly, and work your way up to whatever your level of comfort is. Having a support system around you in the real world is so very important.

Congratulations on the 9 days (and counting). Don't minimize your achievement. Each passing day is one more day of sobriety. You're doing great.

Trinity

 

[nvts]

David: I agree with the others. Get a living support group (but HEY! that doesn't mean quit talking to your partners in crime HERE!!!lol!).

You said that you didn't want to get involved because of all the bad things happening to you...

hmmmm, like, oh I don't know...

Justin working at getting his act together?

or, um...

You getting sober?

or, um...

Finding a job?

or, um...

Getting promoted?

Quit talking in the past! You're a man getting stronger and working toward happiness! I agree about working on the sobriety issue first before thinking about dating, but start grabbing a sandwich at lunch time with one of the guys at work. Talk sports, hunting, grunt, scratch your head and talk "manly man things"! (you have to read this with a manly man gravely voice!).

Don't rush toward romance. Make yourself a friend. Go back to church. Volunteer. LIVE life. Justin will be extremely happy for you!

Keep the updates coming...sometimes it's the ONLY cloud with a silver lining around my neck of the woods!!

Beth

 

[Star*]

David -

WAY TO GO DUDE.....

Think about this - we never give up our addictions. We give up drinking but we'll replace it with something else. A lot of people who are users/drinkers don't really know this fact. It's scientific and proven.

SO.....ask yourself today "WHAT am I going to do INSTEAD of drinking when".

Find a positive thing to do - write, journal, read, exercise - whatever is interesting to you

The next time you get upset - get a bad call from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - GO TO YOUR THING -instead of the drink.

I wish you all the best -
We're behind you - really really!

 

[Lothlorien]

Well, congratulations! Every single day is an accomplishment!