2007 wrap up/ 2008 resolutions...hopes...dreams

[tiredmommy]

I thought it would be fun to do a look back and look forward post. :smile:
For us, our biggest change came way back in February when Duckie no longer had to follow her rotation diet. She began to feel more like a regular kid. Then, in October, the allergist said we may someday not even have an epipen for her. Even though she still needs to carry it for now, a great weight was lifted from my shoulders.
Duckie's done some wonderful things in her sixth year: won an essay contest, read at three different story times, won a trophy for cheer leading and had an honorable mention in a local coloring contest. Though she still has had more than her fair shares of struggles, I'd have to say 2007 has been a good year for her. I credit a lot of that to some maturity on her part, my husband being more supportive, having teachers and other adults in her life that get her, plus I've found some outside interests so that I'm not always there to catch her when she falls. So she learning to catch herself more often and how to take her lumps when that doesn't work out.
I hope that Duckie learns to have more faith in herself in 2008. She's a great girl if she just gives herself a chance. Plus I hope she'll let go of some of the drama queen attitude, it really doesn't serve her well. I also hope she gets a clearer sense of right, wrong and personal responsibility. I worry about her going along with the crowd. One thing that is great about her multi-age classroom is that she is starting to walk away from 1st grade peers when they all get in a tizzy. Instead, she hangs with the 2nd & 3rd grade girls. I hope to see more of that in 2008, because she tends to be easily sucked into drama. I also hope she learns to be more organized at school, even her teacher is acknowledging that it is a problem. She's not too horribly bad at home, but that's because I won't allow it to get out of hand. But her teacher has 20 other students to move along.
Anyway, there's my recap and hopes for Duckie.

 

[Wiped Out]

TM,
Sounds like it was a good year of progress for Duckie!

The past year has been a rough one for difficult child. He struggled in school last year having teachers who didn't know how to work with a child with his disabilities. He also has had many periods of violence which are very disheartening. His temper and bad language continue to be a big concern. Each day is such a challenge in those areas.

On the positive side of things the current school year is going better and for the first time in years he is making slow progress in reading. He started the year reading at a kindergarten level and is now reading at a mid first grade level.

Wrestling has been another positive for difficult child. It was his first year and it was something he truly enjoyed and could handle without major meltdowns and blow ups. He has proven to be a good sport (at least in the area of wrestling).

His sense of humor has also really continued to develop this year!

I would love to see some maturity in difficult child in the coming year. A major hope is for stability for difficult child. I hope he can learn to control his temper so that we can have a year without violence. Hopefully he will continue to make progress academically as he has many learning challenges.

Thanks for this thread TM. It was good to look back and see that there was some progress with difficult child as difficult as it was!

 

[tiredmommy]

Sharon, I'm glad difficult child is having a better school year and is doing so well with wrestling. Sometimes our kids just need some successes to start building upon in order to function better. I also hope our difficult children achieve stability in 2008.

 

[ML]

I have seen difficult child struggle with school but I'm really proud of him. He has a supportive teacher and kind people around him. Now if I can get him to do his homework and reading in 2008 I will be very happy. That and I would like to see some increased independence and responsibility. Thanks for starting this thread. Hugs to all of you xo Michele

 

[flutterbee]

2007 started off about as bad as it can get. difficult child was spiraling hard and fast and I was at a loss for what to do in an area I had never before ventured.

Since mid-March, there has been a lot of change and growth within difficult child. She has finally started to look inside herself for strength and resources rather than depending on me to always be there to pick things up, smooth the way and make things better. Which is something we discovered between late 2006 and early 2007 that just can't really be done. Only she can do the fixing, I can only guide. I see her using tools that I've been trying to give her for years and it makes my heart smile.

She is learning that it is not her against the world and that she does have an impact - good or bad - on those around her and her actions have consequences - again, good or bad.

I have learned to believe what I've always told her, that she has to do the work; I can only provide the resources. Something I thought I believed before, but we love our children with our entire beings and would do anything to take away their suffering. Not unlike you, TM, when I had my focus on something else (in your case activities, in mine my health) difficult child had to lean less on me and more on herself. She has it within her; I always knew that. But seeing her put it to use never ceases to make me proud.

