2 hour countdown

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by StillStanding, Feb 23, 2017.

  1. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    Where we live, addicts can get free rehab (paid by the government). There is, of course, many more options if you pay yourself or have private insurance. My son doesn't have private insurance because he's too old for mine (21) and doesn't have a job.

    Because the free rehab is government funded, it has a very long waiting list. It took 3 months for my son to get the assessment meeting. 3 months to an addict is a lifetime of chaos. After the assessment meeting, you are then given the treatment meeting. The treatment meeting determines the options for treatment and where you can go. There's another waiting list after the treatment meeting.

    My son's treatment meeting is in 2.5 hours. We will have to leave in 2 hours to get there on time. And... he's not here.

    Of course I'm not surprised, and I will not race around to drag him out of the hole I know he's in. But, that doesn't change the heart ache. 7 years of pain, 3 months of hope and now a 2 hour countdown.
     
  2. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi Stillstanding. I'm sorry you have to go through this. You don't say how old your son is but the rehab opportunity sounds like a good one. Unfortunately, even a good one can't be forced and you seem to know this.
    I pray for him that he comes home soon in whatever condition and agrees to go, but that is on him, isn't it?
    This is the crux of it for many of us, the pain is so great. There's nothing easy about watching them in that hole when we see a life for them on the other side.
    No advice, just wanted you to know I get it. (as someone who once helped drag our son into a car only to drive an hour and be refused admittance because he wasn't bad enough--"follow up appointment next tuesday") That was at least 12 years ago and we remain still "in this". We understand the serenity prayer, we've had counseling and al-anon, but that underlying sadness still can creep in. We fight it everyday- just to go on with our own lives. Hugs to you this morning...and prayers.
     
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Sorry that you had your hopes up and are now waiting. I signed on almost two hours after you posted so maybe he showed up and you left! I'm hoping that.

    As SRTL said, he may not be ready. This is such a long and hard journey for us. Trying to get out Difficult Child back to where they should be but it is impossible for us to fix them. That's a hard lesson to learn since moms fix everything don't they?

    I hope you have some support for yourself. We are here for you.
     
  4. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    I hope he came back in time. You are doing everything you can. But as the others have said it is ALL up to him. You cant fix him. You can only fix yourself and your reaction to him and his habit. Please be good to yourselves and focus on the other positives in your life. He will come around IF and WHEN he wants to. We do understand your pain. Hugs.
     
  5. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    Thank you everyone for the kind words, hugs and prayers. I can't tell you how meaningful that is to me.

    The countdown is over. He didn't show up. Time for a new countdown I guess.
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Im so so sorry. Nothing about drugs and our kids is easy. Nothing. My beautiful, talented, smart princess took drugs from the tender age of 12 (I did not know at the time) until 19, when we made her leave, she left the state on the run from dealers, and she quit. She rejected all our offers of help and duped her psychiatrist when she ended up in a psychiatric hospital for putting a butcher knife to her throat. The doctor didnt believe she used drugs and falsely diagnosed her with bipolar. She doesnt have it. They are so different snd sneaky when they use.

    My daughter used meth, cocaine, psychopdelics, adhd medications (crush and snort) and even heroin a few times. She did not get addicted, she says, is because she snorted everything and would not use needles ever.

    She quit when she was ready to quit. No sooner. But she has been clean over ten years now. She likes me to remind parents that drug addicts cant care about anything but the drug when they use. She said not to take it personally. Their path of drugs is no picnic for them either. But you cant just quit. Most need help WHEN they are ready.

    My daughter said "drug life is hard and I got so sick of it."

    They have to get to that point. My daughter said she took drugs because she was new at school, nobody would talk to her and she had always been very shy. There is a large set of kids in mddle and high school who admire you if you take drugs plus it made her able to socialize. Sadly she became very popular fast. Drugs are a way for certain shy kids to find friends. And acceptance. Quitting means giving up all your friends who use. The users put my dauhjter under extreme pressure when she tried to quit before so she left the state to quit, nobody knew where she was (she didnt tell them) and she was alone until she met her boyfriend at work. She is still with him.

    Yo0ur son, my daughter, all users have to hit a bad spot where something makes our kids want to stop the craziness as well as give up drug using friends. If they still hang with them, they probably are not clean. Like hangs with like.

    My dsughter says the hatdest part of quitting was being without friends again in the new state. That is a hard part that we dont think about. Its the same with any substance, even alcohol. You have to drop your drinking buddies and that is usually all your friends. You can get lonely.

    You must be ready to give this up as well as go through withdrawals and learn to resist cravings after.

    I hope your son came home. If he didnt, he isnt ready to quit.

    Im so so sorry for your sad heart. There is hope. My daughter was headed for death or jail and she quit. Your son can too.

    Love and hugs to you.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2017
  7. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. I can so relate to the crushing disappointment and deep grief and despair. When will it ever change?

    So, today wasn't his day. He is somewhere doing whatever he is doing.

    Now it's YOUR DAY. I hope and pray you can focus on you right now, and do some nice things for yourself.

    I don't know why things happen like they do, but I know we are here for you.
     
  8. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    I love that Childofmine. "...today wasn't his day...Now it's YOUR DAY."

    As hard as it is, I will do something good for myself today.
     
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  9. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi. Still. I'm sorry he didn't show, but this is a good reminder...
    For me that's what "one day at a time" means..(even if it's usually one minute..) today wasn't his day but it's still mine. And so is tomorrow and yesterday. That separation is hard but vital for us all. You can handle this too, you are stronger than you think. Prayers.
     
  10. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    Thank you everyone. Today did not get better. Tomorrow is a new day.
     
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