Yet another "First" for Mr. McWeedyBrain (NOT!)

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Mikey, Jun 2, 2007.

  1. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Warning: Long post. Short version is that WeedForBrains and friends got caught by the cops after midnight on private property with booze and pot. That's a first. End result? <span style="color: #FF0000">Nothing! </span> If you want the gory details, read on....

    difficult child was out last night after work, not answering his phone as usual. Finally, about 9:30 I get one call from him saying he's with his friend "E", who just got back from Florida. They're over at E's girlfriend's house.

    "Will you be home by curfew?"

    "Yes, unless I can sleep over at E's". "Okay, you know the drill. In by midnight, and I have to talk to his Mom to know you're where you say you are. And you also need to let me know before that what your plans are".

    "Okay Dad. Talk at ya later".

    11:30 rolls around, no call from my little weed-whacker. Start calling, nothing but voice mail. Finally, at 12:05 he calls, and I expect he's at E's, and about to put E's mom on the phone.

    NOPE! He and a "bunch" of other kids were, at that moment, being herded by the police into an empty field across from the neighborhood pool - where they all decided to go swimming after it closed. difficult child says he'll call back "as soon as the cops are done with him".

    wife: "Have you been drinking?" difficult child: "No, just a sip of beer, but I did smoke some weed. They're searching the cars now, and Mom, E said if you told the cops they couldn't use the breathalyzer on me then they can't"...


    wife: "Sorry, you'll have to blow into the tube like everyone else if you're asked. If you've only had a "sip", nothing to worry about, right?". difficult child: "Cops are making me get off the phone - I'll call you when they're done with me". wife: "Your dad is on his way over there right now".

    After driving around for 20 minutes, I finally find the place. Two cop cars have two other cars trapped in a cul-de-sac in what my brother (a former cop himself) would have called a "felony stop". There's already five or six kids sitting in the grass, in the rain, and another three still in the cars. Cops pull them out one by one to talk to them. I see difficult child, E and his girlfriend, and a bunch of other kids I don't know, including one who looks a little too old to be a "kid"...

    Cop walks over and says that there's been drinking and pot smoking going on, in addition to the trespass on the pool grounds after hours. Right now, it looks like everyone will be charged with "Minor in consumption of alchohol". Sir, please stay in your car until we finish processing the scene.

    Me: "Yes sir. Thank you for doing your job. I really appreciate it, and support your efforts". Cop looks at me funny, then smiles and walks away. Guess he thought I was the typical rich white suburbanite father there to keep my poor widdle boy out of trouble. SURPRISE!


    Anyway, it's now pouring down rain, all eight or nine "kids" are now trying to huddle under one raincoat while the cops start searching the cars. It was going to take a while, so I went to the local QT to use the potty and get a green tea. I get back just as the cops are pulling a couple of cases of beer out of the car, putting other stuff into plastic baggies, and loading all the stuff into one of the police cruisers. They then start taking pictures of all the "kids", the cars, and everything else around the scene.

    Hate me if you want, but I took perverse pleasure in sitting in my dry, warm van watching the whole thing. Finally, one of the cops walks over to my car. I'm expecting a ticket, summons, or even to hear that he's going juvie. Nope - no booze on the breathalyzer, he wasn't on the property when they showed up, so he's not being charged. I can take him home.


    I asked about the pot in the car. "Sir, we're only testing for alchohol. I don't have sufficient justification for a blood draw on anyone to test for THC. You can go now". But then, he asks difficult child to open his eyes - of course, the pupils are so big they look like black marbles. Cop says "you know, one of the signs of pot use is.." and difficult child pipes up "Big pupils? I get those from my mom. Dad, tell him I get them from my mom..."

    :grrr: :rofl: :grrr: :rofl:

    I get my hopes up, but before I can even respond, the cop simply says "son, you need to pick better friends, because the ones you have are only going to get you in trouble. Go home". It was obvious that the typical cop bias towards hammering drunks but ignoring stoners was in force, so I didn't push it. The only other thing the cop said before we left was that one of the "kids" (the one I said didn't fit with the group) was actually over 21, and admitted to supplying them with booze. I said "Crucify the M__ F___", then took Sir Pots-a-Lot home.

    If I'd thought for one minute the cop would have done something, I would have said the whole crew should be tested for pot. But it wasn't happening. And difficult child dodges yet another bullet, and has yet another reason to believe he's bulletproof.

    God, how is it that this kid can dodge so many bullets? Whatever Rastafarian Ganja god he's sacrificing to must be mighty powerful, because this is the umpteenth time that he came within an inch of serious consequences for his actions, only to dance away at the last second without a scratch.

