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Parent Emeritus
3 months in....and drama?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 640015" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This was great advice. I give good advice, too. And that is what I was going to post. But then I read MWM's post about not engaging with a difficult child. I think she is right. We need to say things the way MWM wrote them out for us. Asking for advice, exposing things they know we will teach them about (because we have done it before) is a piece of how they manipulate us. It is how they soften our hearts, and get us thinking about them as children.</p><p></p><p>And then we pay.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This happens to me, too. Once we give advice though, they have us back in mommy mode.</p><p></p><p>That's how they do it, everybody. That is how they hook us in.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And that is what we need to remember. If they are not doing the things we would do if their position were our position, then they are playing us.</p><p></p><p>It's a subtle thing really, until you see it. And then, you will not unsee it, again.</p><p></p><p>First the advice, to soften us up, to get us thinking like moms. Then, the hit for money.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree with the others, sweetmama. Starting the money train again shifts responsibility for difficult child from him to you. </p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>This is true.</p><p></p><p>How could I have not seen it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>They are smart. I used to know things to say to put myself in a place where I was not eaten up with guilt for staying out of it.</p><p></p><p>That explains difficult child being so rotten about my being a bad grandmother. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a great thread.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 640015, member: 17461"] This was great advice. I give good advice, too. And that is what I was going to post. But then I read MWM's post about not engaging with a difficult child. I think she is right. We need to say things the way MWM wrote them out for us. Asking for advice, exposing things they know we will teach them about (because we have done it before) is a piece of how they manipulate us. It is how they soften our hearts, and get us thinking about them as children. And then we pay. This happens to me, too. Once we give advice though, they have us back in mommy mode. That's how they do it, everybody. That is how they hook us in. And that is what we need to remember. If they are not doing the things we would do if their position were our position, then they are playing us. It's a subtle thing really, until you see it. And then, you will not unsee it, again. First the advice, to soften us up, to get us thinking like moms. Then, the hit for money. I agree with the others, sweetmama. Starting the money train again shifts responsibility for difficult child from him to you. This is true. How could I have not seen it. They are smart. I used to know things to say to put myself in a place where I was not eaten up with guilt for staying out of it. That explains difficult child being so rotten about my being a bad grandmother. This is a great thread. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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3 months in....and drama?
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