5yr Old ....New behavior.

[smay]

I am new here and I was hoping I might get some advice. My daughter is 5yrs old. She has always been independent and loving. Lately, she has started to behave differently. First, she likes to play at school. At first it was common things such as fidgeting, talking, etc. Lately, she has started copying another kids behavior (bad behavior, bad words, disrespectful). Least to say this has landed her in the office a couple of times now. Second, my daughter acts as if she has no control or does not care about the consequences of her behavior. As long as she does what she wants she has no other worries. At least till she has been caught. Then she promises and negotiates on her punishment. Only to repeat the same behavior the first chance she gets.

Me and my wife are trying to find solutions. We have recently come to the realization that my daughter is a strong willed child and have started reading up on different ways to discipline and deal with her. I am currently at a cross roads though. It seems no matter how much we talk or how long our daughter loses privileges, she still wants to do as she pleases. She tells us that she can't help it, that she just wants to have fun, or that she didn't think she would get caught. I am really looking for some more suggestions on where to go from here. I am a bit frustrated and really want to enjoy my little girl again. I do realize that she will push her boundaries as she grows up, but when she has pushed and is punished, she goes right back to pushing. Current Punishments include time outs, loss of privileges (i.e. TV time), in the room for the remainder of the day, and as last resort corporal punishment. (To explain, the corporal punishment is very seldom used. I came from a home of free flowing spankings as did my wife. We both feel we have many other options before getting to that point. That option is a very last resort.)

Learning that my child has a strong will and thus it is in her nature to push the limits, has been a new experience. I am learning to give closed ended statements such as "clean up your room please before you do anything else." Putting expectations with my request. My biggest concern is the lack of care she has for the rules either at home or school. How do I change this with out excessive punishment?

I have browsed this site and have seen wonderful advice given. I definitely realize that my child's behavior pales in comparison to other behaviors, but for my family this has been a new hurdle we find ourselves not very well prepared for. Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[SRL]

Hi and welcome to our site!

One question before I reply: is your daughter developmentally on target? Anything like speech delays going on?

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there.
Has she ever been evaluated? It's always best to start with a good evaluation, especially if she is atypical in any way (and her behavior is). It's sometimes hard to swallow, but it's best to do that rather than assume she is just misbehaving and that you need only to change your parenting style. If people end up here, it is usually not that simple. Any psyschiatric problems or substance abuse on the family tree? Was her development "off" in any way? Does she socialize appropriately with her same-age peers (this means play normally with them in a give and take way). When did you notice she was different from other kids?

 

[susiestar]

Welcome!! It is great to have a dad here!

first of all, don't compare your daughter's problems and behavior to other people's problems with their children. You are trying to find a way to best help your daughter. THAT is what matters, not whether your daughter's behaviors are as severe or whatever when compared to my child or anyone else's child. We are here for you no matter how she "stacks up".

Until there are some answers to the other questions, it is hard to give advice. I will say that with our kids corporal punishment is about the worst thing you can do. She won't understand the rules of it. She will ONLY grasp that if you are bigger and stronger you can hit to get your own way.

I learned that one the hard way. Sigh.

HAve you read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene? It is an excellent resource that I think most of us have found very helpful. There is a thread at the top of the forum index that talks about adapting the explosive child to use iwth young children.

One of the problems with disciplining a child under 5 is that they simply do not grasp long term punishments. They forget why they are being punished so it doesn't change their behavior. Natural consequences tend to work better.

I also highly recommend, "Love & Logic Magic for Early Childhood". You can check it out at www.loveandlogic.com . It is a great website with lots of info and descriptions of all their books. I recommend listening to the audio thingys there also.

STick around, we really like to have a father's perspective here!

Welcome,

Susie