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17 year old ruining our lives
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 372387" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I know things are very different in Canada, and different in each part of Canada to some degree. So if I suggest things that won't work, I am sorry.</p><p> </p><p>What are the penalties for underage drinking in Canada? For drug use as a minor?? I assume they sell drug tests in stores there. Here we can get them at most pharmacies. Get a drug test and make her do it. Take away EVERYTHING until she does. Get some sturdy deadbolts or hasps and padlocks and put them on EVERY door in the house. Put EVERY valuable thing behind a locked door. Take the door OFF of difficult child's room. She does NOT deserve privacy as she has PROVEN that she is not trustworthy. She can change in the bathroom and maybe earn a curtain. </p><p> </p><p>Give her a curfew. Lock the doors at 10pm. If she is not inside by then she cannot come in until 8 am. Period. Make SURE your husband knows this. IF she pounds on the door and makes a fuss, pour cold water on her from upstairs or hook a hose to the nearest faucet and open the door enough to BLAST her with it. </p><p> </p><p>Get the cops to check her over and over for drugs. Give them the results of the drug tests. Go through her room and ANYWHERE she spends even a little time. Find her drugs and turn them, and her if possible, over to the cops. </p><p> </p><p>The cops may or may not do much. It WILL start a paper trail of some sort. If you keep dragging her in or calling them over and over they WILL get tired of it and put some charges on her.</p><p> </p><p>Go ahead and strip her room of everything except a mattress, a blanket and pillow, a light, and 7 outfits of YOUR choice. Do NOT allow her to have ANYTHING else. Lock it all up. Pawn her cell phone and anything else of any value to replace what she has stolen from you. If she has any nice clothing take it to a consignment store or list it on ebay. I have seen ebay auctions where the parent said something like "delinquent fool stole my jewelry and ran up a huge phone bill on phone sex lines. selling his cell phone to get some of the money back." Those auctions tend to get a LOT of traffic and decent amounts of $$.</p><p> </p><p>Make sure that even the FOOD is locked up. You and husband have the keys and they are NEVER NEVER NEVER put down anywhere or given to her. Keep them on a belt around your waist or a lanyard around your neck. </p><p> </p><p>Both kids may have a fit. If the younger one doesn't shape up by seeing this, strip her of her possessions too. </p><p> </p><p>No rides. If they have cars, sell them. If they have bikes, sell them. YOU own what they have as they are too young to enter into contracts. </p><p> </p><p>Don't yell or scream. Say no and go about your business. Ignore as much as possible. By locking up everything that you value and allowing them entry into very few areas of the house you will protect your home from their destruction. If you have to have someone change a wall to put a door you can lock on the kitchen, go for it. </p><p> </p><p>Food can be given when YOU want them to have it, not when they want to eat. Provide NOTHING that they like to eat until such time as they behave. </p><p> </p><p>Chances are at least the older one will move out. She will probably give someone a sob story about how mean you are, but ignore it. She will show her spots to them soon enough.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry things are so rough. I would do my best to use the drug and alcohol laws to get her locked up. If she pounds on the door drunk at night, don't let her in, call the cops because she is drunk or stoned. over and over andover. She may only get a fine, from what I can see online it is about $150. Do NOT pay it no matter what. The cops will work to find whoever sold it and THEY will get a heavy penalty. If you know the names of anyone she parties with, or where she goes to get booze, that would help. The people who get in trouble will know it is because she got caught. they will share this with others and all of them will begin to refuse to party with her. They will likely be VERY upset with her, esp if it is at other people's houses and their parents get into trouble. This will make a lot of problems for her, which is as it should be. There will be a lot less places she can party.</p><p> </p><p>Here is a link to the Canadian Foundation for Drug Policy (<a href="http://www.cfdp.ca/" target="_blank">http://www.cfdp.ca/</a>), you may or may not find some help there. Maybe you can contact them and find a way to push some penalties on your difficult child. Remember, anything a drug user says is a lie. Period. Also, if you use drugs you sell drugs. Period. every drug user I have ever met has said that, both the current and the recovering users. </p><p> </p><p>I am sorry things are so bad. (((((hugs)))))</p><p> </p><p>I hoep that at some point you can get some calm in your home and your husband can begin to feel better.