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20 year old daughter thinks paying rent is absurd
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 682135" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have not read the other responses to risk repetition here. This is what I think: You as a parent are responsible to your adult child, not just to pay her bills and accommodate her future plans. Like a stepping stone. You are responsible both to yourselves and to her to continue setting rules and being a moral example as long as she lives under your roof, and afterwards to the extent that she accepts your help and counsel.</p><p></p><p>To allow her to use you without giving back or to show respect is both using you and disrespecting you. By participating in this, you risk fostering her disrespect for herself. After all, she is disrespecting her parents...by having the boy over and flaunting your curfew. And by doing so she disrespects herself.</p><p></p><p>I am a modern woman who grew up in the hippy era of free love. I had nobody who spoke up for my respecting myself as a woman and a person. I had to learn how to do so myself. That is why I would have cherished having parents such as you who care. </p><p></p><p>So I agree absolutely that she should pay. But in a way I do not. I believe she should not live you with or be supported in her school goals if she does not want to respect her parents, at least to meet them half way. You are not a motel. You are not an apartment. You are her parents. You are worthy and deserving the utmost of respect from her.</p><p></p><p>She cannot be allowed to disrespect you and your authority. It is not good for you or for her.</p><p></p><p>I understand that I must sound like I am from the 19th century. Trust me. I am not.</p><p></p><p>I understand that my attitude seems like it is throwing the baby with the bath water.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps there is a middle ground whereby you can negotiate with her to have both the respect you deserve and give her space. I do not know what that would be.</p><p></p><p>But believe me, asking for rent, is the least I would do. She is demonstrating an entitled attitude that must be curbed. That is what I think.</p><p></p><p>I wish I believed differently. I do not.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 682135, member: 18958"] I have not read the other responses to risk repetition here. This is what I think: You as a parent are responsible to your adult child, not just to pay her bills and accommodate her future plans. Like a stepping stone. You are responsible both to yourselves and to her to continue setting rules and being a moral example as long as she lives under your roof, and afterwards to the extent that she accepts your help and counsel. To allow her to use you without giving back or to show respect is both using you and disrespecting you. By participating in this, you risk fostering her disrespect for herself. After all, she is disrespecting her parents...by having the boy over and flaunting your curfew. And by doing so she disrespects herself. I am a modern woman who grew up in the hippy era of free love. I had nobody who spoke up for my respecting myself as a woman and a person. I had to learn how to do so myself. That is why I would have cherished having parents such as you who care. So I agree absolutely that she should pay. But in a way I do not. I believe she should not live you with or be supported in her school goals if she does not want to respect her parents, at least to meet them half way. You are not a motel. You are not an apartment. You are her parents. You are worthy and deserving the utmost of respect from her. She cannot be allowed to disrespect you and your authority. It is not good for you or for her. I understand that I must sound like I am from the 19th century. Trust me. I am not. I understand that my attitude seems like it is throwing the baby with the bath water. Perhaps there is a middle ground whereby you can negotiate with her to have both the respect you deserve and give her space. I do not know what that would be. But believe me, asking for rent, is the least I would do. She is demonstrating an entitled attitude that must be curbed. That is what I think. I wish I believed differently. I do not. COPA [/QUOTE]
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20 year old daughter thinks paying rent is absurd
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