For 2008, I would like to see her continue on this path. I would like to see her become less of a drama-queen :rolleyes: but she's a blossoming teenager, so I'll probably have to wait for that one. :smile: I would like to see her take more of an initiative instead of waiting for things to happen. She's made a lot of progress, but I would love to see her take charge of her life.

 

[tiredmommy]

Michelle- you truly can't underestimate the value of kind and understanding adults from outside the family on a difficult child. Especially if it validates what the parent has been saying all along while still offering support to the difficult child.
Heather- I made a conscious choice not to be a crutch for Duckie. It's akin to hobbling her for life. Far better that she learn to navigate her way through the world than to depend on me indefinitely. Because someday I'm not going to be here...

 

[tiredmommy]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nomatic</div><div class="ubbcode-body">This year, our difficult child moved to an apartment, learned the bus system and uses it with ease and recently applied for vocational rehabilitation training and other services on her own. </div></div>
Nomatic, that's really great progress! You must be proud when you look back to where she was in 2006.

 

[Kjs]

I have a goal to get a second job to pay off my IRS. I have a hope we don't owe again this year!!

And I hope difficult child will get into the high school of his choice and I pray he will love it.

Hope my whole family can work out together at the gym. difficult child is now old enough to get into the weight room.
husband has bad knees, I have bad elbows..between the two we can take advantage of most machines. And me..swim.

I hope easy child finds his way. Seems lost and in limbo.

I look forward to a better year.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

2007 was a pretty good year for difficult child. He finished off 5th grade with fabulous grades, a presidential award, and a member of the SCA. There was fear about middle school but he seemed to make the transition pretty smoothly.

However, just over the last week of holiday vacation, I have been doing a lot of thinking. I've noticed that difficult child seems to be getting a little more frusrated at school. It's kinda two-fold. Many of his issues have been with some other kids. He is not used to kids that bully, threaten, use bad language, etc. His elementary school was a pretty tight ship and nothing of that nature was tolerated.

His middle school is extremely diverse and includes kids from the neighborhood, kids from 2 government subsidized housing projects, and kids (like difficult child) who apply to come there out of zone. There is a little rougher edge to his classes especially since he was not placed in honors because of his IEP (collaborative needs).

He does not know how to "let go" and "let slide". He also has this warped scense of entitlement. When I think back, I think about what a dark place he was in four years ago. I began treating him like he was surrounded by glass or egg shells.....letting certain things slide because I didn't want him to rage, or get depressed....there was so much of that in school.

Now I look at him and think I've done him a disservice by not holding him to the same standard as his sister. I mean I don't think he's a bad kid at all. He just doesn't know how to deal with the frustrations that come up in life sometimes and tends to feel that because he's "different" he is able to act differntly than others. Over the last three years of school, he knew he could go down to the nurse or the principal's office when he was feeling frustrated which also kinda gave him a pass to avoid something the didn't want to do. The idea was great, but in application it was a crutch.

So, my goal for 2008 is to really work with him on some standard life skills. I am going to speak to his therapist at his appointment in January about "life skills" and such and see what she recommends. I would love to think that difficult child can "loose" the support of his 1:1 before he finshes middle school.

For easy child and myself, it's a WW year. We started working out together this summer and it was wonderful. By the time October rolled around we had stopped going. I really want to give her the example of healthy living and know that I had real success with WW in the past and need to do something about myself, but also be a positive role model for my daughter. She is excited about it - we will join next Tuesday a week and she is already thinking about bathing suits!!!!

Thanks for starting this thread TM. I have wanted to vocalize my thoughts out loud about difficult child and you gave me the perfect place.

Happy Holidays.

Sharon

 

[busywend]

TM, I try not to even think about it until I finish these last 2 classes. I can probably write a book with all the things I would like to accomplish. I will summarize though so I can come back and look in a few months.

