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14 year old step-son is scaring me
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 283532" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>OK, that sounds like another cultural difference. Here, in this situaiton, it would be worth "picking the brains" of the local cops, as to what a bloke should do in this situation. If he explained that he's been in the house for only 3 years but this 14 year old boy did what he did in the bathroom and then shook his genitals at the stepdad - that (at least here) wouldn't sound like an abuser trying to cover his tracks in the event of an accusation. If abuse is at all responsible for the boy's behaviour, it would have been abuse going back a lot further than three years because that is very infantile behaviour; abuse victims tend to be 'locked in' at some level, to the age when the abuse happened. </p><p></p><p>IN this case then - nomad's counsellor has made some strong suggestions, plus should have made good notes on what he has reported. Did you tell the counsellor everything? Can you make sure the counsellor has it recorded? If so, then ask what you should do (and hope you get told! In my experience, counsellors respond with, "What do YOU think you should do?" and are NEVER so helpful as to suggest what you could do.)</p><p></p><p>NOmad, I agree with MWM and others on this. Unfortunately, you're in a very nasty position. YOu may be right, the boy may never try the sexual abuse claim on you. But he might. The thing is, when cornered he could do or say anything, and when the chips are down, you don't know which way his mother will respond. You love them and want to keep them safe - but if YOU are not safe, you can't save them. You can only save them, if the mother allows it. If, when the chips are down, she is likely to choose her son over you - then they cannot ever be saved by you and the sooner you know this, the sooner you can be safe.</p><p></p><p>Buf it she IS likely to accept your help, then again - the sooner you report this, the better for you all.</p><p></p><p>Reporting this could lose her. If it does, then you never had her firmly in your life. </p><p></p><p>Not reporting this could lose everything, it certianly won't salvage anything.</p><p></p><p>You;'re caught between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes there is no easy answer. There's just hard answers and harder answers.</p><p></p><p>If tihs is meant Occupational Therapist (OT) end, then the sooner you can get on with your life, the better. And if this is meant to stop, then the sooner you can get on with a GOOD life WITH this family, the better.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 283532, member: 1991"] OK, that sounds like another cultural difference. Here, in this situaiton, it would be worth "picking the brains" of the local cops, as to what a bloke should do in this situation. If he explained that he's been in the house for only 3 years but this 14 year old boy did what he did in the bathroom and then shook his genitals at the stepdad - that (at least here) wouldn't sound like an abuser trying to cover his tracks in the event of an accusation. If abuse is at all responsible for the boy's behaviour, it would have been abuse going back a lot further than three years because that is very infantile behaviour; abuse victims tend to be 'locked in' at some level, to the age when the abuse happened. IN this case then - nomad's counsellor has made some strong suggestions, plus should have made good notes on what he has reported. Did you tell the counsellor everything? Can you make sure the counsellor has it recorded? If so, then ask what you should do (and hope you get told! In my experience, counsellors respond with, "What do YOU think you should do?" and are NEVER so helpful as to suggest what you could do.) NOmad, I agree with MWM and others on this. Unfortunately, you're in a very nasty position. YOu may be right, the boy may never try the sexual abuse claim on you. But he might. The thing is, when cornered he could do or say anything, and when the chips are down, you don't know which way his mother will respond. You love them and want to keep them safe - but if YOU are not safe, you can't save them. You can only save them, if the mother allows it. If, when the chips are down, she is likely to choose her son over you - then they cannot ever be saved by you and the sooner you know this, the sooner you can be safe. Buf it she IS likely to accept your help, then again - the sooner you report this, the better for you all. Reporting this could lose her. If it does, then you never had her firmly in your life. Not reporting this could lose everything, it certianly won't salvage anything. You;'re caught between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes there is no easy answer. There's just hard answers and harder answers. If tihs is meant Occupational Therapist (OT) end, then the sooner you can get on with your life, the better. And if this is meant to stop, then the sooner you can get on with a GOOD life WITH this family, the better. Marg [/QUOTE]
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