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3 yr old daughter has temperment / socialization problems
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 605045" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I don't agree with MWM in needing diagnosis/differently wired kid, not in this point at least. I do agree about it not being about spoiling or taking control. If your child was mostly okay till the two weeks ago, that is her normal behaviour and if that was not the problem, it is very unlikely about anything 'diagnosable' per se.</p><p></p><p>But two weeks ago she had a major, stressful life event that changed her life for good. Reacting to that is normal. From her point of view her loved one cheated on her and took in the other lover and gives all that attention to that new lover, so do everyone else in her life. Consider it from your point of view. If your husband would bring home a second wife and tell you to deal with it and be helpful and play nice with new wife, you could be little grumpy at work too <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> And it wouldn't help a lot that you would have been told about plan to take a new wife half a year early. Do understand that I'm not trying to say this is in any way your fault, you have done all the right things to prepare her to the baby. But any preparing doesn't take away it being a huge shock and change. And to that kids react according to their temperament, your kids happens to feel big and show it. Hitting in age of three is not uncommon way to demonstrate feeling bad and conflicted. Not all kids hit, but there is usually nothing wrong in those who do. Yes, of course they need to be redirect but kids do stuff all the time they need to be told better.</p><p></p><p>What I would be worried about would be this turning too negative experience for her. Not only has she to deal with the new baby, she has to deal with punishments and everyone being angry at her and being hard for her. When person acts out hurt feelings, being hard on them isn't usually the way to go. They will just feel more miserable. And what should three year old do, when they feel miserable? Write poetry about their suffering? Not going to happen, what you will get, is more acting out. Of course you have to give consequences for biggies, but you can well differentiate between pre-school consequences and home consequences. You don't have to punish her home about something she does in pre-school (it is not likely she will remember much of it when she comes home anyway.) Try to keep any consequence short, she is three year old, she really doesn't remember things long. She remembers she is punished but very unlikely the reason for punishments (other than in her head it may easily turn to 'mom and dad don't like me any more.') Discipline through positive reinforcement, not negative. Give her lots of positive attention, not only related being a good big sister but just being her. Allow her to be babyish too, if she wants to. Grandparents are meant to spoil their grandkids, let them.</p><p></p><p>She is having major life changing experience, try to make it positive and not negative for her!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 605045, member: 14557"] I don't agree with MWM in needing diagnosis/differently wired kid, not in this point at least. I do agree about it not being about spoiling or taking control. If your child was mostly okay till the two weeks ago, that is her normal behaviour and if that was not the problem, it is very unlikely about anything 'diagnosable' per se. But two weeks ago she had a major, stressful life event that changed her life for good. Reacting to that is normal. From her point of view her loved one cheated on her and took in the other lover and gives all that attention to that new lover, so do everyone else in her life. Consider it from your point of view. If your husband would bring home a second wife and tell you to deal with it and be helpful and play nice with new wife, you could be little grumpy at work too :winking: And it wouldn't help a lot that you would have been told about plan to take a new wife half a year early. Do understand that I'm not trying to say this is in any way your fault, you have done all the right things to prepare her to the baby. But any preparing doesn't take away it being a huge shock and change. And to that kids react according to their temperament, your kids happens to feel big and show it. Hitting in age of three is not uncommon way to demonstrate feeling bad and conflicted. Not all kids hit, but there is usually nothing wrong in those who do. Yes, of course they need to be redirect but kids do stuff all the time they need to be told better. What I would be worried about would be this turning too negative experience for her. Not only has she to deal with the new baby, she has to deal with punishments and everyone being angry at her and being hard for her. When person acts out hurt feelings, being hard on them isn't usually the way to go. They will just feel more miserable. And what should three year old do, when they feel miserable? Write poetry about their suffering? Not going to happen, what you will get, is more acting out. Of course you have to give consequences for biggies, but you can well differentiate between pre-school consequences and home consequences. You don't have to punish her home about something she does in pre-school (it is not likely she will remember much of it when she comes home anyway.) Try to keep any consequence short, she is three year old, she really doesn't remember things long. She remembers she is punished but very unlikely the reason for punishments (other than in her head it may easily turn to 'mom and dad don't like me any more.') Discipline through positive reinforcement, not negative. Give her lots of positive attention, not only related being a good big sister but just being her. Allow her to be babyish too, if she wants to. Grandparents are meant to spoil their grandkids, let them. She is having major life changing experience, try to make it positive and not negative for her! [/QUOTE]
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