    Like the other times he's had close calls, wife and I tried to reinforce some kind of lesson he could take from this. And the way he panicked when the cop checked his eyes, I thought that maybe he'd finally realize the dangerous game he's playing.

    Guess again. Just got a call from PotMonster at work, wanting to go to E's house to "clean out his car, in case he ever gets stopped". E works at a carwash, and has industrial-strength cleaning stuff at his house. I guess the only lesson difficult child learned was not to carry anything in your car that can get you in trouble.

    He even had the gall to ask "am I grounded?" :hammer:

    I didn't know what to say, other than "Go to E's, get your car completely cleaned out, then come home". "Why?" "Because we said to." "Am I grounded?" "Yes" "Why?"

    :grrr: :grrr: :grrr: :grrr:

    I don't even know what to say. He IS grounded, but I expect a fight and probable ODD explosion. In his mind, after all, he didn't get in trouble, the cops let him go, so what's the big deal? In less than twelve hours, he conveniently forgot that (a) he was in a car with a bunch of other teens (and one adult) that were drinking and smoking pot, (b) broke into a pool at midnight for a drunken swim party, and (c) had the gall to try and get me to lie to a cop to cover his skinny buttocks.

    Well, I guess I'll put on the asbestos suit and wait for McWeedyBrain to arrive.

  2. judi

    judi Active Member

    Mikey - My son too was immune AT FIRST. However, the cops got tired of my son eventually. Because of my job, I know many of the police officers in my community and because I have a very unusual last name (read only one of its kind), they know that its my son when they pick him up.

    However, he got tired of sitting in jail (adult jail is not a pretty place) and decided to quit smoking dope....for now! If he would only get a job. lol

    Good luck.
  3. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Mikey, I have a feeling that "McWeedy" has just been running on pure dumb luck so far, but sooner or later it (or he) will hit the fan! It's just a matter of time. :highvoltage: Have you put the "Parents Curse" on him yet? ... the one that goes, "Some day you'll have children of your own, and I hope they are just like you!" :cool:

    I can't believe that, after all that happened, he had the nerve to ask WHY he was being grounded!


    Were you the only parent who showed up at the "bust"? May I ask why you went?
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    While I certainly understand your wanting to wait all this out, I would caution against waiting until he is 18 and hope it gets better.

    First, if he is drinking and driving or high and driving and has an accident, he is your responsibility financially. Recently a young person in my community had an accident where a man was seriously injured. Her family has lost their home and everything they owned.

    Second, once he is an adult, any and all charges stand, forever....not good for future job prospects...
    Have you tried filing a chins or pins (child in need of services)? Or filing charges as an incorrigible child. When my difficult child was 17, he was out of control one night. He came after husband and husband pushed him down. PCdaughter got scared and called the cops. When they came to the house, difficult child was told he had two choices, obey our rules or leave. He chose to leave. We let him go.

    Third, waiting this out seems to be getting rather dangerous. You posted last week that he came home very intoxicated from alcohol. I have known several young people who have ended up in intensive care because of their choice to drink excessively.

    Finally, you have a younger child to worry about. I know she is seems to be okay right now, but I can guarentee that this turmoil in the house is effecting her much worse than you think. If he is caught using anything in your home, and if the cops will be watching (and they will), you risk losing her for exposing her to his shananigans. My pcdaughter is 17 and can't wait to move out because difficult child is still at home. She was so much happier when he was not here. I've have seen her change tremendously since his dad allowed him to come back home against my wishes.

    It may be time to make some major decisions. Now he is making choices to ride with others who are using. Sometimes we just have to be the bad guy.
  5. Stacy G.

    Stacy G. New Member


    I must say I'm glad we don't live in the same state/area because I'm sure our difficult child's would be the best of buds. :faint:

    Hmmmmm, that brings up a point. I have not been on here for very long but for those that have, has there been (are there) parents on here that their difficult child's know each other in real life? Maybe parents that came here for support & low & behold their difficult child's were in cahoots? Just curious. :confused:

    Anyway, Mikey, I feel for ya. Seems Adam manages to get away with quite a bit too but I have no doubt that if he continues on the road that he is on it will eventually catch up with him. I'm sure the same holds true for Mr. McWeedyBrain, he should enjoy it while he can. :hypnosis:
  6. judi

    judi Active Member

    My son would love to hang with your kids! He'll be 22 on MOnday - what fun they could all have. (Said very tongue in cheek).
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My son got away with so much for son long. In fact it appears he is still getting away with things. In fact he was sitting inside a trailer when the FBI and DEA busted in to raid the place and they let him walk away because he wasnt the one they were after!

