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17 year old ruining our lives
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 373444" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Cindygirl, </p><p> </p><p>Hi there. I for one hope you come back to your post and respond in some way because for one? I think YOU need friends. Good understanding, caring, non-judgemental friends and now. THAT my dear is us. Yeah and well - I was so lucky in my life to marry a man that did horrible things to me, stole from me - he even had some woman pose as me and stole my identity to the tune of 40k. Yeah - wanna know the kicker to THAT? I couldn't prosecute because...I was still married to him and in hiding from a violent relationship. Oh it gets better - then our son grows up to steal from me and lie to me...and I end up throwing HIM out and he goes and finds the turd and now he lives with him. Lives with him - after a lifetime of sacraficing everything - to keep him away from the turd. Yup.....yeah - you're in good company here. Lol. I soooo get where you are right now. been there done that - could have even made Tshirts. </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes I think a lot of what we do as parents of kids like this boils down to anger at our own common sense. I mean think about your daughter like this.....IF she was someone that you did not know, and you took her in, and you allowed her to live with you, gave her food, shelter, and she stole your credit card and took all her bum friends out to dinner, and drinking and paid for gas in their cars etc. etc, would you 1.) Kick her out, 2.) Allow her to remain in your house 3.) Have her arrested 4.) Never speak to her again. I mean three of those 4 make sense. #2 - makes no sense. But then the law in it's infinite wisdom steps in and says </p><p>"Well if you can't control her - we can't either - so you keep her." </p><p>WHAT? </p><p>So the kid learns - she is INVINCIBLE. Okay ......so let's up the antey. </p><p>Now she knows she can steal you blind and rob you in broad daylight.....so lets come home stoned and drunk...you will 1.) throw her out 2.) allow her to remain in your house 3.) have her arrested 4.) never speak to her again. </p><p>Again - 3 out of the four or at least 2 out of the four make perfect sense.....but again - NO consequences. </p><p> </p><p>So this goes on and on and on....and you have called the police and called them and documented this ?? I mean did you make a report at least everytime something happened with the authorities? </p><p> </p><p>I ask.....because here in the US. or specifically in the state I live - with documentation of really bad behavior I can go to a magistrate in family court and ask the clerk for a petition of incorrigibility. It doesn't matter the age of the child....er MINOR CHILD...what I get is a day in court, with a judge where I take MY records showing that I can't deal with this child, that I have tried to get help, that I am overwhelmed, and can no longer control my kid, she won't obey, she won't listen and she is very much in need of ASSISTANCE from an outside source. Here we call it juvenille detention or Department of Juvenile Justice Department of Juvenille Justice - or kiddie jail. If they don't get 'along' there? If they don't go to school there? If they don't go to court ordered therapy and drug counseling there? They get to go to adult jail. If they don't get along there? well they get to go to prison and if they don't get along there prisioners much harder and lived than they are encourage them to get along with the program. </p><p> </p><p>I filed for a petition of incorrigibility with Dude. I never GOT my day in court with the judge....Dude managed to get his own day thanks to 13 counts of this and 3 counts of that - and became the first felon in my families history at the age of 15 going on 16. Lovely. However - Between Department of Juvenile Justice, and then his little escapade after that which landed him in county jail for a few days? yeah - well -----NOT much fun there. (insert pity look). </p><p> </p><p>He's managed to put himself there again - since - and my stance was and will be ----you get yourself in again - you get yourself out. I can't come visit---the first time caused me to have a stroke. (no lie) </p><p> </p><p>So.....I would do as the others and myself have suggested. LOCK IT UP....and I mean get a safe. Yeah I hate living like that too - but I know when it's in the safe it will be there when I get back. As far as the cell phones? GET A LOCK ON THAT.....code word and block on uses. (I have that) if I loose it - no one calls out or Momma in spain or Greenland.....you have to have MY code. You don't have my unlock code? You don't call anyone....not even down the road. PITA? Yup. Better than a high phone bill. </p><p> </p><p>And the gal that said - PROVIDE THE BASICs....OH HONEY - if you don't think I wouldn't strip her room of something each time she smarted off. (With a written warning starting NOW?) -----wrong. I'd just make sure that there wasn't even so much as a bar of soap left for her in the bathroom. EVERYTHING even my toothbrush is locked up. My windows were checked EVERY SINGLE TIME I left. MY KEYS? Stayed on a bungee ring on my pants. My car has a locking gas cap - and his friends no longer get gas for FREE. Our garage has three dead bolts....no more missing tools. My everything has SERIAL NUMBERS scrawled on them...and MY NAME IN BIG BLACK MARKER......YOU BETCHA. SOMEWHERE, on everything in this house - is my name - even my dogs.....microchipped. </p><p> </p><p>So ----now that he's moved out what is it good for? EVERYTHING. I'm an insurance agents dream. I'll never get messed over on a policy to replace any contents - for sure. Asking you - if that Wii had been in a house fire? Would you have gotten it replaced on your home owners policy? Ahhhhh see? Now you're thinking like the person who is getting ripped off all the time. Get a list .......keep it updated. See???? PITA -maybe - tornado hits your home? Yeah.....see where I'm going with this? Your daughter IS a tornado. </p><p> </p><p>So......besides that. I would also change ALL the deadbolts in my house and give only MYSELF and my HUSBAND the keys. Then guard them like air. She would NOT be allowed in the house unless someone was there. She would NOT be allowed to leave unless you inspected her purse, or outside her window or watched her leave. Dude used to LOVE to toss things out the window then walk out on inspection then RUN back under his window---clever bugger. Yeah just in time to have Dad standing there waiting to say PUT IT BACK and get in the house you are not going anywhere now. HAHAHAH......