First, I know I need to figure out the future for me and boyfriend. We are in love, but I am not sure of the committment level. Hard stuff to address. I have my own fears and I am sure he has his as well. Me - 39, him - 47 = neither ever married. Something is wrong with this picture! Well, not wrong, just not the norm I guess. Neither of us are the type to 'do what everyone else is doing' so I am sure we will figure out what is best for us.

I have my new job, so that is already accomplished, which would have been first on the list after the schooling is completed.

I have to get out of debt. Credit cards when you are a single mom are like buying gas - necessary. I probably live above my means though so I do need to make changes.
Perhaps a 2nd job, something not stressful though.

I will also be going back to my dearly missed volunteer position with the youth sports organization where I was/am Cheer Director. They never really removed me from the board hoping I would come back - isn't that sweet?!? I do intend to make it clear just how much time I will spend onsite though. The parents will have to pitch in more this year. Afterall, I may have 2 jobs :wink: :smirk:

difficult child - well there is always work to be done. I, like LDM, feel as if I have done a bit of a disservice to difficult child. However, I still wobble back and forth because I know it was necessary to get through these tough years. It is just hard to get back to the task - a bit of PTSD for me I suppose. She needs to get her grades up, get a job, get her license and start being independent. SATs are coming and she just found out she is in the 25% from her PSAT - not good!
She still wears dirty clothes and does not shower regularly. I do discuss it more lately with her, much different conversation than a year ago though. I think it is me that has changed. Now, I just casually mention it and walk away. She does what she feels she needs to do. She is keeping up with chores - she has to in order to keep her cell phone. It is the ONLY thing that has worked. It is in the form of an allowance, but it is the bill that gets paid. Money itself never worked for her.

I need to get back to my 'healthy style of living'. I have quit smoking (over a year now) and kept off all but 7 pounds of the 30 I lost. I think that is pretty good considering I quit smoking after I lost the weight. I heard rumor that the bldg my new job is in has a work out room - for free! I will be investigating that for sure once I get there. I need to start taking my calcium and vitamins again, too.

I know, I did not reflect to much on 2007 - but I guess I am only looking forward to what I can change! Good things happened in 2007. Onward and upward!

Sorry for the book!


P.S. - I just went back and read that I was summarizing! LOL! What a joke!

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Good topic, TM, and some very interesting replies. Glad to see the progress by several difficult children.

I noticed the juxtaposition of two signature quotes (TM and Wynter): "Courage does not always roar..." and "Madness does not always howl..." Interesting. The warrior parents here are quite a few examples of quiet, unsung courage on a daily basis, dealing with the mostly unseen (by others) issues with difficult children.

2007 for our difficult child was a year that went from the worst to the best. It is almost impossible to realize how far gone difficult child was at this time last year, out on the streets with a criminal and abusive boyfriend, stealing for food and drugs. Now she is the healthiest she's been in years, working, drug-free, and not involved in any toxic relationships.

In 2008, it is our hope that she will continue to learn independent living skills, money and time management, and eventually get her own place.

Good luck to everyone in 2008. You deserve it.

 

[Star*]

I would like to think that difficult child's in the future would be less and less in quantity because parents like us put forth a tireless effort to maintain quality of life, skills and no-nonsense parenting. IN days gone by I would have had the ups and downs to print here about Dude. This year I have very little bragging rights.

January ushered in A broken jaw for Dude at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) followed by 12 weeks of recovery and blended meals, tantrums and anticipation of going back to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) where he had a girlfriend.

Mid March the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) still wouldn't admit to any wrong doing in the way the broken jaw and the case is under advisement by a lawyer. We pay to get the braces off, his jaw healed, his temperment out of control.

April - The school still won't take him into classes, so I threaten to sue and I get a call that day they'll take him. He goes into self contained and does straight A work, but is not compliant with anyone other than his teacher.

May - He's so out of control at this point, disobeying curfew, not doing any chores at all we call to have him placed out of the home. They say they are working on it - Dude runs away. We call police. He comes home, we call police he runs away again. He comes back with the help of police - and hates us forever.

