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2 situations...would like your thoughts.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 332754" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Shari, it's time for you to set up a formal written contract with husband.</p><p></p><p>Pull him aside. Do this at a therapist session if you need to.</p><p></p><p>The contract - "I will not undermine you in front of the kids IF you pull your weight as a parent.</p><p>Pulling your weight as a parent means - treat each child equally. That means when I ask for help to sort out a problem with easy child 2, you follow through as far as I have asked you. And if weeGFG is annoying you to the point where you are about to scream at him, ask ME to handle it."</p><p></p><p>Add in the phrase "I will teach you how to be a good parent for easy child 2. I require your involvement. I am happy to guide tis and to even do a lot of it, but YOU must be present in every sense of the word."</p><p></p><p>I know this implies an "or else..." but really, it sounds like the "or else" is tat the marriage will be in trouble.</p><p></p><p>What you need to do is become SuperNanny. You know those scenes where she is talking the parents though using her methods? Where she says, "Now what you need to do, Mummy, is take her by the hand to the naughty chair. Now get down at her level and tell her how unhappy you are with her behaviour and what you want from her." They do this in front of the child (which I've never been happy with) but it does seem to work; the child does accept this as coming form the parent and not SuperNanny.</p><p></p><p>So next time you know easy child 2 has hidden wet clothes - make husband get easy child 2 and together, get the clothes. Talk husband through it if you have to, tell husband what he has to say to easy child 2 and make him say it, even if all he is doing is repeating what you say. In other words, treat husband like another difficult child who has to learn the steps of a procedure.</p><p></p><p>Similarly with buying the new clothes - make husband come along. So what if most blokes hate clothes shopping with women? Tough bikkies! It's HIS job, she's HIS daughter. YOu can help but frankly HE needs to be there to see her try the clothes on so he can learn what is a good fit and what isn't. She needs him to be involved so she can hear him say, "That looks nice, honey."</p><p>Then afterwards, reward him by taking him for coffee somewhere.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Don't do this. It will only allow the problem to escalate. PLus she will get very good at ignoring the wee smell and will wear the contaminated clothes. Others in the family are being affected by this (she borrowed your undies and did this to them) plus the clothes will literally rot if left (I speak form experience).</p><p>What you have to do is teach her how to do her own washing. The BEST way to hide an accident, is to completely clean it up. If the clothes are washed, dried and put away, who will know? Plus it's the grown-up way of dealing with it.</p><p>I firmly believe that as soon as a child can walk, they can clean up their own accidents. No punishment aspect to it, merely learning to meet personal responsibilities.</p><p></p><p>Another important part of the post-accident clean-up - washing the child's body. Even if it's just wee, she needs to wash her skin clean to avoid ammonia build-up and the smells plus skin irritation. We use wet wipes.</p><p></p><p>You've reminded me - I found the bathroom door shut yesterday morning. It's normally left open, so I asked difficult child 3 why the door was shut. He was embarrassed, didn't want to tell me. I was thinking, "OK, 15 yo boy, boxes of tisses time..." because he was saying, "You really don't want to know."</p><p></p><p>Turned out he had a rather messy "number 2" as he said, and he had gone in to the bathroom with a paper towel from the kitchen to wash himself. I asked him what he did with the paper towel - he said he flushed it.</p><p>I said, "good thinking, but wrong. Our sewerage system can't cope with that, I know it sounds yukky but it should have been put in a plastic bag and put in the rubbish."</p><p></p><p>I showed him that we have special bins in the bathrooms, there for the ladies of the house and those who visit. Those bin contents are thrown out in plastic bags, in the household rubbish. Also in the toilets we have boxes of baby wipes and those are there for all sorts of reasons, including cleaning up after a messy No 2. </p><p>I wasn't angry with him because he really tried to sort things out. But I used the opportunity to teach him the right way in case there's a next time.</p><p></p><p>Oh and I almost forgot - when dealing with ammoniacal clothing or any body fluid/excrement soiling (including sweat stains and BO) spray the clothing with white vinegar. or splash on some white vinegar. Then toss them in the laundry hamper. It won't matter if it dries before washing day, but it does greatly help deodorise clothes as well as knock out a lot of body origin stains. We bought a cheap spray bottle and some generic vinegar (not the stuff you put in your salad! Just the rough stuff) and keep it in the laundry. husband uses the same vinegar in the rinse for the ham bag, to keep the ham fresh.