A good thought please.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Apr 12, 2010.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    As you may have heard, I'm pushing for visits between kt & wm before they turn 18 ~ teach them to be siblings before they seek each other out in a more disturbing manner.

    There is a double team treatment meeting this morning (something like 26 strong ~ I've lost count to be honest. Could be more, could be less.). I get so lost in meetings this big ~ too many professionals, too few parents. :crazy2:

    I could use some positive board mojo that there are supports in place for the continuation of visits instead of concerns of child endangerment. I'll be heading into that meeting to terminate wm's therapist.

    I'll be suggesting that therapy be more forward thinking based instead of all this concentration on memories that haunt. I truly believe these memories would be less daunting to the tweedles if the tdocs would just let it drop & only address it when kt or wm bring it up.

    The elephant in the room must be addressed. kt & wm need to see each other as people, as siblings, not this incredibly huge, disturbing memory. I need the supports to make this happen. AND I truly believe that being twins, their anxiety will lessen if they can see one another more frequently than every 18 months or so.

    I'm also, once again, bringing to the table that this is a family situation, not just wm's issues or kt's issues. It needs to be addressed individually, yes, but also as a family.

    I'm suggesting that if visits bring about negative behaviors that we just don't stop like in the past; we have to give this more than a one hit wonder type visit to make it work.

    I want siblings, not lovers, on my hands once the tweedles become adults. Now is the time or it won't be done at all.
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    positive thoughts and vibes coming your way. Wow, that sounds like a very daunting meeting. I will give you warrior mom armor for the day--I can let it go for a day, but do need it back.

    Sometimes if you keep digging at a wound, it just gets larger. I think this goes for physical and emotional wounds sometimes. The tweedles have been working at their individual issues for a long time, and I think you have some very valid points.

    I hope all goes well for you.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    You are in control of this family - don't forget that. In the past, contact has stopped once the inappropriate behaviors or negative reactions begun. You are right on with wanting these issues to be worked through. Stopping an action when a behavior begins does not address the issue - it's sweeps it under the carpet.

    I think you are right in pushing for continued visits. The last one was so sibling typical. It can be done. They may not all go as smoothly, things might get difficult, but it needs to happen for their future healthy relationship. Face it head on.

    Huge support your way my friend.

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending lots of support your way, and another rhino skin suit.

    You are very right that after all these years of treatment things need to shift. If the focus stays on the painful memories of the past, how will the tweedles ever learn to think about the future? I thought that situations like these were largely supposed to follow the child's/client's lead. Wm and Kt are very able to bring up things that bother them, and to otherwise let it heal. How ever will they heal if the tdocs keep picking the skin off the wound?

    As teens they are very close to adulthood. They NEED to learn how to interact appropriately and this cannot happen if they don't see each other frequently and with lots of supports there.

    We are right there with you in that meeting!

  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Sending many prayers and extra rhino skin your way!
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Linda - I'm right there in the room with you, sending big-time strength and good vibes.

    You have hit the nail on the head. The team has just a bit more than 2 years to implement what, if I recall correctly, was the plan all along - that they be able to interact appropriately as sibs. Impossible to do if they are never even given the opportunity. For members of the team who object, you might ask them what their "plan" will be in 2 years when the tweedles will no long be on the team's watch, or possibly anybody's. Two years flies wicked fast. You're right - it's time to work with what you've got.

    Stay strong and don't you let them push you around. ;)
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with your position. I cannot see any other outcome for the tweedles if the therapy isnt done like you advise. Like you said, they will seek each other out in a non sibling role if they cant change that view of themselves now.

    Hugs, you are on the right path.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Sending prayers and good thoughts...
  9. familyof5

    familyof5 Guest

    sending you good thoughts
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You go Warrior Mom!!! You can make this happen. I have 100% confidence in you and your abilities.

    Thank goodness wm & kt got you as their mom!!!!!!

    Sending as much strength as I can over the internet. Wishing you peace and strength!!!!
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm on your side...rooting loudly for you. I think with many of our difficult children the regurgitation of past traumas reenforces
    the trauma rather than preparing them to move on. After all this time it makes sense. Good luck. DDD
  12. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Coming in late but hugs and good thoughts headed your way! Don't forget what I told you. If those idjits try to pursue the child endangerment insanity, just let us know. We'll show up strong at court!
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending more good thoughts, Linda. Hope all went well.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry I'm late on this-hope things went well today. Hugs.
  15. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Coming in late. Sending support...
  16. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I think you are absolutely taking the right approach to this. It has the most hope for healing and growth -- and that's what these kids need... to GROW into healthy adults. I hope you achieve all your objectives. They'd be fools not to agree with you.
  17. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    how did it go yesterday?

  18. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thank you all ~ it's been a busy couple of days. I had to prep for kt's IEP when I got home from the staffing yesterday morning. Concerns that need to addressed as kt is transitioning to adulthood.

    The meeting was more stressful than I anticipated. I completely fell apart (the first time I can remember doing this) & cried during the meeting. I felt my concerns were not being heard. It went from putting the need for supports on the table to "who's in charge" or "we need the therapist's to direct this". I kept asking where I fit into this.

    I finally spoke up & informed this group of professionals that this is not about kt; nor is it about wm ~ it's family & it's a family concern. That I, as the parent, felt I make very sensible, logical & safe decisions for my children. I need to be the head of this team or the treatment plan would keep drifting off, as it had been for the last few years when I was so very ill.

    I wasn't proud of how emotional I was ~ I'm not sure what was accomplished in an hour & a half other than a much smaller, more contained meeting is happening on the 26th. This doesn't & shouldn't be this involved.

    The plan is out there now - just need to keep shoving people forward.
  19. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm sorry you were met with such resistance and had to get so emotional. Perhaps your emotion showed them how connected you are to these children and how frustrated you are that your concerns and your ideas are not taken seriously enough. You have laid it on the table - let's see if they bite.

  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I agree with your position, too, and think it's fine how you handled things at this last meeting. You showed that you are a strong parent, yet have appropriate emotions about the entire family, and expressed your concerns, which are valid. Hopefully after everyone has had a few days to mull things over and digest what you said, things will take a turn for the better.