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Failure to Thrive
22 year old son with ADHD, depression in debt! Wants me to pay off his loans!
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<blockquote data-quote="LostSoul1" data-source="post: 730546" data-attributes="member: 19755"><p>My son has a long history of depressive behavior. He has been in and out of living with me but had to leave finally after trying 4 times to live with me over a period of several years....you can read up on my background.</p><p></p><p>He moved out finally...and i mean for the final time. He is on Disability for his mental illness. Rents a small studio apartment. I always thought he would have done better in a group home, but he refused as well as my suggestion to go on a waitlist for a group home if living alone didn't work. I'm basically his social worker, visit him every 2 weeks, help with laundry, groceries. He has a close friend who seems like a great person and a positive influence.</p><p></p><p>He's been doing ok, taking his medications everyday. He refuses to do anything except pay pokemon all day with his friend. In a way i am glad he isn't just isolating himself and it has helped him socially. However, he tends to spend all his money...and then comes to me for more money to loan him.</p><p></p><p>So this morning i am awakened by a 6am phonecall...which i dread always wonding what is going on. He told me he needs to pay off a 'pay day' loan...you know from those cash places who charge interest rates on the loaned money. I had already paid off a $700 loan less than a month ago. Now he tells me he has a $1100 loan that he 'forgot' about. It is 2 months overdue. I told him he needs to find a job! quickly. He says he knows but don't think anyone would hire him. He has worked before...strong, tall...he has gained weight but if he worked i'm sure he would lose the weight. I told him i would think about it....but the way he spoke it sounded like he was thinking about starting to look for work. Also he promised me he would go to the walk in clinic to get his medications refilled.</p><p></p><p>So he called me later in the day asking if i could go by tomorrow with him to pay the loan. I asked him if he went to the clinic as he promised...nope he said, he was 'too busy'. Then he tells me he has 'another' loan that he forgot about of $600!!!! I lost it and told him first thing, he needs to get his medications refilled and then go to the employment office that helps people with special needs find work. He was pleading with me to help him. I said i can't...over $2000! I pay for his cell phone, wifi, and buy him basic groceries of $200 a month! </p><p></p><p>I can't pay off his loan....i am really afraid for him, he said he has nothing to live for.....he tried every trick to make me give in. I am convinced he will milk me dry! He literally has social supports down the street, but refuses to get a social worker. Now he is threatening to give notice he is moving out and will be on the street as he needs to pay the loan off....i said this is your problem! These are the consequences and if this doesn't motivate you to find work....nothing will!</p><p></p><p>I am trying to be strong, but can't help feel guilty....what should i do??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LostSoul1, post: 730546, member: 19755"] My son has a long history of depressive behavior. He has been in and out of living with me but had to leave finally after trying 4 times to live with me over a period of several years....you can read up on my background. He moved out finally...and i mean for the final time. He is on Disability for his mental illness. Rents a small studio apartment. I always thought he would have done better in a group home, but he refused as well as my suggestion to go on a waitlist for a group home if living alone didn't work. I'm basically his social worker, visit him every 2 weeks, help with laundry, groceries. He has a close friend who seems like a great person and a positive influence. He's been doing ok, taking his medications everyday. He refuses to do anything except pay pokemon all day with his friend. In a way i am glad he isn't just isolating himself and it has helped him socially. However, he tends to spend all his money...and then comes to me for more money to loan him. So this morning i am awakened by a 6am phonecall...which i dread always wonding what is going on. He told me he needs to pay off a 'pay day' loan...you know from those cash places who charge interest rates on the loaned money. I had already paid off a $700 loan less than a month ago. Now he tells me he has a $1100 loan that he 'forgot' about. It is 2 months overdue. I told him he needs to find a job! quickly. He says he knows but don't think anyone would hire him. He has worked before...strong, tall...he has gained weight but if he worked i'm sure he would lose the weight. I told him i would think about it....but the way he spoke it sounded like he was thinking about starting to look for work. Also he promised me he would go to the walk in clinic to get his medications refilled. So he called me later in the day asking if i could go by tomorrow with him to pay the loan. I asked him if he went to the clinic as he promised...nope he said, he was 'too busy'. Then he tells me he has 'another' loan that he forgot about of $600!!!! I lost it and told him first thing, he needs to get his medications refilled and then go to the employment office that helps people with special needs find work. He was pleading with me to help him. I said i can't...over $2000! I pay for his cell phone, wifi, and buy him basic groceries of $200 a month! I can't pay off his loan....i am really afraid for him, he said he has nothing to live for.....he tried every trick to make me give in. I am convinced he will milk me dry! He literally has social supports down the street, but refuses to get a social worker. Now he is threatening to give notice he is moving out and will be on the street as he needs to pay the loan off....i said this is your problem! These are the consequences and if this doesn't motivate you to find work....nothing will! I am trying to be strong, but can't help feel guilty....what should i do?? [/QUOTE]
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22 year old son with ADHD, depression in debt! Wants me to pay off his loans!
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