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17 y/o son newly diagnosed ODD and moved out...dont know how to help
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 731271" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You could take away the car? Make him be respectful or bored. He can get a part time job and pay for his own toys.</p><p></p><p>Kids are born with their own temperments. Some are easy and if you neglect them they are still respectful.</p><p> But some are just more difficult no matter hpw hard we try and if they are allowed to run over us and abuse us it will only make them feel they are invincible And those kids need us to be the adults and stand up to them and limit what they can do on our dime in our house if they refuse to be decent. Our house/our rules. We are all different but that is what I think you should do. He is old enough that he is choosing his behavior and he can choose to stop it too. To me this is on him.</p><p></p><p>If he looks or acts threatening CALL THE POLICE!!!! Many of us have had to. Don't let him get up in your face!</p><p></p><p>.If my kid had driven too late she would have had no car to drive. In fact she didn't have a car to drive after we found her smoking pot. And we even had to make her leave the house at 19 when she used stronger drugs. No drugs were allowed on our house She quit! It has been over a decade now and the day she left was so hard for us, but I had little kids and they couldn't see her acting drug crazy and refusing treatment. I thought she would end up in jail or dead but she quit!</p><p></p><p>Why are you putting this on you? Many parents are neglectful yet their kids behave. It's not fair bit it's true.</p><p></p><p> Many kids hsve amazing parents but their kids inherited difficult personality traits. I have four kids all very different. If it was about us all of our kids would turn out the same. It is probably your son who needs counseling but it won't work unless he wants to change. All you can do is make his actions reap consequences no matter how much he throws toddler tantrums and screams that its your fault. Yes, the kids who bring us here all work from the same playbook. Your son is like all the others here. He is not unique. You are not the problem.</p><p></p><p>The best two cents I can give you is what I would do and did. I'd take away all his toys that he cared about until he is reserctful and think about how you are helping him to force him to feel discomfort and.learn that this behavior doesn't reap rewards. My daughter only got what we legally needed to provide...healthy food, clothes from Walmart, medical care and the like. She did get a job and WE drove her. It was part time after school. She hated it all but too bad....she used drugs. We were not going to help her die by feeling sorry for her and giving her money or a car that she would use for drugs and buying drugs and driving impaired. Parenthood is not a popularity contest. Our kids are not products of us. They have DNA, school, peers, television, lots of bad influences no matter how good we are or how hard we try.</p><p></p><p>If drugs are involved tell him rehab or no car or phone or allowance or anything until he moves out, buys his own stuff and pays his own insurance for his car.</p><p></p><p>No teen really respects a parent who doesn't respect himself and allows himself be abused. Would you let anyone else treat you like he does? . You don't need therapy to know you would not. If you belong to a church, talking to your pastor may help empower you. That is technicallytjust talking to a friend, not legally therapy. Do you have other children? A wife? A support system?</p><p></p><p>I sorry you are going through this but it is not your fault. Are there difficult DNA relatives on.either side of his family tree? Many of us believe that when it comes to personality traits nature trump's nurture. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't learn that bad behavior will take away his fun. If he flips off a cop the cop will have no sympathy. See? You may blame yourself and feel bad, which you don't shouldn't really do but strangers will rightfully blame and punish HIM especially once he is of age.</p><p></p><p>Love and light and stand strong <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Yes, it's hard but we must....even when they throw a toddler fit. Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 731271, member: 1550"] You could take away the car? Make him be respectful or bored. He can get a part time job and pay for his own toys. Kids are born with their own temperments. Some are easy and if you neglect them they are still respectful. But some are just more difficult no matter hpw hard we try and if they are allowed to run over us and abuse us it will only make them feel they are invincible And those kids need us to be the adults and stand up to them and limit what they can do on our dime in our house if they refuse to be decent. Our house/our rules. We are all different but that is what I think you should do. He is old enough that he is choosing his behavior and he can choose to stop it too. To me this is on him. If he looks or acts threatening CALL THE POLICE!!!! Many of us have had to. Don't let him get up in your face! .If my kid had driven too late she would have had no car to drive. In fact she didn't have a car to drive after we found her smoking pot. And we even had to make her leave the house at 19 when she used stronger drugs. No drugs were allowed on our house She quit! It has been over a decade now and the day she left was so hard for us, but I had little kids and they couldn't see her acting drug crazy and refusing treatment. I thought she would end up in jail or dead but she quit! Why are you putting this on you? Many parents are neglectful yet their kids behave. It's not fair bit it's true. Many kids hsve amazing parents but their kids inherited difficult personality traits. I have four kids all very different. If it was about us all of our kids would turn out the same. It is probably your son who needs counseling but it won't work unless he wants to change. All you can do is make his actions reap consequences no matter how much he throws toddler tantrums and screams that its your fault. Yes, the kids who bring us here all work from the same playbook. Your son is like all the others here. He is not unique. You are not the problem. The best two cents I can give you is what I would do and did. I'd take away all his toys that he cared about until he is reserctful and think about how you are helping him to force him to feel discomfort and.learn that this behavior doesn't reap rewards. My daughter only got what we legally needed to provide...healthy food, clothes from Walmart, medical care and the like. She did get a job and WE drove her. It was part time after school. She hated it all but too bad....she used drugs. We were not going to help her die by feeling sorry for her and giving her money or a car that she would use for drugs and buying drugs and driving impaired. Parenthood is not a popularity contest. Our kids are not products of us. They have DNA, school, peers, television, lots of bad influences no matter how good we are or how hard we try. If drugs are involved tell him rehab or no car or phone or allowance or anything until he moves out, buys his own stuff and pays his own insurance for his car. No teen really respects a parent who doesn't respect himself and allows himself be abused. Would you let anyone else treat you like he does? . You don't need therapy to know you would not. If you belong to a church, talking to your pastor may help empower you. That is technicallytjust talking to a friend, not legally therapy. Do you have other children? A wife? A support system? I sorry you are going through this but it is not your fault. Are there difficult DNA relatives on.either side of his family tree? Many of us believe that when it comes to personality traits nature trump's nurture. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't learn that bad behavior will take away his fun. If he flips off a cop the cop will have no sympathy. See? You may blame yourself and feel bad, which you don't shouldn't really do but strangers will rightfully blame and punish HIM especially once he is of age. Love and light and stand strong :) Yes, it's hard but we must....even when they throw a toddler fit. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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17 y/o son newly diagnosed ODD and moved out...dont know how to help
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