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34 year old son is killing my soul
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 743530" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Beebz, I am so sorry you are in such pain. And I am sorry that the holiday brought you no joy. I know what it is like to worry about a homeless son. And to feel guilty enjoying my own creature comforts, knowing I have the space for him if I would give in and let him stay here. (And also knowing that if I did it would never work, he would make no progress and I would have no peace.) It is hard.</p><p></p><p>Do you have any idea where he is or where he might be sleeping? I have found that mine, when homeless, seems to be more resourceful than I realized. He seems to find places to be out of the cold in the worst of times, someone's couch or a shelter. And now he has found a friend who will let him stay for 2 months while he works and saves money for a place of his own (hopefully). I don't know anything about your son's situation, but I do know that my worst fears about mine sleeping on a sidewalk grate or under a bridge did not seem to be the reality. There is a community of sorts on the streets, I have learned. </p><p></p><p>At times like these, I have had to learn to "change the channel" for my own sanity. To close the worry and pain away and force myself to think of other things. Please be gentle with yourself, and let yourself put down the burden of worry once in a while. Your worry will not help him, and only makes you weaker. You need to keep yourself strong. You deserve and are allowed to have a life beyond your son. </p><p></p><p>I bought my son a warm coat, boots, socks and gloves, and took him some warm blankets. I did not invite him to come home with me. I know it will not work, even though he is actually making another attempt to be sober and work right now. We've been here before. And I know if I bring him back here progress stops. Entitlement and laziness come back. For my son, the only way forward seems to be through pain and struggle. Perhaps it is the same for yours. </p><p></p><p>Sending you big hugs, and prayers for better days ahead.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 743530, member: 23349"] Beebz, I am so sorry you are in such pain. And I am sorry that the holiday brought you no joy. I know what it is like to worry about a homeless son. And to feel guilty enjoying my own creature comforts, knowing I have the space for him if I would give in and let him stay here. (And also knowing that if I did it would never work, he would make no progress and I would have no peace.) It is hard. Do you have any idea where he is or where he might be sleeping? I have found that mine, when homeless, seems to be more resourceful than I realized. He seems to find places to be out of the cold in the worst of times, someone's couch or a shelter. And now he has found a friend who will let him stay for 2 months while he works and saves money for a place of his own (hopefully). I don't know anything about your son's situation, but I do know that my worst fears about mine sleeping on a sidewalk grate or under a bridge did not seem to be the reality. There is a community of sorts on the streets, I have learned. At times like these, I have had to learn to "change the channel" for my own sanity. To close the worry and pain away and force myself to think of other things. Please be gentle with yourself, and let yourself put down the burden of worry once in a while. Your worry will not help him, and only makes you weaker. You need to keep yourself strong. You deserve and are allowed to have a life beyond your son. I bought my son a warm coat, boots, socks and gloves, and took him some warm blankets. I did not invite him to come home with me. I know it will not work, even though he is actually making another attempt to be sober and work right now. We've been here before. And I know if I bring him back here progress stops. Entitlement and laziness come back. For my son, the only way forward seems to be through pain and struggle. Perhaps it is the same for yours. Sending you big hugs, and prayers for better days ahead. [/QUOTE]
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34 year old son is killing my soul
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