</p><p> </p><p>Or he'd hang a bag out in a tree earlier in the day - and THEN walk out like - NOTHING ON ME----grab the bag. So we got in the habit of walking him out. OH the utter anger that would cause. Sometimes he'd come back----we hear a car? We go out. Yup - there he is trying to get the stuff he had taken....and NOW he can get in the house...and your friend can go home. Buh bye. </p><p> </p><p>I figure if you have to be home anyway - and she's making YOUR life miserable....you should agree to help her,.after all that's what a parent is for. If she comes home drunk again? I'd call the ambulance and tell them you swear you thought she threatened to harm herself. Again - only helping, but if she is so drunk she's incoherent isn't that technically self-harming behavior? Why should YOU deal with it when there are facilities that are very well equipped to help her? And if you call them enough times? Surely this falls under some type of incorrigibility standard? If she takes your credit cards and runs up the charges? I wouldn't tell anyone I KNEW who took my charge cards....I would say they were missing.....and then implicate ALL her friends as well. Honestly --I would make sure that each and every person she 'purchased' items FOR was implicated in the scam and brought to justice. </p><p> </p><p>You think possibly I'm kidding....Dude took change off me once. Stole it. When he showed up here at my house with his buddies and they all had Subway samiches, drinks and chips....and I found out that they ALL knew it was my stolen money their lunch was paid for with - I called their Moms. I told their Mothers either they could replace my money or their kids could go to jail right along with mine. - My money was replaced in dimes and quarters just like it was taken - by both boys. Dude worked his off like a dog. </p><p>What's fair is fair. </p><p> </p><p>I hope this response finds you in better spirits. Not in a bottle of spirits 'cause Goodness knows I dove a time or twelve for medicinal reasons.....but seriously keep your chin up - and find out what you can do about filing a petition of incorrigibility and get tough around your house. Katya and the others gave your spot on advice. </p><p> </p><p>Tough love isn't just for kids.....</p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 373444, member: 4964"] Cindygirl, Hi there. I for one hope you come back to your post and respond in some way because for one? I think YOU need friends. Good understanding, caring, non-judgemental friends and now. THAT my dear is us. Yeah and well - I was so lucky in my life to marry a man that did horrible things to me, stole from me - he even had some woman pose as me and stole my identity to the tune of 40k. Yeah - wanna know the kicker to THAT? I couldn't prosecute because...I was still married to him and in hiding from a violent relationship. Oh it gets better - then our son grows up to steal from me and lie to me...and I end up throwing HIM out and he goes and finds the turd and now he lives with him. Lives with him - after a lifetime of sacraficing everything - to keep him away from the turd. Yup.....yeah - you're in good company here. Lol. I soooo get where you are right now. been there done that - could have even made Tshirts. Sometimes I think a lot of what we do as parents of kids like this boils down to anger at our own common sense. I mean think about your daughter like this.....IF she was someone that you did not know, and you took her in, and you allowed her to live with you, gave her food, shelter, and she stole your credit card and took all her bum friends out to dinner, and drinking and paid for gas in their cars etc. etc, would you 1.) Kick her out, 2.) Allow her to remain in your house 3.) Have her arrested 4.) Never speak to her again. I mean three of those 4 make sense. #2 - makes no sense. But then the law in it's infinite wisdom steps in and says "Well if you can't control her - we can't either - so you keep her." WHAT? So the kid learns - she is INVINCIBLE. Okay ......so let's up the antey. Now she knows she can steal you blind and rob you in broad daylight.....so lets come home stoned and drunk...you will 1.) throw her out 2.) allow her to remain in your house 3.) have her arrested 4.) never speak to her again. Again - 3 out of the four or at least 2 out of the four make perfect sense.....but again - NO consequences. So this goes on and on and on....and you have called the police and called them and documented this ?? I mean did you make a report at least everytime something happened with the authorities? I ask.....because here in the US. or specifically in the state I live - with documentation of really bad behavior I can go to a magistrate in family court and ask the clerk for a petition of incorrigibility. It doesn't matter the age of the child....er MINOR CHILD...what I get is a day in court, with a judge where I take MY records showing that I can't deal with this child, that I have tried to get help, that I am overwhelmed, and can no longer control my