June - He gets involved with Thugs and is the patsy for a lookout on 3 home robberies. The cops come to the house - we look for and find "loot", Dude tries to commit suicide and ends up in psychiatric hospital. The other 2 boys are already on probation for theft. Dude is the only one incarcerated,spends 95 days in Juvenille jail, goes to court, is remanded over to us. He is now a felon. I hear he will do life in jail for b&E at night and have a stroke. Spend 2 days in hospital.

July - He comes home from court; isn't there 2 hours and starts his outrageous behaviors again. We have holes in the wall, carpet stained from spray painting a bike in his room, bug spray on the ceiling, busted windows, busted closets - the dogs are a wreck, the music is so loud your teeth rattle, DF and I both beg the caseworker to get him OUT NOW. They don't for another 2 months. I suffer a mini stroke, and back in the hospital with ulcers. DF barely hanging on and is thinking he may take a vacation.

August - School starts for everyone else - but not for Dude. We're to take him to Alternative - and he gets there and decides it is NOT for him - walks out. DF goes and gets him takes him back, war of the worlds - Dude comes home and informs us we are scum. Breaks into DF's garage, my room, steals things from us, continues to terrorize the house.

September - THEY HAVE a placement, but it's 3 hours away. We can't take or send him anything. They say he will learn skills for Independent living. They dont' do that - he is breaking into the man who owns the Group homes garages, and stealing tools. Has a near fatal accident when he accepts a ride from a drunk man, flips end over end in truck 3 times, rolls down mountain, and is ejected into Kudzu for ? hours. Goes back to group home and calls me - Group home denies it. Not take to ER

October - Dude is still not complying with rules, and is told he will be ejected out of group home for his behaviors and stealing. Is hit by a car while riding a bike - trip to the ER. I get a call three days later from staff. But they are going to keep him.

November - Probation officer says NO DEAL on Thanksgiving. Dude can't get himself under control, but is telling me he's going to school, gets job and quits it 9 days later, isnt' getting out of bed, isn't going to school, barely doing community service still owes probation $6k.

December - Probation officer tells caseworker he may be going to a work camp. That he can't come home for Christmas either. Group home makes arrangements to move him out of their care. Caseworker makes me sign 52 pages of crud in 15 minutes to transfer Dude to psychiatric. hospital 2 days before Christmas. I do with reservations, Talk to Dude about it - he freaks out, threatens once again to kill himself, run away, and then tells me he's been in contract with his bio father's family (remember bio father? US? In hiding 11 years, no numbers? No visits, Major house alarm, CWP & shooting lessons) in an in my face style - and to have myself a Merry little F'ng Christmas. I hang up crying.
I leave work, have a very serious conversation with God about why my kid is like he is - get home, phone rings Group home will keep him. He's happy, Apologizes somewhat for the F Christmas comment - and the killing himself - I'm too tired and crying to talk - I tell him I'm sick he says I'll call you Christmas Eve, he doesn't - he calls Christmas Day - tells me he's used my present (a used computer) to fix his that got broken BUT he found a toy in a parking lot I'm gonna love. Says he knows I wasn't allowed to give or send him presents (part of Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) rules). Then says talk to me later - and that's been it.

So yeah - 2007, {I'll censor this myself} eggs.

And I can't except for the nice gesture of the toy in the parking lot find much nice to say except for the first time in never - I got 4 certificates 4x3 from his Special Education teacher saying he was a good/gifted kid. I have them framed. They make me cry.

So don't even have to hope with a year like this that 2008 is better - lol

Thanks for asking - Star

 

[everywoman]

Decmeber 06---sent across country to rehab---catches a bus home two days and $5000.00 later--swears he's changes
January---difficult child is in treatment up near Star! (Glad those two difficult children never met---or the world would be doomed!)
February---wrecks his truck while in rehab (you all warned me about letting him take it)
March---kicked out and comes home---two weeks later---in jail
April---father in law dies, difficult child gets out
May--arrested in another county of MIP
June---nothing----oh he did get his hs diploma
July---nothing
August---starts local tech college
Sept---all's quiet
October---ditto
November---gets job...still going to school
December---finishes fist semester with 3.0--quit job (today)

A year in the life of a difficult child---a roller coaster---
Will someone stop the ride!

