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21 year old son won't move out
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<blockquote data-quote="milestogobeforeisleep" data-source="post: 483724" data-attributes="member: 13273"><p>Hey there, I realise this post is a month old now but was just wondering how's the situation going? Read your posts and was just wondering how much awareness/knowledge does your son have about his (borderline) ADHD? Has he read books, looked into online resources about ADHD? I say this not to excuse adult ADHD-ers, but in the ADHD world there's what we call the "30% rule"- those with ADHD do tend to be 30% 'slower' in their development- emotionally or functionally. You probably already know this, but it's the 'executive functions' that are impaired in ADHD, and that affects many aspects of life, if not all- including daily living, regardless of whether your IQ is 100 or 150. Those with ADHD need a lot of structure, discipline and support (though they need to *care* first and realise they have a problem), sometimes throughout life. They need to be explicitly taught routines that they can stick to.</p><p>Have you successfully gotten your son to move out yet? If not, I was wondering if he could apply for student accomodation instead and give you the peace and quiet you've been wanting so badly (although I understand it's probably mid-semester and it might be hard applying). Student accomodation is living away from home, yet with support structures that will hopefully help him gradually step into a fully functioning independent living situation. If he's in college, he has the additional privilege of having campus counselling, if he's willing to go to a counselling session. </p><p></p><p>Your son does sound way better than I was at 21, being able to hold down a part time job while studying. When I was that age, I was so overwhelmed by schoolwork that I could barely function, or leave the house, let alone hold down a part time job. In my case though, I was the one who took the initiative to look into resources, counselling, therapy that would help me help myself. I'm a few years older now and in a much better place emotionally, and in terms of my perspective on life and what really matters during our short time on this earth. I'm much more others-centered, less in my own little bubble-- but I still struggle very hard to be 'functional'; I'm lucky in that I live in a society where multi-generational living throughout adulthood is the norm, rather than the exception... I'm not 'there' yet, but who ever is? The important thing is we try, and keep trying. I truly hope that your son will one day find that 'place'. Sometimes it just takes longer for it to 'click' in what you guys call difficult children, but one day I think he will truly thank you for all you did for him as a mother. Hope it all works out for you and you finally get some peace and quiet!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="milestogobeforeisleep, post: 483724, member: 13273"] Hey there, I realise this post is a month old now but was just wondering how's the situation going? Read your posts and was just wondering how much awareness/knowledge does your son have about his (borderline) ADHD? Has he read books, looked into online resources about ADHD? I say this not to excuse adult ADHD-ers, but in the ADHD world there's what we call the "30% rule"- those with ADHD do tend to be 30% 'slower' in their development- emotionally or functionally. You probably already know this, but it's the 'executive functions' that are impaired in ADHD, and that affects many aspects of life, if not all- including daily living, regardless of whether your IQ is 100 or 150. Those with ADHD need a lot of structure, discipline and support (though they need to *care* first and realise they have a problem), sometimes throughout life. They need to be explicitly taught routines that they can stick to. Have you successfully gotten your son to move out yet? If not, I was wondering if he could apply for student accomodation instead and give you the peace and quiet you've been wanting so badly (although I understand it's probably mid-semester and it might be hard applying). Student accomodation is living away from home, yet with support structures that will hopefully help him gradually step into a fully functioning independent living situation. If he's in college, he has the additional privilege of having campus counselling, if he's willing to go to a counselling session. Your son does sound way better than I was at 21, being able to hold down a part time job while studying. When I was that age, I was so overwhelmed by schoolwork that I could barely function, or leave the house, let alone hold down a part time job. In my case though, I was the one who took the initiative to look into resources, counselling, therapy that would help me help myself. I'm a few years older now and in a much better place emotionally, and in terms of my perspective on life and what really matters during our short time on this earth. I'm much more others-centered, less in my own little bubble-- but I still struggle very hard to be 'functional'; I'm lucky in that I live in a society where multi-generational living throughout adulthood is the norm, rather than the exception... I'm not 'there' yet, but who ever is? The important thing is we try, and keep trying. I truly hope that your son will one day find that 'place'. Sometimes it just takes longer for it to 'click' in what you guys call difficult children, but one day I think he will truly thank you for all you did for him as a mother. Hope it all works out for you and you finally get some peace and quiet! [/QUOTE]
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