kid, she won't obey, she won't listen and she is very much in need of ASSISTANCE from an outside source. Here we call it juvenille detention or Department of Juvenile Justice Department of Juvenille Justice - or kiddie jail. If they don't get 'along' there? If they don't go to school there? If they don't go to court ordered therapy and drug counseling there? They get to go to adult jail. If they don't get along there? well they get to go to prison and if they don't get along there prisioners much harder and lived than they are encourage them to get along with the program. I filed for a petition of incorrigibility with Dude. I never GOT my day in court with the judge....Dude managed to get his own day thanks to 13 counts of this and 3 counts of that - and became the first felon in my families history at the age of 15 going on 16. Lovely. However - Between Department of Juvenile Justice, and then his little escapade after that which landed him in county jail for a few days? yeah - well -----NOT much fun there. (insert pity look). He's managed to put himself there again - since - and my stance was and will be ----you get yourself in again - you get yourself out. I can't come visit---the first time caused me to have a stroke. (no lie) So.....I would do as the others and myself have suggested. LOCK IT UP....and I mean get a safe. Yeah I hate living like that too - but I know when it's in the safe it will be there when I get back. As far as the cell phones? GET A LOCK ON THAT.....code word and block on uses. (I have that) if I loose it - no one calls out or Momma in spain or Greenland.....you have to have MY code. You don't have my unlock code? You don't call anyone....not even down the road. PITA? Yup. Better than a high phone bill. And the gal that said - PROVIDE THE BASICs....OH HONEY - if you don't think I wouldn't strip her room of something each time she smarted off. (With a written warning starting NOW?) -----wrong. I'd just make sure that there wasn't even so much as a bar of soap left for her in the bathroom. EVERYTHING even my toothbrush is locked up. My windows were checked EVERY SINGLE TIME I left. MY KEYS? Stayed on a bungee ring on my pants. My car has a locking gas cap - and his friends no longer get gas for FREE. Our garage has three dead bolts....no more missing tools. My everything has SERIAL NUMBERS scrawled on them...and MY NAME IN BIG BLACK MARKER......YOU BETCHA. SOMEWHERE, on everything in this house - is my name - even my dogs.....microchipped. So ----now that he's moved out what is it good for? EVERYTHING. I'm an insurance agents dream. I'll never get messed over on a policy to replace any contents - for sure. Asking you - if that Wii had been in a house fire? Would you have gotten it replaced on your home owners policy? Ahhhhh see? Now you're thinking like the person who is getting ripped off all the time. Get a list .......keep it updated. See???? PITA -maybe - tornado hits your home? Yeah.....see where I'm going with this? Your daughter IS a tornado. So......besides that. I would also change ALL the deadbolts in my house and give only MYSELF and my HUSBAND the keys. Then guard them like air. She would NOT be allowed in the house unless someone was there. She would NOT be allowed to leave unless you inspected her purse, or outside her window or watched her leave. Dude used to LOVE to toss things out the window then walk out on inspection then RUN back under his window---clever bugger. Yeah just in time to have Dad standing there waiting to say PUT IT BACK and get in the house you are not going anywhere now. HAHAHAH...... Or he'd hang a bag out in a tree earlier in the day - and THEN walk out like - NOTHING ON ME----grab the bag. So we got in the habit of walking him out. OH the utter anger that would cause. Sometimes he'd come back----we hear a car? We go out. Yup - there he is trying to get the stuff he had taken....and NOW he can get in the house...and your friend can go home. Buh bye. I figure if you have to be home anyway - and she's making YOUR life miserable....you should agree to help her,.after all that's what a parent is for. If she comes home drunk again? I'd call the ambulance and tell them you swear you thought she threatened to harm herself. Again - only helping, but if she is so drunk she's incoherent isn't that technically self-harming behavior? Why should YOU deal with it when there are facilities that are very well equipped to help her? And if you call them enough times? Surely this falls under some type of incorrigibility standard? If she takes your credit cards and runs up the charges? I wouldn't tell anyone I KNEW who took my charge cards....I would say they were missing.....and then implicate ALL her friends as well. Honestly --I would make sure that each and every person she 'purchased' items FOR was implicated in the scam and brought to justice. You think possibly I'm kidding....Dude took change off me once. Stole it. When he showed up here at my house with his buddies and they all had Subway samiches, drinks and chips....and I found out that they ALL knew it was my stolen money their lunch was paid for with - I called their Moms. I told their Mothers either they could replace my money or their kids could go to jail right along with mine. - My money was replaced in dimes and quarters just like it was taken - by both boys. Dude worked his off like a dog. What's fair is fair. I hope this response finds you in better spirits. Not in a bottle of spirits 'cause Goodness knows I dove a time or twelve for medicinal reasons.....but seriously keep your chin up - and find out what you can do about filing a petition of incorrigibility and get tough around your house. Katya and the others gave your spot on advice. Tough love isn't just for kids..... Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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