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30 Year Old BiPolar Daughter Going Downhill (again)
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 712769" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It is very much time to return any and all mail of your daughters that comes to your address. Write "Not at this address" on the envelope and put it back out for the mailman. That takes care of any right to live there established by her getting mail at your address.</p><p></p><p>You do NOT owe this 30 year old woman anything. PERIOD. I don't CARE what illness she has. She can get a job, take her medications, or find another boyfriend to sponge off of. She hasn't had problems finding others to sponge off of before, why should she ruin your peace now? Jobs are what normal people do, she should give it a try. She needs to grow and struggle and figure her own stuff out rather than making you support her.</p><p></p><p>You having an empty room is not the point. That is YOUR room, not her room. NO is a complete sentence. Just say it and hang up. Better yet, think of the phone as a door that you do not have to open. You are not required to answer the phone when she calls. You can just let it ring and then go about your business as if she never called. It is an invitation into your home and you don 't have to invite her in if you don't want her there.</p><p></p><p>Be aware that if you DO let her stay, even for a night, she may have rights of tenancy depending on the laws of your city and state. You may actually have to evict her if you allow her to spend the night or to bring her personal belongings into your home. Just don't let her in. Meet her in a public place if you have to see her. </p><p></p><p>Go to Al Anon meetings for support. It sounds like your daughter has substance abuse issues, and is very abusive. These meetings can help you very much with coming to terms with detachment and with realizing that she is the problem, not you. You can find the meetings in your area online or in the phone book. </p><p></p><p>Most of all, know that this is her, not you. You did not cause this and you cannot fix this. Nothing you do will make it better. You have done all you can, you cannot love her better and you cannot make her well. It is time to love her enough to let her struggle until she starts to look for her own solutions to her problems. As long as you fix it for her, she is not ever going to get any better. She won't like you for not helping, but that isn't your problem either. Love her enough to let her go and figure it out for herself. </p><p></p><p>Love yourself enough to set yourself free from rescuing her.</p><p></p><p>Most of all, love your little dog enough to rescue him from her. Your dog doesn't need to deal with her drama any more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 712769, member: 1233"] It is very much time to return any and all mail of your daughters that comes to your address. Write "Not at this address" on the envelope and put it back out for the mailman. That takes care of any right to live there established by her getting mail at your address. You do NOT owe this 30 year old woman anything. PERIOD. I don't CARE what illness she has. She can get a job, take her medications, or find another boyfriend to sponge off of. She hasn't had problems finding others to sponge off of before, why should she ruin your peace now? Jobs are what normal people do, she should give it a try. She needs to grow and struggle and figure her own stuff out rather than making you support her. You having an empty room is not the point. That is YOUR room, not her room. NO is a complete sentence. Just say it and hang up. Better yet, think of the phone as a door that you do not have to open. You are not required to answer the phone when she calls. You can just let it ring and then go about your business as if she never called. It is an invitation into your home and you don 't have to invite her in if you don't want her there. Be aware that if you DO let her stay, even for a night, she may have rights of tenancy depending on the laws of your city and state. You may actually have to evict her if you allow her to spend the night or to bring her personal belongings into your home. Just don't let her in. Meet her in a public place if you have to see her. Go to Al Anon meetings for support. It sounds like your daughter has substance abuse issues, and is very abusive. These meetings can help you very much with coming to terms with detachment and with realizing that she is the problem, not you. You can find the meetings in your area online or in the phone book. Most of all, know that this is her, not you. You did not cause this and you cannot fix this. Nothing you do will make it better. You have done all you can, you cannot love her better and you cannot make her well. It is time to love her enough to let her struggle until she starts to look for her own solutions to her problems. As long as you fix it for her, she is not ever going to get any better. She won't like you for not helping, but that isn't your problem either. Love her enough to let her go and figure it out for herself. Love yourself enough to set yourself free from rescuing her. Most of all, love your little dog enough to rescue him from her. Your dog doesn't need to deal with her drama any more. [/QUOTE]
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30 Year Old BiPolar Daughter Going Downhill (again)
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