 

[tiredmommy]

Kjs- It's great to hear such a hopeful post from you. Those goals are attainable!
Sharon- The good thing is that difficult child is a good kid with a good head on his shoulders. I'm sure he'll get with the new program (minus crutches) pretty quick.
Wendy- I think you are doing a great job of making difficult child more responsible for herself. Fingers crossed that she pulls the grades up.
HWGA- I too hope your difficult child continues to grow and live better. You deserve that.
Star- I truly hope that 2007 is as bad as it gets for you, DF & Dude.

 

[tiredmommy]

Kat- I hope things get calm and stay calm for a long while for your family.

 

[Hound dog]

Well, 2007 was an interesting year for us.

Nichole graduated high school, something I'd held my breath on since her freshman year. (although she never knew it) She has done well in stepping into the role as parent to Aubrey. (again exceeding my expectations) I can accept that she's not perfect at it when I know she tries so hard to do well by the baby.

The Big Shocker was when Nichole anounced her intention to go to college. I didn't see it coming. Nichole has always struggled in school due to the dyslexia. She always said she'd never go to college, was too dumb for college, ect.

We had a minor set back when she was put on acedemic probation for failing a course due to not completing the requirments. But she took the iniative and has taken steps to correct the situation, finish the course work, and have herself removed from probation. Again another shocker.

Since the winter break started she's been working on getting daycare arranged for the baby. I'll be returning to school this quarter, too, which prevents me from watching her. Today she finalized the arrangements with the daycare, as well as filled out applications for child care aide. (pays for the daycare while she's in school)

It's amazing to watch my once anxiety ridden child do such grown p independent things on her own. :smile:

Travis learned via natural consequences that up and quitting a job is a BAD idea. Took him forever to get another job, and he likes this one even less than the last one. lol He hates his job in maintenance, but has realized he has to find another job before leaving this one.

As for me, I became a phlebotomist. I ended the year with a 3.666 average. I'm proud of the acomplishment, even if I can't find a job in it around here. lol

Hopes for 2008.....

Nichole completes enough of the paramedic courses to hopefully MOVE OUT. :rofl: And gets her driver's license.

Travis finds another job or gets a different one at kroger they pays better and he can try moving out and see how it goes.

Can you tell I'm more than ready to be an empty nester??? :rofl:

For husband I hope to heaven he lands the job as lab manager, so he makes a living wage. (seems to be working hard towards it)

For me, I hope to manage to past chemistry, ace the RN exam, and be in the RN program come the spring or fall quarter. Keeping my fingers crossed as chemistry has never been my forte. lol

 

[hearts and roses]

2007 has had many ups and downs. It was an intense struggle for difficult child in school *but* she actually and finally did graduate HS - that was a HUGE relief and weight lifted off of both difficult child's and my shoulders. I cannot not find words to describe how wonderful it is NOT to have to talk with teachers, come up with game plans, explain her behavior, blah blah blah.

Immediately following the graduation relief, difficult child became suicidal and that was very scary. I felt so helpless to help her. Slowly, she thought about death less and less. She floundered throughout the summer, fell in with a bad crowd and eventually things came to a head, which landed her out of our home and into her dad's. That lasted a mere 5 weeks and she came home with a promise to behave. So far she's been okay, except that she lost her job and from what I can see has not been as diligent about getting a new one.

