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Substance Abuse
14 yr old son about to be expelled..
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<blockquote data-quote="Zardo" data-source="post: 488962" data-attributes="member: 12490"><p>I too have been there - almost the same exact scenario. As other have said - the drug use is probably driving the inability to reach him and it's probably more than pot. I know in our case, that was the case. In the 18 months that we lived in this hell, one of the most impactful events was when my son got caught with pot and tobacco at school and got expelled. That was the beginning of the change. Prior to that event, he was so out of control, not doing ANY school work, screaming at us every night, throwing things in the home at just the suggestion of "time to do your homework", etc. When he got expelled, it was the first time that he saw that we (my husband and I) were not the enemy and, in fact, were trying to help him. Unfortunately, the effect of that event didn't last as he had to suffer several more setbacks and self-created natural consequences, but instead of us policing him, the natural consequences really hurt him inside and each time, he came to us for help. Here we are almost two years later, and it's not "fixed" yet, but we and he are SO much better than things were freshman year. As others have said - don't protect him too much - if he's acting out this way, he will probably get expelled, don't beg for him not to. If he acts out at home either abusively or damages your property - consider calling the police - if he gets sent to juvenielle court, step one is they try to help by mandating programs including drug treatment if he is caught with that. You can even speak to your youth officer now to see if there is a way to appeal to the court for help with him now. In my town, you can and THEY will mandate programs including drug treatment if need be. Take care of yourself - either find a support group or read up - there are several good books that helped me through - "Teens Under the Influence" - "The Unchanged Mind" and "To Change a Mind". Also - if you have the funds - a Wilderness Treatment program can be a good intervention and there are programs that take kids who are not interested - they come in the middle of the night and "escort" them. It sounds extreme, but for us, it was one of the things we used and the positive peer culture there was an important step in my son being more aware of his emotional issues and level of substance dependance. One last thought - since the principle is suggesting that he is not going to make it at the regular high school - how about appealing to the town for funds to send him to a therapeutic boarding emotional growth school. They will not tell you about these programs unless you ask (in writing), but they do exist and your town have access to these programs. The first step in pursuing that is formally request an evaluation, as others have suggested, to see if there are emotional or academic issues that are affecting his ability to function at school. If you want to pursue this, you must e-mail the principle and guidance counselor requesting "psychoeductional testing" to determine this. GOOD LUCK - I know it's so hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Zardo, post: 488962, member: 12490"] I too have been there - almost the same exact scenario. As other have said - the drug use is probably driving the inability to reach him and it's probably more than pot. I know in our case, that was the case. In the 18 months that we lived in this hell, one of the most impactful events was when my son got caught with pot and tobacco at school and got expelled. That was the beginning of the change. Prior to that event, he was so out of control, not doing ANY school work, screaming at us every night, throwing things in the home at just the suggestion of "time to do your homework", etc. When he got expelled, it was the first time that he saw that we (my husband and I) were not the enemy and, in fact, were trying to help him. Unfortunately, the effect of that event didn't last as he had to suffer several more setbacks and self-created natural consequences, but instead of us policing him, the natural consequences really hurt him inside and each time, he came to us for help. Here we are almost two years later, and it's not "fixed" yet, but we and he are SO much better than things were freshman year. As others have said - don't protect him too much - if he's acting out this way, he will probably get expelled, don't beg for him not to. If he acts out at home either abusively or damages your property - consider calling the police - if he gets sent to juvenielle court, step one is they try to help by mandating programs including drug treatment if he is caught with that. You can even speak to your youth officer now to see if there is a way to appeal to the court for help with him now. In my town, you can and THEY will mandate programs including drug treatment if need be. Take care of yourself - either find a support group or read up - there are several good books that helped me through - "Teens Under the Influence" - "The Unchanged Mind" and "To Change a Mind". Also - if you have the funds - a Wilderness Treatment program can be a good intervention and there are programs that take kids who are not interested - they come in the middle of the night and "escort" them. It sounds extreme, but for us, it was one of the things we used and the positive peer culture there was an important step in my son being more aware of his emotional issues and level of substance dependance. One last thought - since the principle is suggesting that he is not going to make it at the regular high school - how about appealing to the town for funds to send him to a therapeutic boarding emotional growth school. They will not tell you about these programs unless you ask (in writing), but they do exist and your town have access to these programs. The first step in pursuing that is formally request an evaluation, as others have suggested, to see if there are emotional or academic issues that are affecting his ability to function at school. If you want to pursue this, you must e-mail the principle and guidance counselor requesting "psychoeductional testing" to determine this. GOOD LUCK - I know it's so hard. [/QUOTE]
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