    I would have crapped all over myself if that had happened to me. His car had seeds and rolling papers in it and they just told him to go home. I was floored. They were after the dealers and people who were using coke and crack.

    However...he is now facing a bit more trouble with the law so it will all catch up with him.
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Eventually your difficult child's teflon sit will wear out and it won't be a pretty thing. I'm curious also as to why you went to the scene. I wonder if your difficult child was treated better than he would have been had you not been there. -RM
  9. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: rejectedmom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Eventually your difficult child's teflon sit will wear out and it won't be a pretty thing. I'm curious also as to why you went to the scene. I wonder if your difficult child was treated better than he would have been had you not been there. -RM </div></div>

    I was hoping last night that the teflon had worn out. Guess PotMonster had made a recent donation at the local shrine to the Rastafarian deity, because his teflon was in full protection mode last night, for sure.

    I went to the scene because the one thing I knew was that he was riding with others. If they simply got tickets and were sent on their way, I didn't want him riding with anyone else.

    And no, I made sure PotMonster didn't get any special treatement. In fact, when the policeman came over to speak with me, he apologized for keeping me waiting. I told him "No, it's okay. You have a job to do, and I don't want to get in your way. Please don't let me interrupt." I then thanked him for doing a good job, and let him know I appreciated the work they were doing. He seemed a bit surprised (probably expecting me to be a typical rich, snobby jerk), but I wasn't.

    I even brought up the pot issue when they told me they were letting him go. They saw his eyes were dialated like an Amazon Bushbaby, but they let him go anyway. It's easier to peg people with the breathalizer than to prove pot use. And around here, cops don't go after stoners unless they're a nusiance or driving while obviously intoxicated.

    And there's no "legal limit" with THC. The only test they can use is a blood draw (costs the PD a lot of money), and a test can't tell how long ago someone smoked. So it's just easier to nab the drunks, and send the stoners on their way. That is, unless they have enough weed on them to prosecute, or if they're belligerent, in which case they use posesssion of pot and/or paraphenalia as a reason to detain or arrest a pain in the neck.

    I gave the cop every reason I could to do something with my son, short of demanding that he be arrested. I even said that "there's 9 kids, but only two cars, and they were drinking before they got here. Maybe you want to find the other cars and check them too?" No interest. They had their bust, and they weren't going looking for a quarter-ounce of weed shoved under the seat of a car a half-mile away.

    The cops know that the stoners usually don't cause trouble if you just shoo them along their way, which is what they normally do here. Unless you're a dealer, can lead them to a dealer, or have p_issed them off and they WANT to thump you, they just aren't interested. I don't like it, but I understand it.

    And now that I think about your question, maybe the reason I went to the scene was to try and make sure Weed-whacker got what was coming, if he was doing what I thought he was doing. If he had been drinking again, after what he put us through on Monday, then I just might have demanded that he be taken away.

    Don't know for sure, though. Angry memories are a tricky thing to untangle.

  10. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Thanks Katmom. We were already moving in the direction of offering PotMonster some stark choices. This weekend only solidifies my resolve to do so (wife is still wavering, but I think is mad enough to hold the line as well).

    Before this, I was leaning towards giving difficult child a choice of continuing down this path and getting the boot in December, or changing his path and rejoining the family unit. Now, I'm leaning harder to change your path NOW, or completely alienate yourself from the family and get the boot as soon as I can find a legal reason. And during that time, you and risk the cops being called every time I find any illegal herbal or liquid substances, every time you come home intoxicated (in any way), and being reported as a runaway every time you deliberatly disobey curfew or run away.

    Oh, and if you run away with your car, when the police catch you they will remind you it's MY car until you pay it off, and you may be facing theft charges as well.

    I don't want to go there, but he's had the chance to play by "normal" rules that most families follow. I've said before: now it's McWeedy's game, his rules. If I'm playing by them, and I still beat him at his own game then I don't give a horsefart for how he feels afterwards.

    I hope it doesn't go that far. I hope that wife is right, and that all these things that have happened to PotMonster will gradually build up and get his attention. But then again, I also pray for an end to the war in Iraq, an end to world hunger, and peace between Israel and their Arab neighbors. So far, with the same result.

    But that doesn't mean I won't stop.

  11. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: donna723</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Mikey, Have you put the "Parents Curse" on him yet? ... the one that goes, "Some day you'll have children of your own, and I hope they are just like you!"</div></div>

    As a true son of the bayou from South Loosiana, I worked that voodoo on him a looooong time ago. Maybe that's why he uses up so many condoms and his girlfriend is on the pill? That's some serious mojo to lay on a kid, and he's already said he'll just raise dogs rather than risk having to deal with some mini-McWeedys in the future!


