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36 hours after release from jail, difficult child is high and drunk...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 618693" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Blackgnat, it is very important that you post and post during this time of crisis and choice. Crisis for your difficult child, as the truth of what he has been doing and who he is comes out, and choice ~ for you, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>I too see the "evil twin" you posted about. The one who tells you what a good mother would do and then, expects you to do it. Recovering calls these feelings the FOG. They are so overwhelming that we literally cannot think our ways through them. In a way, blackgnat, this is a sign of health. Remember when there was no feeling of FOG, and you reacted out of instinct? Well, now you know there is another, equally or maybe, even more valid, choice of response available to you. </p><p></p><p>It is the hardest thing in the world to see our difficult child kids clearly.</p><p></p><p>Given the history of violence with this difficult child blackgnat, I think you need to post about that stuff alot, right now. You are in some danger, here. Even if the difficult child stays in jail or is imprisoned for a time, one day he will get out. I would like to see you process the information you need to blackgnat, to be safe. Like every difficult child, your son strikes me as eerily self-centered. Like all moms, you love him. If you see the strangeness in your child, you brush it away, believe it is healed, understand it was a mistake ~ any of a thousand reasons why this time, things will work out and your difficult child will claim for himself the life you are determined he will have.</p><p></p><p>Parents who have traveled these paths before us tell us that part of what we need to do to allow ourselves to see our difficult child kids clearly is to stop judging anything about them. It is the judging, the admission to ourselves that there is something not right that keeps us choosing the FOG over clarity of vision. In our hearts? We know. We cannot allow ourselves to know what it is with our difficult child kids, though. What would that look like? What would we do? How would we handle that?</p><p></p><p>We need to make concerted efforts to stop judging ourselves, too. It is what it is. There is nothing we can do to change or to help our difficult child kids. For whatever reason (and how and why really are not relevant), someone we love, someone we birthed and raised and cherished and hoped for and cried over is self-destructing.</p><p></p><p>It's a hard thing to see, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>But with your difficult child's history of violence toward you, I think you need to see. He will be calling, softening you up, setting you up.... All you really need to do for right now? Is just consider that this is what he is doing, in his phone calls.</p><p></p><p>That isn't too much to think about.</p><p></p><p>Small steps. That's how we get beyond the fog and into beginning clarity.</p><p></p><p>Please keep posting, blackgnat. You are so vulnerable to your difficult child right now that it breaks my heart. I am always trying to save my difficult children, too. I don't know how you are going to get past that mother's need to help. But your difficult child is so violent, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you came back to the site for this. I think you know too, what you need to do.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>P.S. Just so you know I am not like, blasting away at you from the heights of "I'm better-ness?" I am having to watch my evolution in regard to my difficult child daughter, too. It's so impossibly hard to see what I see, so much easier to believe...something ~ anything ~ else.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 618693, member: 17461"] Blackgnat, it is very important that you post and post during this time of crisis and choice. Crisis for your difficult child, as the truth of what he has been doing and who he is comes out, and choice ~ for you, blackgnat. I too see the "evil twin" you posted about. The one who tells you what a good mother would do and then, expects you to do it. Recovering calls these feelings the FOG. They are so overwhelming that we literally cannot think our ways through them. In a way, blackgnat, this is a sign of health. Remember when there was no feeling of FOG, and you reacted out of instinct? Well, now you know there is another, equally or maybe, even more valid, choice of response available to you. It is the hardest thing in the world to see our difficult child kids clearly. Given the history of violence with this difficult child blackgnat, I think you need to post about that stuff alot, right now. You are in some danger, here. Even if the difficult child stays in jail or is imprisoned for a time, one day he will get out. I would like to see you process the information you need to blackgnat, to be safe. Like every difficult child, your son strikes me as eerily self-centered. Like all moms, you love him. If you see the strangeness in your child, you brush it away, believe it is healed, understand it was a mistake ~ any of a thousand reasons why this time, things will work out and your difficult child will claim for himself the life you are determined he will have. Parents who have traveled these paths before us tell us that part of what we need to do to allow ourselves to see our difficult child kids clearly is to stop judging anything about them. It is the judging, the admission to ourselves that there is something not right that keeps us choosing the FOG over clarity of vision. In our hearts? We know. We cannot allow ourselves to know what it is with our difficult child kids, though. What would that look like? What would we do? How would we handle that? We need to make concerted efforts to stop judging ourselves, too. It is what it is. There is nothing we can do to change or to help our difficult child kids. For whatever reason (and how and why really are not relevant), someone we love, someone we birthed and raised and cherished and hoped for and cried over is self-destructing. It's a hard thing to see, blackgnat. But with your difficult child's history of violence toward you, I think you need to see. He will be calling, softening you up, setting you up.... All you really need to do for right now? Is just consider that this is what he is doing, in his phone calls. That isn't too much to think about. Small steps. That's how we get beyond the fog and into beginning clarity. Please keep posting, blackgnat. You are so vulnerable to your difficult child right now that it breaks my heart. I am always trying to save my difficult children, too. I don't know how you are going to get past that mother's need to help. But your difficult child is so violent, blackgnat. I am glad you came back to the site for this. I think you know too, what you need to do. Cedar P.S. Just so you know I am not like, blasting away at you from the heights of "I'm better-ness?" I am having to watch my evolution in regard to my difficult child daughter, too. It's so impossibly hard to see what I see, so much easier to believe...something ~ anything ~ else. [/QUOTE]
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36 hours after release from jail, difficult child is high and drunk...
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