Initially, we didn't like Monkeyboy and still, H and I think he is a bit of a drip - he's jobless, doesn't seem to have any goals, likes to party too much. on the other hand, difficult child is smitten and he does seem to be very kind to her. I really don't know - I have mixed emotions.

difficult child still struggles to care for herself, eat right and take her medications without reminders. At 18 and a HS graduate, I expect better, but she is a difficult child and as such she's just not there yet. I can accept that and continue to point her in the right direction, but in the back of my mind I know that we're racing against the clock. I think she will be off and on her own out there without many clues long before she's truly ready and that's a hard pill for me to swallow, but I've been gearing up my warrior mommy heart. With the support of you all, I think it will be okay. I know that difficult child has to learn things the hard way, I'm just hoping that she chooses not to.

easy child had an extraordinary year between finishing up her freshman year and her externship far from home. She's done very well and she's made some very healthy choices in regards to her personal life and her future goals. I'm very proud of her and I think the coming year will be a big one for her. She will graduate with an associates in baking and pastry arts from CIA, "the best culinary school in the world" hahah, and then she wants to move down the Carolinas to work and gain some experience. She is thinking that she may take some business courses while there. I will miss having her closeby, but I'm also excited for her.

My hope for this coming year is that my daughters get to a place where they are less adversarial and learn to accept one another better and learn to be more tolerant of one another, love each other and rely on one another. I know that's a lot to ask for, but I think in time it may happen. I'm hopeful anyway.

I also hope that H continues in his sobriety. He's been looking on line about topics on alcoholism and I think that's a good sign. Since he's never done any type of program, he still hasn't truly worked on any of his issues surrounding his alcoholism, but it's not my place to tell him to do so. I am okay with that. He's actually doing okay, but I'd like him to go get a physical.

I am hopeful that difficult child will mature a little more, take more responsibility for her care and well-being. I'd like to see her get a job that can develop into a full time position with health benefits. If she's not in school by next fall, she will be removed from my insurance plan in October, which is not a good thing. She's smart enough and clever enough and capable, so I'm hoping she realizes that and goes with it.

I am hopeful that I will get in shape this year. I eat healthy, but I haven't been exercising at all in months and it's showing in many ways. I get winded easily and my body is getting wobbly. I am going to make a concerted effort to take yoga as a means of finding time to meditate as well as become more fit. I am also going to kick start being better organized. With all the difficult child stuff these past few years, I've really lost control of my household organization and I need to get that back. I think that much of my financial issues are very much related to my lack of organization. I haven't had a true budget in years.

The very best to all of us in 2008!

 

[VLong]

2007 has been an up and down year...

The downs:

At the top of the list, neighbors' son being struck by hit and run driver in our front yard and passing away the next morning (Sept 23) (yes, the jacka** was caught and Jan 3 is preliminary trial).

Next, one of my sales reps in OK commits suicide in November.

It's taken me this long to start to get the images of Travis out of my head and I still cry like a baby at certain songs. Menopause doesn't help at all!

The ups:

Well, at the top of this list is the impending birth of my first grandchild, Kyla Lee and the amazing transformation that my oldest son has gone through in the last 9 months. I am very proud of him and his girlfriend. They are renting her aunt's basement which is pretty much a studio apt. and they both are working full time. Well, she's off for another 10 weeks for maternity leave. I am just so proud of them. Only time will tell how things go between them, but for now they are happy and doing all of the right things for their daughter.

Alex is passing all of his classes except for Art. Letting him move down to his dad's was the best decision I think I've made concerning him. He has a girlfriend and is growing up. Hard for me since he is my baby, but it is good to see. He seems to have the ADD under control and knows how he needs to study to get passing grades.

And last, but not least, I have now been a non-smoker for 3 months on Jan 3rd!!!! The Chantix was a wonder drug for me. I know it's not for everyone, but it made quitting smoking manageable and I have been off of it since Thanksgiving. I still want to smoke, but I have no cravings for a cigarette. husband told me that even after 5 years of not smoking he still wants a cigarette every now and then! So, I am very proud of myself. I haven't not smoked since I was pregnant with Alex. I didn't smoke when I was pregnant with either of the boys. I pretty much quit for my granddaughter, to be around to watch her grow up, so I had a darn good reason to quit. Plus, I feel so much better now.

What I want for 2008:

Alex to keep on the path of passing his classes.

Justin and girlfriend to be wonderful parents to Kyla.

To spoil my granddaughter rotten!

To refinance our house.

To lose a lot of weight, but slowly so that it stays off!

To go to the gym 5 days a week.


Happy New Year to all of you!