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 332754, member: 1991"] Shari, it's time for you to set up a formal written contract with husband. Pull him aside. Do this at a therapist session if you need to. The contract - "I will not undermine you in front of the kids IF you pull your weight as a parent. Pulling your weight as a parent means - treat each child equally. That means when I ask for help to sort out a problem with easy child 2, you follow through as far as I have asked you. And if weeGFG is annoying you to the point where you are about to scream at him, ask ME to handle it." Add in the phrase "I will teach you how to be a good parent for easy child 2. I require your involvement. I am happy to guide tis and to even do a lot of it, but YOU must be present in every sense of the word." I know this implies an "or else..." but really, it sounds like the "or else" is tat the marriage will be in trouble. What you need to do is become SuperNanny. You know those scenes where she is talking the parents though using her methods? Where she says, "Now what you need to do, Mummy, is take her by the hand to the naughty chair. Now get down at her level and tell her how unhappy you are with her behaviour and what you want from her." They do this in front of the child (which I've never been happy with) but it does seem to work; the child does accept this as coming form the parent and not SuperNanny. So next time you know easy child 2 has hidden wet clothes - make husband get easy child 2 and together, get the clothes. Talk husband through it if you have to, tell husband what he has to say to easy child 2 and make him say it, even if all he is doing is repeating what you say. In other words, treat husband like another difficult child who has to learn the steps of a procedure. Similarly with buying the new clothes - make husband come along. So what if most blokes hate clothes shopping with women? Tough bikkies! It's HIS job, she's HIS daughter. YOu can help but frankly HE needs to be there to see her try the clothes on so he can learn what is a good fit and what isn't. She needs him to be involved so she can hear him say, "That looks nice, honey." Then afterwards, reward him by taking him for coffee somewhere. Don't do this. It will only allow the problem to escalate. PLus she will get very good at ignoring the wee smell and will wear the contaminated clothes. Others in the family are being affected by this (she borrowed your undies and did this to them) plus the clothes will literally rot if left (I speak form experience). What you have to do is teach her how to do her own washing. The BEST way to hide an accident, is to completely clean it up. If the clothes are washed, dried and put away, who will know? Plus it's the grown-up way of dealing with it. I firmly believe that as soon as a child can walk, they can clean up their own accidents. No punishment aspect to it, merely learning to meet personal responsibilities. Another important part of the post-accident clean-up - washing the child's body. Even if it's just wee, she needs to wash her skin clean to avoid ammonia build-up and the smells plus skin irritation. We use wet wipes. You've reminded me - I found the bathroom door shut yesterday morning. It's normally left open, so I asked difficult child 3 why the door was shut. He was embarrassed, didn't want to tell me. I was thinking, "OK, 15 yo boy, boxes of tisses time..." because he was saying, "You really don't want to know." Turned out he had a rather messy "number 2" as he said, and he had gone in to the bathroom with a paper towel from the kitchen to wash himself. I asked him what he did with the paper towel - he said he flushed it. I said, "good thinking, but wrong. Our sewerage system can't cope with that, I know it sounds yukky but it should have been put in a plastic bag and put in the rubbish." I showed him that we have special bins in the bathrooms, there for the ladies of the house and those who visit. Those bin contents are thrown out in plastic bags, in the household rubbish. Also in the toilets we have boxes of baby wipes and those are there for all sorts of reasons, including cleaning up after a messy No 2. I wasn't angry with him because he really tried to sort things out. But I used the opportunity to teach him the right way in case there's a next time. Oh and I almost forgot - when dealing with ammoniacal clothing or any body fluid/excrement soiling (including sweat stains and BO) spray the clothing with white vinegar. or splash on some white vinegar. Then toss them in the laundry hamper. It won't matter if it dries before washing day, but it does greatly help deodorise clothes as well as knock out a lot of body origin stains. We bought a cheap spray bottle and some generic vinegar (not the stuff you put in your salad! Just the rough stuff) and keep it in the laundry. husband uses the same vinegar in the rinse for the ham bag, to keep the ham fresh. Marg [/QUOTE]
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