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General Parenting
21 year old son won't move out
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 467704" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi Oldmama,</p><p>what a sad story.</p><p>Who paid for his computer? His tuition? Surely he cannot afford that on his own.</p><p>(Yes, I know you did ... it's called "enabling.")</p><p>Despite your regrets, you do have a future. Give him very short notice that you are turning off the Internet if he does not get a FT job and show you his paychecks. Start by turning off the Internet for half of the day. That means you have to have a key to the room where the main DSL or wireless is stored. Or you have to move it.</p><p>Find a class that teaches living skills. Make him sign up for it. It can be run by the city or by a hospital or any number of places. He needs to learn to do the dishes, laundry, make meals, etc. He may be shutting down because he has anxiety issues.</p><p>Is he on any medications? Who pays his insurance? (I assume you do.)</p><p>It seems like ADHD is only the tip of the iceberg. What was he like as a baby? Toddler? What sort of trouble was he in in school?</p><p></p><p>I would also suggest that you go to a support group, either for caregivers, or AlAnon, or both. You need to learn to grow a thick skin (rhino skin is what we call it here) and to detach. NO. MORE. GUILT.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 467704, member: 3419"] Hi Oldmama, what a sad story. Who paid for his computer? His tuition? Surely he cannot afford that on his own. (Yes, I know you did ... it's called "enabling.") Despite your regrets, you do have a future. Give him very short notice that you are turning off the Internet if he does not get a FT job and show you his paychecks. Start by turning off the Internet for half of the day. That means you have to have a key to the room where the main DSL or wireless is stored. Or you have to move it. Find a class that teaches living skills. Make him sign up for it. It can be run by the city or by a hospital or any number of places. He needs to learn to do the dishes, laundry, make meals, etc. He may be shutting down because he has anxiety issues. Is he on any medications? Who pays his insurance? (I assume you do.) It seems like ADHD is only the tip of the iceberg. What was he like as a baby? Toddler? What sort of trouble was he in in school? I would also suggest that you go to a support group, either for caregivers, or AlAnon, or both. You need to learn to grow a thick skin (rhino skin is what we call it here) and to detach. NO. MORE. GUILT. [/QUOTE]
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21 year old son won't move out
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