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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 508661" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Well with that said MO5 </p><p></p><p>It seems apparent to me that there were things that he did to hurt your relationship. Instead of flipping him to the curb at THAT time - You DID give him another chance. You laid out the "Here is what must be done to stay with me ULTIMATUMS." NOT "Here is what you could do if you think you want to be with me - suggestions." I think you were REMARKABLY clear and in my mind after your explaination? If he truly wanted to make a go of it? He would be doing his best to stay away from the things that he did to hurt you and cause problems in the first place. When you make mistakes and say I am sorry, I won't do it again - you don't skirt the issues. You avoid the issues, and work at repairing yourself, and the things you did wrong to make the situation BETTER. Not go back to old habits and hope someone doesn't notice. </p><p></p><p>My issues with your situation and any relationship are the fact that you have to be married to a man you have to POLICE. You have full access to all his passwords? That shouldn't be necessary. This is a huge red flag that there is NO trust. WIthout trust? You have nothing. My thought would be - you have said "You can look at ANY of my accounts, in my purse, on my phone- in my car - ANYTIME, but you've had to make ultimatums to do the same for him,and he's agreed possibly to keep a roof, the peace thinking as time goes on - he'll just slip back into old habits, you will too and no one would be the wiser. Again, my thought is if you have NO trust? You have NO relationship. You can have the same thing with a complete stranger. Think about it.....</p><p></p><p>Everyone including me has suggested counseling to get the three sides of the story. I don't think I need any more of it. It doesn't boil down to money, it doesn't boil down to anger, it doesn't boil down to loath - it boils down to trust - and you don't have it with him. It doesn't sound like he cares to work on it, and if he does he has an odd way of showing it - You would know him better than any of us, and shooting you straight as a girlfriend, not an impartial person of do what you want but as someone who has been there done that with a man who cheated repeatedly - and I gave him every opportunity, had several counseling sessions - and tried MY hardest to keep married? Save yourself the hassle. FWIW? I don't think either of your hearts have been in this for a while. No shame in admitting that. I know once I looked back on my marriage of 13 years? I realized I hadn't been in love for a long, long time - I was just trying to stay married to be married. I wasted a lot of my time. Hope this doesn't anger you - just wanted to be blunt and honest. </p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you - I've always found you to say what you think and for that I'm thankful. I think everyone here just wanted you to take a moment and try to salvage anything if it was there. We all always mean the best for each other. Truly. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 508661, member: 4964"] Well with that said MO5 It seems apparent to me that there were things that he did to hurt your relationship. Instead of flipping him to the curb at THAT time - You DID give him another chance. You laid out the "Here is what must be done to stay with me ULTIMATUMS." NOT "Here is what you could do if you think you want to be with me - suggestions." I think you were REMARKABLY clear and in my mind after your explaination? If he truly wanted to make a go of it? He would be doing his best to stay away from the things that he did to hurt you and cause problems in the first place. When you make mistakes and say I am sorry, I won't do it again - you don't skirt the issues. You avoid the issues, and work at repairing yourself, and the things you did wrong to make the situation BETTER. Not go back to old habits and hope someone doesn't notice. My issues with your situation and any relationship are the fact that you have to be married to a man you have to POLICE. You have full access to all his passwords? That shouldn't be necessary. This is a huge red flag that there is NO trust. WIthout trust? You have nothing. My thought would be - you have said "You can look at ANY of my accounts, in my purse, on my phone- in my car - ANYTIME, but you've had to make ultimatums to do the same for him,and he's agreed possibly to keep a roof, the peace thinking as time goes on - he'll just slip back into old habits, you will too and no one would be the wiser. Again, my thought is if you have NO trust? You have NO relationship. You can have the same thing with a complete stranger. Think about it..... Everyone including me has suggested counseling to get the three sides of the story. I don't think I need any more of it. It doesn't boil down to money, it doesn't boil down to anger, it doesn't boil down to loath - it boils down to trust - and you don't have it with him. It doesn't sound like he cares to work on it, and if he does he has an odd way of showing it - You would know him better than any of us, and shooting you straight as a girlfriend, not an impartial person of do what you want but as someone who has been there done that with a man who cheated repeatedly - and I gave him every opportunity, had several counseling sessions - and tried MY hardest to keep married? Save yourself the hassle. FWIW? I don't think either of your hearts have been in this for a while. No shame in admitting that. I know once I looked back on my marriage of 13 years? I realized I hadn't been in love for a long, long time - I was just trying to stay married to be married. I wasted a lot of my time. Hope this doesn't anger you - just wanted to be blunt and honest. My heart goes out to you - I've always found you to say what you think and for that I'm thankful. I think everyone here just wanted you to take a moment and try to salvage anything if it was there. We all always mean the best for each other. Truly. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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