1/2 way thru......

[tracy551]

Good morning all! I haven't posted in awhile, But I thought I'd drop in with a few questions.
Well difficult child is now alittle better than 1/2 way thru his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) program at the "ranch". He is doing WONDERFUL!!!!!! :smile: The director there, and the staff has told me they wish all kids could adapt as easily as he has. He's polite, helpful and a hard worker. All of the things I knew he could be taken away from the friends he was running with here around town.
Now my questions: 1. Why am I so worried that when he comes home it will disrupt the houseshold? I love him and want him home but things are different now here. Sort of calm like. 2. How can I keep him from making the same stupid choices? Or can I?The same kids are running around here, doing the same stuff. I'm worried he'll get "caught up" again. He will be 18 in May and then if there's trouble I definately can't help him. I told him when I saw him around his birthday back in May that this is the last time I'm coming to see him in a place like this for his birthday. I said next year you will be 18 and I'm not coming to the jail to visit him. 3. Why do I feel guilty about not wanting him to come home? I mean I want him home but I sort of feel like when he comes home he'll just pick up where he left off. I know I can't control him forever he is almost an adult but I just want him to be a productive member of the community. I'm affraid that he'll end up being one of the drug using, no job having bums, we see around town. WHY IS THIS SO HARD!!!!! 4. What kind of rules can you set for a kid who is almost 18, and has been to one of these places? I can keep him locked up in the house for fear that he may get into something.
I could probably go on and on. Just my head is spinning with all these questions and I have about 3 months to figure this out. It doesn't seem like enough time. I don't think there will ever be enough time. :crazy:
Any help would be helpful. Have a great day all!!!!! :

 

[everywoman]

Tracy,
You ask a number of questions that many of us struggle with. When will be get out? Will he already be 18? Has he finished school?

My take on this is that his choices are his choices. You can help and give him support as long as his choices are good, but when he begins to go "off track" you have to remove all support.
It's not easy parenting an "adult" child. I have one at home now, and it's hard to walk the line.

Your feelings about his homecoming come from that place that houses all the memories of the trouble he causes. It's normal. I still have the same feelings about my son and he has been back home since April.

I wish I could tell you it will all go well, but I know that it will be hard work for everyone involved.

 

[busywend]

Well, first I think you need to describe the changes in your household right now. He needs to start thinking about what your home must be like without him there. Perhaps painful, but I am betting he already has a picture in his mind as to what home is like. I bet it is not the way you would describe it today.
If it is less stressful without him there (as if it couldn't be, right?!) then he needs to hear that it is. Get specific.

When he is released you will be able to refer to way the house runs now.

Once he is home you can point out how is is changing the household dynamic and that you want to find a way to keep it the way it was. Be ready with suggestions for him and his reactions.



Do not feel bad for feeling relief at his absence. He may actually feel relief at being away from the home himself. It is OK. He needs to know his feelings are OK, too. It does not mean there is no love.


You really can not dictate his actions to him. He still needs to learn by mistakes. I think at his age you can prepare him now for your role in his life when he is released. If you plan to make suggestions on the decision you feel he should make but it is up to him - then prepare him for that now. He should have a clear picture of what life will be like at home before he even leaves Residential Treatment Center (RTC).