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Substance Abuse
3 weeks - no contact
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 707820" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Either way, the purpose of his life is to work this out. You cannot do it for him. My son was off and on homeless for more than 4 years. He is mentally ill. At 28 he is gradually maturing, making better choices, is loving and caring, has sought out treatment, is talking about college.</p><p></p><p>It took his being in the wilderness...to be able to accept and value support and love.</p><p></p><p>Of course you have not. But it is not a question of deserving, nor it is a question of your worth or anything about what you have done or not done. It is about him. His own choices and learning, and dealing with his own life, the actual real world consequences of each one of acts.</p><p></p><p>By stepping in and taking the hits that our children's choices generate we prevent them from learning what they need to learn to mature and change, to become productive, responsible and caring adults. They are the ones that create meaning and value in their lives. No longer can we do it.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard is the rejection, the worry and the sense that all of your love and care has gone to naught. It feels as if our lives did not have meaning, when the center of us feels negated. This is not true. It is our responsibility now to fill our own center. We can no longer be defined entirely by our children, now grown. I needed to grow my own center. That was my learning and still is.</p><p></p><p>I hope you keep posting. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 707820, member: 18958"] Either way, the purpose of his life is to work this out. You cannot do it for him. My son was off and on homeless for more than 4 years. He is mentally ill. At 28 he is gradually maturing, making better choices, is loving and caring, has sought out treatment, is talking about college. It took his being in the wilderness...to be able to accept and value support and love. Of course you have not. But it is not a question of deserving, nor it is a question of your worth or anything about what you have done or not done. It is about him. His own choices and learning, and dealing with his own life, the actual real world consequences of each one of acts. By stepping in and taking the hits that our children's choices generate we prevent them from learning what they need to learn to mature and change, to become productive, responsible and caring adults. They are the ones that create meaning and value in their lives. No longer can we do it. I know how hard is the rejection, the worry and the sense that all of your love and care has gone to naught. It feels as if our lives did not have meaning, when the center of us feels negated. This is not true. It is our responsibility now to fill our own center. We can no longer be defined entirely by our children, now grown. I needed to grow my own center. That was my learning and still is. I hope you keep posting. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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