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Parent Emeritus
33 year old difficult child homeless in CO
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 638830" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>MWM is so correct in this statement. This is not the first time he has lied about me and it probably won't be the last.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>Scent of Cedar, your words truly touch me. I struggled with this for many years, harboring feelings of guilt, thinking it must be me, what should I have done different. You can drive yourself crazy with that. I came to the point where I had to let that thinking go. My husband and I did the best we could. We had a stable home, we both worked, we ate dinner every night as a family, we drove out of state every year to visist the grandparents, etc..... and when we started having trouble with our difficult child we did everything we could to help him but I learned that no matter how many different counselors you work with, unless that person wants to change, nothing will change. I started focusing on these facts and that really helped me to let go of the guilt. Even after my difficult child turned 18 I still continued to try and help him. Things would appear to be ok but my difficult child is a master manipulator and he would say and do all the right things but he couldn't keep up the charade for long. We went through that cycle for quite a few years. You love this person and you do everything you can to help them, you give them chance after chance only to have them break your heart over and over. The "straw that broke the camels back" for me was when he abandoned his wife and kids. One good thing that came out of all this misery is my beautiful grandchildren and their mother whom I adore. All I can do now for my difficult child is to pray for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 638830, member: 18516"] MWM is so correct in this statement. This is not the first time he has lied about me and it probably won't be the last. Scent of Cedar, your words truly touch me. I struggled with this for many years, harboring feelings of guilt, thinking it must be me, what should I have done different. You can drive yourself crazy with that. I came to the point where I had to let that thinking go. My husband and I did the best we could. We had a stable home, we both worked, we ate dinner every night as a family, we drove out of state every year to visist the grandparents, etc..... and when we started having trouble with our difficult child we did everything we could to help him but I learned that no matter how many different counselors you work with, unless that person wants to change, nothing will change. I started focusing on these facts and that really helped me to let go of the guilt. Even after my difficult child turned 18 I still continued to try and help him. Things would appear to be ok but my difficult child is a master manipulator and he would say and do all the right things but he couldn't keep up the charade for long. We went through that cycle for quite a few years. You love this person and you do everything you can to help them, you give them chance after chance only to have them break your heart over and over. The "straw that broke the camels back" for me was when he abandoned his wife and kids. One good thing that came out of all this misery is my beautiful grandchildren and their mother whom I adore. All I can do now for my difficult child is to pray for him. [/QUOTE]
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33 year old difficult child homeless in CO
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