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A little bit of hope.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752568" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you Beta. </p><p></p><p>You know the hardest part for me is hope. It is so easy for me to fall into despair, anger, and shut down. Just to scream: <em>Leave. I never want you back here. Stay away from me. </em></p><p></p><p>When I feel this way I just want to shut down. To stop this. To stop it coming at me.</p><p></p><p>Shutting down has become like a reflex. Like I'm some kind of tiny marine creature that snaps shut or coils inward with even the smallest sense that danger could be near. Or maybe I'm more like an octopus. And I spew ink. My son represents danger to me. And I spew negativity.</p><p></p><p>It's become dangerous to stay open to possibility. </p><p></p><p>I am glad I started this thread. All I am asking of myself is one day at a time. To permit each day to come and to be, and then to become the next day. That's all.</p><p></p><p>I will read and re-read this thread. I already have.</p><p></p><p>Imagine that. I have to re-train myself to tolerate possibility.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very, very much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752568, member: 18958"] Thank you Beta. You know the hardest part for me is hope. It is so easy for me to fall into despair, anger, and shut down. Just to scream: [I]Leave. I never want you back here. Stay away from me. [/I] When I feel this way I just want to shut down. To stop this. To stop it coming at me. Shutting down has become like a reflex. Like I'm some kind of tiny marine creature that snaps shut or coils inward with even the smallest sense that danger could be near. Or maybe I'm more like an octopus. And I spew ink. My son represents danger to me. And I spew negativity. It's become dangerous to stay open to possibility. I am glad I started this thread. All I am asking of myself is one day at a time. To permit each day to come and to be, and then to become the next day. That's all. I will read and re-read this thread. I already have. Imagine that. I have to re-train myself to tolerate possibility. Thank you very, very much. [/QUOTE]
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A little bit of hope.
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