</p><p> </p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 372387, member: 1233"] I know things are very different in Canada, and different in each part of Canada to some degree. So if I suggest things that won't work, I am sorry. What are the penalties for underage drinking in Canada? For drug use as a minor?? I assume they sell drug tests in stores there. Here we can get them at most pharmacies. Get a drug test and make her do it. Take away EVERYTHING until she does. Get some sturdy deadbolts or hasps and padlocks and put them on EVERY door in the house. Put EVERY valuable thing behind a locked door. Take the door OFF of difficult child's room. She does NOT deserve privacy as she has PROVEN that she is not trustworthy. She can change in the bathroom and maybe earn a curtain. Give her a curfew. Lock the doors at 10pm. If she is not inside by then she cannot come in until 8 am. Period. Make SURE your husband knows this. IF she pounds on the door and makes a fuss, pour cold water on her from upstairs or hook a hose to the nearest faucet and open the door enough to BLAST her with it. Get the cops to check her over and over for drugs. Give them the results of the drug tests. Go through her room and ANYWHERE she spends even a little time. Find her drugs and turn them, and her if possible, over to the cops. The cops may or may not do much. It WILL start a paper trail of some sort. If you keep dragging her in or calling them over and over they WILL get tired of it and put some charges on her. Go ahead and strip her room of everything except a mattress, a blanket and pillow, a light, and 7 outfits of YOUR choice. Do NOT allow her to have ANYTHING else. Lock it all up. Pawn her cell phone and anything else of any value to replace what she has stolen from you. If she has any nice clothing take it to a consignment store or list it on ebay. I have seen ebay auctions where the parent said something like "delinquent fool stole my jewelry and ran up a huge phone bill on phone sex lines. selling his cell phone to get some of the money back." Those auctions tend to get a LOT of traffic and decent amounts of $$. Make sure that even the FOOD is locked up. You and husband have the keys and they are NEVER NEVER NEVER put down anywhere or given to her. Keep them on a belt around your waist or a lanyard around your neck. Both kids may have a fit. If the younger one doesn't shape up by seeing this, strip her of her possessions too. No rides. If they have cars, sell them. If they have bikes, sell them. YOU own what they have as they are too young to enter into contracts. Don't yell or scream. Say no and go about your business. Ignore as much as possible. By locking up everything that you value and allowing them entry into very few areas of the house you will protect your home from their destruction. If you have to have someone change a wall to put a door you can lock on the kitchen, go for it. Food can be given when YOU want them to have it, not when they want to eat. Provide NOTHING that they like to eat until such time as they behave. Chances are at least the older one will move out. She will probably give someone a sob story about how mean you are, but ignore it. She will show her spots to them soon enough. I am sorry things are so rough. I would do my best to use the drug and alcohol laws to get her locked up. If she pounds on the door drunk at night, don't let her in, call the cops because she is drunk or stoned. over and over andover. She may only get a fine, from what I can see online it is about $150. Do NOT pay it no matter what. The cops will work to find whoever sold it and THEY will get a heavy penalty. If you know the names of anyone she parties with, or where she goes to get booze, that would help. The people who get in trouble will know it is because she got caught. they will share this with others and all of them will begin to refuse to party with her. They will likely be VERY upset with her, esp if it is at other people's houses and their parents get into trouble. This will make a lot of problems for her, which is as it should be. There will be a lot less places she can party. Here is a link to the Canadian Foundation for Drug Policy ([URL]http://www.cfdp.ca/[/URL]), you may or may not find some help there. Maybe you can contact them and find a way to push some penalties on your difficult child. Remember, anything a drug user says is a lie. Period. Also, if you use drugs you sell drugs. Period. every drug user I have ever met has said that, both the current and the recovering users. I am sorry things are so bad. (((((hugs))))) I hoep that at some point you can get some calm in your home and your husband can begin to feel better. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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