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Substance Abuse
19 year old
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 525262"><p>You just described my summer with my 19 yo (he just turned 20) perfectly. Also his "Christmas Break".</p><p></p><p>The reality of these thoughts are that "if you don't stand for something; you will fall for anything." And you may be falling for anything right now. I don't have the answers. I played nice, I didn't rock the boat, I set minimal standards for living in our home and we enforced them. But I was walking on eggshells. Not because he was volatile, but because I knew things weren't right and I was trying to maintain equilibrium. I had a constant loop in my head "where is he? is he coming home tonight? will he be home for dinner? Should I text and ask? Will that bug him? (etc etc) And it made me on edge. I bore the brunt of it - along with my H and my pcs because I was EDGY. I kept trying to meet him halfway and it was a joke. He never budged from his end. I just kept moving toward him and the halfway point kept getting reset closer to his end. I actually typed it out like this: (I was trying to illustrate it to myself, the "0" represents halfway)</p><p></p><p>me|---------------------0-------------------------------|(him)</p><p>-------------------------me|----------------0-----------|(him) </p><p>--------------------------------------------me|----0----|(him)</p><p>------------------------------------------ -------me|-0-|(him) <em>this was the point when he sat at my kitchen table and told us if he agreed to stay home "this is how it would be" (motorcycle, smoking pot, no responsibilities, "don't ask, I won't tell" etc. There's a post somewhere on this board dated at the end of Jan with the incredulous nitty gritty.)</em></p><p></p><p>When he first stormed out in August to go back to school against our wishes, I was posting on the PE board, and trying to make sense of it all. Someone - I think it was Star or Susiestar* maybe - told me that by placating the situation, I had been handing him control. It was an "AHA" moment. And while I said "never again", I have to admit we fell back into that pattern when he was here for a month in January. When you don't push because you are afraid of how he will react - you are giving him the control. This time I know, never again. He will not live here again. </p><p></p><p>I would never dream of telling you what to do. But I hope you find some insight in my words and can learn from my mistakes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 525262"] You just described my summer with my 19 yo (he just turned 20) perfectly. Also his "Christmas Break". The reality of these thoughts are that "if you don't stand for something; you will fall for anything." And you may be falling for anything right now. I don't have the answers. I played nice, I didn't rock the boat, I set minimal standards for living in our home and we enforced them. But I was walking on eggshells. Not because he was volatile, but because I knew things weren't right and I was trying to maintain equilibrium. I had a constant loop in my head "where is he? is he coming home tonight? will he be home for dinner? Should I text and ask? Will that bug him? (etc etc) And it made me on edge. I bore the brunt of it - along with my H and my pcs because I was EDGY. I kept trying to meet him halfway and it was a joke. He never budged from his end. I just kept moving toward him and the halfway point kept getting reset closer to his end. I actually typed it out like this: (I was trying to illustrate it to myself, the "0" represents halfway) me|---------------------0-------------------------------|(him) -------------------------me|----------------0-----------|(him) --------------------------------------------me|----0----|(him) ------------------------------------------ -------me|-0-|(him) [I]this was the point when he sat at my kitchen table and told us if he agreed to stay home "this is how it would be" (motorcycle, smoking pot, no responsibilities, "don't ask, I won't tell" etc. There's a post somewhere on this board dated at the end of Jan with the incredulous nitty gritty.)[/I] When he first stormed out in August to go back to school against our wishes, I was posting on the PE board, and trying to make sense of it all. Someone - I think it was Star or Susiestar* maybe - told me that by placating the situation, I had been handing him control. It was an "AHA" moment. And while I said "never again", I have to admit we fell back into that pattern when he was here for a month in January. When you don't push because you are afraid of how he will react - you are giving him the control. This time I know, never again. He will not live here again. I would never dream of telling you what to do. But I hope you find some insight in my words and can learn from my mistakes. [/QUOTE]
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