    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Were you the only parent who showed up at the "bust"? May I ask why you went? </div></div>

    Yep, the only one. Why? because the rest were spoiled, white, suburb-dwelling rich kids whose parents don't care what they do as long as it doesn't interfere with their upper-crust lifestyle. I know that sounds harsh, but I've met these people and I know this to be true. by the way, none of these kids were part of McWeedy's Pothead Posse. This is a different group that he normally doesn't hang out with, now officially dubbed "The Drunken Horde".

    As it turns out, very few of the kids actually got into trouble. PotMonster's friend "E" passed the breathalizer, but only because E's girlfriend spent 45 minutes screaming about wanting her lawyer, wanting her mommy, yadda yadda. Gave E a chance to sober up enough to pass the blow test. E's girlfriend, on the other hand, was roaring drunk, 17, and already on diversion for alchohol abuse. She's toast. As is the girl who claimed to own ALL the pot found in the car (not true, but it was in her purse so she felt all noble and stuff :crazy2:).

    And the 21YO who supplied the booze will probably end up as somebody's girlfriend in the county jail. Supplying booze to kids around here is right up there with molesting kids, cattle rustling, and talking bad about Dubyah. He's toast.

    I think a couple of the other kids got hit with MIP and/or MCA.

  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    My difficult child to caught for everything!!! From the time he was around 14 he was involved in the juevenile court system. It's amazing how some get caught everytime they breath and others get away with it over and over.

    Even though my difficult child got caught for everything, it didn't seem to make much of a difference in how long it took him to straighten out. He was always scared to death when it happened, but it didn't scare him enough.

    I'm sure this didn't help your difficult child, because he just sees it as one more thing he got away with. Don't know what else to add, but sorry your turmoil just seems to keep getting worse.
  13. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    I'm worried about your easy child daughter Mikey. She's at a real impressionable age. In a few years she won't think the same as she's thinking now. If she sees difficult child skirting around the law and no real consequences for his actions, that sends quite a message.

    That's sort of what happened to my difficult child 2. He was a good kid up until second semester of 9th grade. Over a 6mo period he became a difficult child.

    Got any relatives difficult child can go stay with? I know that's not an answer. I know that their problems just go with them, but I do wish I had sent difficult child 2 to my sisters.

    Who knows, I probably wouldn't have liked that idea either once it was said and done.

    I'm not very much help, I'm such a fence sitter :nonono:
  14. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Mikey I understand your reason for going and I understand that you believe you did your best to make the officers give your difficult child conseqences. what I am saying is that just by being there and showing that you are a concerned parent could have put compassion into the officer's head. The officer may have felt that your son would get plenty of consequences from you and that might have made a difference in how he handled it. Just another perspective, not a critism rather something yu might want to think about for the next time. -RM
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I hate to add this note but I was surprised that my easy child/difficult child suggested that you explore other drug use issues. Perhaps once a
    year he is near the computer when I read a post and share it.
    Your narrative was amusing and so reminiscent of the sad early days when I thought I could help him, that I shared it. He just
    shook his head and commented "I bet he's going to have to do it
    the hard way like me." But then he said "if you know his Dad
    you might tell him that his eyes probably were dialated from Ex
    or cold tablets or other pills not pot". Sad thought but I decided to share it.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD...I had the same thought.
  17. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DDD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">..."if you know his Dad you might tell him that his eyes probably were dialated from Ex or cold tablets or other pills not pot". Sad thought but I decided to share it.</div></div>

    That's always been a thought in the back of my mind, but he's been drug tested so many times where all that's turned up is weed (except for the very first test, which also showed amphetamines, but then again he may have been taking his ADD medications off and on then). And all the tests were the 'full spectrum' 35-indicator battery. One even included a new urine test for alchohol abuse (I never knew there was such a thing, but there is).

    I've never ruled out other drugs, but since difficult child has adopted his "I don't care what you think" attitude, he's never hidden it from us when he's stoned. I've gotten to know his McWeedy persona quite well, and I've seen him when he's wacked out on other stuff and drunk as well.

    That night, I'd give 100 to 1 that he was stoned.

    But then again, I guess we'll find out soon enough. He starts his "mediccal study" in a week, and they do weekly drug tests. While I don't think he cares if we know he smokes pot, he knows that we completely flip when he does anything else (like drinking, or the one time I found out he did X last year). In his mind, he can "manage us" if he sticks to pot and a little booze. I doubt he'd risk anything more than that, since in the end I think he does fear a complete parental meltdown that ends with him getting tossed on his duff out the door.

