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Failure to Thrive
22 year old son with ADHD, depression in debt! Wants me to pay off his loans!
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<blockquote data-quote="LostSoul1" data-source="post: 730577" data-attributes="member: 19755"><p>Hi Everyone...you are all so wise and knowledgeable. </p><p></p><p>I live in Canada and he is receiving a disability benefit called ODSP - Ontario Disabiltiy Support Plan. You are correct - it seems as long as you have a bank account you can qualify for a loan. To my knowledge, he doesn't do drugs, or drink except socially the odd time if he goes out. His friend is 10 years older than he is - honestly, he seems like a wonderful person, he himself says he is against drugs, alcohol. I have never heard a curse word out of his mouth.</p><p></p><p>In fact, i have to say, since he met his friend J he seems gentler, happier in his demeanor, and not as angry as he once was. </p><p></p><p>HOWEVER, as i mentioned, he kept trying to convince me to pay his loan. i stood firm and kept repeating 1) needs to get his medications first from walk-in clinic as he is out of them. 2) Go to employment centre to connect to find a job - he has gone thru this course they offer 2x - he claims he still isn't ready to work.</p><p></p><p>To which i said to him - if this doesn't motivate you to find a job - nothing will. if in fact these pay day places can't garnish his wages - hard to say, but they have his bank account information. He has mentioned he had signed an agreement that allowed them to withdraw the amount due at the end of the month automatically from his account. I'm not clear what the law is in this regard here in Canada. I wouldn't share this with him as he would then then he doesn't have to pay it back. Perhaps this could serve as leverage to get him to find a job.</p><p></p><p>In terms of what he spends it on?? He eats alot of fast food - he is addicted to food. My concern also is his friend is quite overweight - more so than my son. My son spends alot of time at J's place who lives with his dad. His dad apparently cooks meals for them, so not sure if he gives money to them to contribute. I have cooked lasagna's for them and sheppard's pies and chipped in for groceries from time to time. </p><p></p><p>This morning, i found a text - he had wished me 'good nite mom' . I went to work and then around 10:30am there was another text:</p><p></p><p>"Go burn in a ditch you c***, don't you ever come to my f***ing place again".</p><p></p><p>2:15pm - 'Mom i tried going to the clinic but there is a 2 hour wait. Can you loan me some of your medications? (we take the same antidepressant)...to which i replied - no, i am low myself and need to get it refilled. No reply. I then added, you need to get your medications - not good to be off them this long.</p><p></p><p>Haven't heard since from him. No mention about the money he owes....i'm going to sit back and see what he does......as you have said, i have to distance myself and let him take the lead. If he wants me to go with him to Dr. appts...fine, but no more money to him. If i buy groceries, i won't give him the money for it.</p><p></p><p>This is about all i know right now. We were supposed to go to the family doctor next week as his psychiatrist has left for another province and he felt my son was stable on his medications and didn't need to continue with the pscych and any refills he could get from the family doctor.</p><p></p><p>I'm just trying to chill - concerned he may get worse off his medications....hopefully have a relaxing evening....at least i'll try. Thanks again for your kind words of support....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LostSoul1, post: 730577, member: 19755"] Hi Everyone...you are all so wise and knowledgeable. I live in Canada and he is receiving a disability benefit called ODSP - Ontario Disabiltiy Support Plan. You are correct - it seems as long as you have a bank account you can qualify for a loan. To my knowledge, he doesn't do drugs, or drink except socially the odd time if he goes out. His friend is 10 years older than he is - honestly, he seems like a wonderful person, he himself says he is against drugs, alcohol. I have never heard a curse word out of his mouth. In fact, i have to say, since he met his friend J he seems gentler, happier in his demeanor, and not as angry as he once was. HOWEVER, as i mentioned, he kept trying to convince me to pay his loan. i stood firm and kept repeating 1) needs to get his medications first from walk-in clinic as he is out of them. 2) Go to employment centre to connect to find a job - he has gone thru this course they offer 2x - he claims he still isn't ready to work. To which i said to him - if this doesn't motivate you to find a job - nothing will. if in fact these pay day places can't garnish his wages - hard to say, but they have his bank account information. He has mentioned he had signed an agreement that allowed them to withdraw the amount due at the end of the month automatically from his account. I'm not clear what the law is in this regard here in Canada. I wouldn't share this with him as he would then then he doesn't have to pay it back. Perhaps this could serve as leverage to get him to find a job. In terms of what he spends it on?? He eats alot of fast food - he is addicted to food. My concern also is his friend is quite overweight - more so than my son. My son spends alot of time at J's place who lives with his dad. His dad apparently cooks meals for them, so not sure if he gives money to them to contribute. I have cooked lasagna's for them and sheppard's pies and chipped in for groceries from time to time. This morning, i found a text - he had wished me 'good nite mom' . I went to work and then around 10:30am there was another text: "Go burn in a ditch you c***, don't you ever come to my f***ing place again". 2:15pm - 'Mom i tried going to the clinic but there is a 2 hour wait. Can you loan me some of your medications? (we take the same antidepressant)...to which i replied - no, i am low myself and need to get it refilled. No reply. I then added, you need to get your medications - not good to be off them this long. Haven't heard since from him. No mention about the money he owes....i'm going to sit back and see what he does......as you have said, i have to distance myself and let him take the lead. If he wants me to go with him to Dr. appts...fine, but no more money to him. If i buy groceries, i won't give him the money for it. This is about all i know right now. We were supposed to go to the family doctor next week as his psychiatrist has left for another province and he felt my son was stable on his medications and didn't need to continue with the pscych and any refills he could get from the family doctor. I'm just trying to chill - concerned he may get worse off his medications....hopefully have a relaxing evening....at least i'll try. Thanks again for your kind words of support.... [/QUOTE]
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22 year old son with ADHD, depression in debt! Wants me to pay off his loans!
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