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Parent Emeritus
22 year old son with bipolar still living at home makes us miserable, what to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 603384" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Mr. Mike, you are in the same process most of us here are in as well. It is very difficult but you and your wife are absolutely on the appropriate course of action. I think you are doing a very good job of thinking this through with a therapist and coming up with suitable options which you can live with. Boundaries are an essential part of the process for all of us. And, one thing my therapist always said to us parents about detachment is this: "you get there when you get there." You needn't add guilt or judgment to the mix, it's hard enough on us, we do the best we can and <em>it takes as long a it takes.</em> And, remember also that this is not a linear process, it doesn't follow a 'usual' nor straight line. Since so much emotion and letting go is involved, we as parents go up and down and sideways trying to navigate a path none of us want to be on. It's in many ways against our parental instincts to protect and nurture and support. But, with help and time, you can learn to let go, incrementally, as it feels right to YOU. We all go through this differently, but in the end, the final experience is acceptance. Not of their behavior, but of exactly what it is <strong>we</strong> can and cannot do to help them. Accepting what we cannot change. The Serenity prayer so common in the 12 steps really works in this world too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 603384, member: 13542"] Mr. Mike, you are in the same process most of us here are in as well. It is very difficult but you and your wife are absolutely on the appropriate course of action. I think you are doing a very good job of thinking this through with a therapist and coming up with suitable options which you can live with. Boundaries are an essential part of the process for all of us. And, one thing my therapist always said to us parents about detachment is this: "you get there when you get there." You needn't add guilt or judgment to the mix, it's hard enough on us, we do the best we can and [I]it takes as long a it takes.[/I] And, remember also that this is not a linear process, it doesn't follow a 'usual' nor straight line. Since so much emotion and letting go is involved, we as parents go up and down and sideways trying to navigate a path none of us want to be on. It's in many ways against our parental instincts to protect and nurture and support. But, with help and time, you can learn to let go, incrementally, as it feels right to YOU. We all go through this differently, but in the end, the final experience is acceptance. Not of their behavior, but of exactly what it is [B]we[/B] can and cannot do to help them. Accepting what we cannot change. The Serenity prayer so common in the 12 steps really works in this world too. [/QUOTE]
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22 year old son with bipolar still living at home makes us miserable, what to do?
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