    But I say doubt, not complete disbelief. Just like that night when he told the cop he hadn't been drinking, he had the chance to prove it by blowing in the breathalyzer. He says that he only tokes and drinks "a little". He'll have a chance to prove that, too. While we may have been a little too lenient in the past on the weed, he knows that if he escalates beyond that he's forcing our hand.

    He doesn't "formally" know it yet, but we're already moving forward on forcing him to make some tough choices. He's already told his girlfriend that we're "throwing him out when he's 18", so he knows something's coming soon. he just doesn't know what's coming....

    When we finally move, ff he's further down the dark side than we know, it will only make it easier for wife and I to do what must be done. And we'll do it soon, because we all agree that his acting out is both sucking the life out of the family, and causing problems for my daughter at a crucial point in her life. wife and I want her to see us deal with difficult child fairly and with compassion, but to also see us make the hard choice and do what has to be done (if needed).

    If it's any consolation, she's already seen her best friend's family ask one 18YO son to leave for the same reasons, and her 17YO brother may get the same birthday present when he turns 18 (for the same reasons - they're all part of the Pothead Posse). I don't know how easy child feels about what her friend's family did, but I think she understands how bad the problems were that led to that action.

    I wonder what she thinks about her own family, given her exposure to the meltdown of her friends family? I'd ask, but she seems to either tee off or shut down any time I try to ease the topic into our discussions.

    For us, though, it's like going off the high-dive for the first time. At the edge, bouncing a bit, and you can't get off because there's a line 20 deep behind you on the ladder. You have to go off - the only question is when, and what will you do on the way down?

    We're there, on the edge, trying to decide our next move.

  18. branbran

    branbran New Member


    First I want to say that I love reading your posts, you make them so entertaining. You take a bad situation and find humor in it, I love that about you. I always find a reason to smile while reading one of your posts.

    It really bites watching your child self destruct. I know how hard that is, my daughter used to come home high every night, eat like a pig and then go to bed. That would be considered a good night of course, those nights were the nights I decided not to confront her on being high out of her mind. The nights I did confront her usually ended up with the police at my house, as per my invitation. She is in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) now and as been drug free for a few months. I know it is only a matter of time before this all starts again. Pretty sad that I'm not at all optimistic about the way things will go when she comes home. I guess I'm pretty sick of getting my hopes up just to be let down. I hope I'm wrong.

    I hope things start looking up for you and your family. You give off such a great vibe, you are a great father. You can only do so much. You are such a dedicated dad, you have done so much for your son and want him to succeed in life so badly, that is evident in your words. I hope you find peace in life as you so deserve it. :smile:
  19. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Mikey I couldn't help but notice your description of the older "kid" in the group that supplied the booze.

    You do understand that within a yr your difficult child will be considered an adult?

    in my humble opinion your difficult child knows that you won't kick him out and he has it made. He can get stoned, hang out with loser friends and still get a roof,food and clean clothes. What stoner wouldn't love that?

    I am sorry but your take on reasoning with your son that continues to have the upper hand baffles me.

    I can't see the reasoning behind where you think you are getting by allowing him to "only" smoke pot?

    And yes, if he is not in a rehab or out of your house you are allowing it, because it is happening and you are aware of it and you continue down the path of that is all he is doing so we are keeping the family together.

    You can't have a family with an active using addict under the roof!

    You are not yourself, your wife is not herself and your poor easy child is under it all.

    I say these things out of love. I have made the same mistakes and have been left to pick up the pieces of the broken family I thought I was keeping together.

    I hope for your son's sake he is caught before turning 18. The juvie system will help him. If he makes it to 18 before he is caught the adult jail will care less what happens to him there.
  20. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    HH, your post hit home just now. Especially this:

    "And yes, if he is not in a rehab or out of your house you are allowing it, because it is happening and you are aware of it and you continue down the path of that is all he is doing so we are keeping the family together."

    I just got off the phone with my father who tried his best to help us through our issues with our son prior to his stint in the group home and is trying again to help prepare and guide us, now that our son will be coming back home in several weeks.

    He made the remark to me that, THIS TIME, we have to "be the parents," something he emphasized to us on numerous occasions before my son's arrest. I remember feeling frustrated and baffled by that comment because we were TELLING our son in no uncertain terms, AS his parents, that his marijuana use and other poor choices were resulting in unacceptable chaos in his and our lives, and that we wouldn't tolerate it. Yet, we WERE tolerating it by basically doing nothing but posturing (as I see it now and he must have seen it at the time.)

    If we had it to do over again, we would have done what my father urged us to do--accept the fact that, despite the love and concern we had for our son and the road he was traveling, we were simply incapable, at that time, of helping him and allow someone else who COULD help him to take over.