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A disregarded cry for help
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 400421" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First, exactly what are the bio kids lacking besides time and attention? HOW are they showing that they are unhappy? From your post I gather that it has gone beyond some jealousy of the time and attention shown to the "new kids" to doing real damage to them. Why do you think this and what are you seeing? The pretend phone call was pretty open and put it all out there, or it would seem so. Were the parents in the room? Paying any attention? What was there reaction to what she said? Did they respond at all? </p><p> </p><p>Do you have a clue as to why they are so wrapped up in helping all these foster kids to the exclusion of their own children's well being? Are they clueless or hooked on the respect and adulation of those who know that they are foster parents?</p><p> </p><p>Would they respond appropriately if you spoke to them, and be willing to make some real changes, or would they get angry and blame you for "stirring up trouble" and take it out on the kids?</p><p> </p><p>What exactly do you think would happen if CPS got a report that the bio kids in this home were suffering and miserable because they were ignored for the foster kids? </p><p> </p><p>Do the kids see tdocs (bio kids and fosters or just fosters)?Have they told their tdocs how they feel and why? How long has this situation been going on with their kids speaking and acting out?</p><p> </p><p>If speaking to them will not help them see, then you may want to consider helping your nieces/nephews write letters telling their parents HOW they feel and WHY. I am sure that specifics of what the parents and kids are doign that is hurting the kids would be helpful if you can get the kids to reveal this. </p><p> </p><p>I am really worried about these kids. The foster kids may be manipulative enough and/or strong enough to actually HURT these kids, esp as some ahve quoted that 99%+ of foster kids are sexually abused. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids can be incredibly dangerous to others and I worry that the bio kids may be enduring physical and/or sexual abuse along with other issues. If not from these current kids then from past ones (or future ones). </p><p> </p><p>If letters to the parents do not work, maybe CPS NEEDS to hear about this. It isn't easy to do. IF you detail the pretend phone call then it will be clear that you did the report. Encourage the kdis to talk to adults - you, a school counsellor or teacher, a therapist or even their pediatrician, SOME ADULT other than mom and dad. If they won't talk to any other adults, and you believe they are abused, you have EVERY obligation to help them - report it to CPS and KEEP reporting. Anonymously if you want to contact your nieces/nephews again as this will NOT be a popular choice with the parents. I don't even know if it would do any good, depending on how much CPS is willing to ignore to have a home for these foster kids. </p><p> </p><p>I would at least try very hard to help. You are seeing what sure looks like abuse and as an adult you have some obligations here also.</p><p> </p><p>It really sounds like these parents have totally lost sight of their own kids, which is very sad. I hope the parents would respond if their kids' pain was visible to them, but you never know how dependent they are on all the praise for their foster work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 400421, member: 1233"] First, exactly what are the bio kids lacking besides time and attention? HOW are they showing that they are unhappy? From your post I gather that it has gone beyond some jealousy of the time and attention shown to the "new kids" to doing real damage to them. Why do you think this and what are you seeing? The pretend phone call was pretty open and put it all out there, or it would seem so. Were the parents in the room? Paying any attention? What was there reaction to what she said? Did they respond at all? Do you have a clue as to why they are so wrapped up in helping all these foster kids to the exclusion of their own children's well being? Are they clueless or hooked on the respect and adulation of those who know that they are foster parents? Would they respond appropriately if you spoke to them, and be willing to make some real changes, or would they get angry and blame you for "stirring up trouble" and take it out on the kids? What exactly do you think would happen if CPS got a report that the bio kids in this home were suffering and miserable because they were ignored for the foster kids? Do the kids see tdocs (bio kids and fosters or just fosters)?Have they told their tdocs how they feel and why? How long has this situation been going on with their kids speaking and acting out? If speaking to them will not help them see, then you may want to consider helping your nieces/nephews write letters telling their parents HOW they feel and WHY. I am sure that specifics of what the parents and kids are doign that is hurting the kids would be helpful if you can get the kids to reveal this. I am really worried about these kids. The foster kids may be manipulative enough and/or strong enough to actually HURT these kids, esp as some ahve quoted that 99%+ of foster kids are sexually abused. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids can be incredibly dangerous to others and I worry that the bio kids may be enduring physical and/or sexual abuse along with other issues. If not from these current kids then from past ones (or future ones). If letters to the parents do not work, maybe CPS NEEDS to hear about this. It isn't easy to do. IF you detail the pretend phone call then it will be clear that you did the report. Encourage the kdis to talk to adults - you, a school counsellor or teacher, a therapist or even their pediatrician, SOME ADULT other than mom and dad. If they won't talk to any other adults, and you believe they are abused, you have EVERY obligation to help them - report it to CPS and KEEP reporting. Anonymously if you want to contact your nieces/nephews again as this will NOT be a popular choice with the parents. I don't even know if it would do any good, depending on how much CPS is willing to ignore to have a home for these foster kids. I would at least try very hard to help. You are seeing what sure looks like abuse and as an adult you have some obligations here also. It really sounds like these parents have totally lost sight of their own kids, which is very sad. I hope the parents would respond if their kids' pain was visible to them, but you never know how dependent they are on all the praise for their foster work. [/QUOTE]
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