Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
33 year old difficult child homeless in CO
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 638803" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think the vulnerability we feel to this kind of exposure, to this kind of public spewing of what the difficult child presents as our coldness and lack of humanity...I think this affects us only as long as we are not sure ourselves of the wisdom of our responses. </p><p></p><p>Acceptance comes with time.</p><p></p><p>Turning away from a child, however old they are, is a radial thing to do. It requires layers of acceptance I think, and each layer comes replete with its defensiveness, with its own particular flavor of self accusation, with its own horrific condemnation of why turning away from someone who is troubled is wrong. Until we have confronted every layer of resistance in our own hearts, we are vulnerable to the judgments of others. But here is the thing: there is no way anyone who has not lived this could possibly understand this.</p><p></p><p>It is a very hard thing, to turn away. It changes our self concept.</p><p></p><p>However kind, however much in control, however well we are living the rest of our lives, turning away from a child in trouble, however old that "child" is, tarnishes and changes us. Maybe just for a time, but maybe, for all time.</p><p></p><p>It is difficult, if not impossible, to view ourselves as decent human beings when we do not help someone in need, and it is a thousand times worse when that someone is someone you love and suddenly, do not understand.</p><p></p><p>That is where the peculiar cut of this kind of shame comes from, I think. Our own vulnerability, our own uncertainty that there was a better way we could not find or did not take.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>It was a very cruel thing for your child to have done.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have learned that if I have a phrase like the one MWM has given you at the ready, I am able to get through the public encounters intact. It is shaming to lose emotional control in public, or to not know what to say or how to accept what is said to us.</p><p></p><p>It is too easy to say too much.</p><p></p><p>A phrase like this will enable you to keep private those vulnerabilities that should only be shared with those you deeply trust.</p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>I like this phrase, MWM.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 638803, member: 17461"] I think the vulnerability we feel to this kind of exposure, to this kind of public spewing of what the difficult child presents as our coldness and lack of humanity...I think this affects us only as long as we are not sure ourselves of the wisdom of our responses. Acceptance comes with time. Turning away from a child, however old they are, is a radial thing to do. It requires layers of acceptance I think, and each layer comes replete with its defensiveness, with its own particular flavor of self accusation, with its own horrific condemnation of why turning away from someone who is troubled is wrong. Until we have confronted every layer of resistance in our own hearts, we are vulnerable to the judgments of others. But here is the thing: there is no way anyone who has not lived this could possibly understand this. It is a very hard thing, to turn away. It changes our self concept. However kind, however much in control, however well we are living the rest of our lives, turning away from a child in trouble, however old that "child" is, tarnishes and changes us. Maybe just for a time, but maybe, for all time. It is difficult, if not impossible, to view ourselves as decent human beings when we do not help someone in need, and it is a thousand times worse when that someone is someone you love and suddenly, do not understand. That is where the peculiar cut of this kind of shame comes from, I think. Our own vulnerability, our own uncertainty that there was a better way we could not find or did not take. Yes. It was a very cruel thing for your child to have done. I have learned that if I have a phrase like the one MWM has given you at the ready, I am able to get through the public encounters intact. It is shaming to lose emotional control in public, or to not know what to say or how to accept what is said to us. It is too easy to say too much. A phrase like this will enable you to keep private those vulnerabilities that should only be shared with those you deeply trust. I like this phrase, MWM. True. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
33 year old difficult child homeless in CO
Top