Copabanana
Well-Known Member
I want to give you a little update. It's a little bit of good news at the end. You can skip to that below, if you want. The first half of this post are set up.
My son's been homeless off an on for 8 years. My son just had his 31rst birthday.
About 2.5 months ago my son came back here to our town after a number of months in the large, very expensive metro a few hours from here, where for the most part he was paying rent to sleep in a garden shed. Doing nothing. He did not ask for monetary help (he gets SSI, which doesn't make a dent in his expenses) while he was away, but in the near 3 months he's been back, he has not had enough money to get through each month. I have required he pay a reasonable rent.
He has shown no incentive to manage his money. He has offered to permit us to help with accountability, but as soon as his check arrives, all incentive to do anything differently evaporates. He is arrogant with money. And humble, even servile, without money. Two weeks of each month he has expected us to help with food, cigarettes, bottled water, etc. He pressures, whines, begs, acts morose, shows up at my house, etc. It's horrible.
We have learned to try to NOT help. Which makes our lives living hell. He hounds us day and night.
Despite this there have been a few positive changes. He has gone to doctors, including a therapist and a psychiatrist. He is smoking waay less marijuana, and he is not using it on my property. He is not coming home visibly high. He is NOT talking about the loony conspiracy theories (Gold Standard, Illuminati, Reptiles, clouds that are chem trails, vaccines, etc. OMG. So grateful that seems to have stopped.)
This month, on the first, he announced that for his birthday he wanted to take a trek in the northern part of our state. He has broached this before, and I told him if he wants me to maintain his room he needs to pay rent for the period he is gone.
So. He decided unilaterally that my terms were onerous, and I responded, leave, then. He had not given me any rent by the 4th of the month, only paid back M $140 that he borrowed when I hounded him. And when he said he wanted to come and talk, which meant he wanted more favorable terms, I said, leave.
He left town, and then immediately called M to see if he could come back. And then he took the train back here, and presented himself at the door (he lives with M.) 24 hours after he had left. He was back at the door.
So. There we were. In 6 days he had spent nearly half of his SSI check. There would have been no money left to pay rent, and to eat. What were we to do?
I was traumatized. Just over a year ago I had had to call the police repeatedly as he was squatting/sleeping (and peeing) in the yard, and coming to my house and depositing himself in my yard. It is very hard for me not to regress to panic, when things seem like they are going back to the worst.
So, this is what M and I decided to do.
I decided NOT to ask for rent, even though he did have the funds to pay it. Because that would have made him dependent upon me, for the rest of the month to support him. Instead we gave him 24 hours to find a full time job or volunteer position. If he had no job (confirmed in writing) by the end of today, he had to leave, immediately. He could earn more days one day at a time, by working--one day of confirmed work, for one day of lodging, until the end of the month.
Our backs were to the wall and his was too.
M and I were desperate. Resigned that by tonight we would have all kinds of drama and would have to kick him out again. We did not know how he could get a position. He wears a hoody all the time. He did not shave. He looks like a thug. A handsome thug.
And guess what? He called about 130pm saying this: I have kinda good news. I got a full time position as a volunteer at the food bank. I start tomorrow at 7 am. It's Monday through Friday. The director is writing up the paperwork right now to verify it.
Who knows what will come of this. I will try to take it one day at a time. Hard. He has not had a regular, full time job, either volunteer or paid for maybe 7 years. He has worked but casually, a week at a time, at most.
It's hard to hold onto hope. The reality is I'm afraid to hope. I get panic stricken. But I realize that's all we really have.
I know he could have gotten a paid position there at the food bank but he's afraid to demonstrate that he can work at a job, for fear he will lose the SSI. I kept my mouth shut.
Writing all of this, makes me afraid. I don't want to have to write tomorrow and tell you all, how it all fell apart. You know how that is. But at the same time, I don't want to be afraid to hope. That would be even worse.
Thank you very much for being here. Besides M, I don't have anybody else in my life really, that would understand.
My son's been homeless off an on for 8 years. My son just had his 31rst birthday.
About 2.5 months ago my son came back here to our town after a number of months in the large, very expensive metro a few hours from here, where for the most part he was paying rent to sleep in a garden shed. Doing nothing. He did not ask for monetary help (he gets SSI, which doesn't make a dent in his expenses) while he was away, but in the near 3 months he's been back, he has not had enough money to get through each month. I have required he pay a reasonable rent.
He has shown no incentive to manage his money. He has offered to permit us to help with accountability, but as soon as his check arrives, all incentive to do anything differently evaporates. He is arrogant with money. And humble, even servile, without money. Two weeks of each month he has expected us to help with food, cigarettes, bottled water, etc. He pressures, whines, begs, acts morose, shows up at my house, etc. It's horrible.
We have learned to try to NOT help. Which makes our lives living hell. He hounds us day and night.
Despite this there have been a few positive changes. He has gone to doctors, including a therapist and a psychiatrist. He is smoking waay less marijuana, and he is not using it on my property. He is not coming home visibly high. He is NOT talking about the loony conspiracy theories (Gold Standard, Illuminati, Reptiles, clouds that are chem trails, vaccines, etc. OMG. So grateful that seems to have stopped.)
This month, on the first, he announced that for his birthday he wanted to take a trek in the northern part of our state. He has broached this before, and I told him if he wants me to maintain his room he needs to pay rent for the period he is gone.
So. He decided unilaterally that my terms were onerous, and I responded, leave, then. He had not given me any rent by the 4th of the month, only paid back M $140 that he borrowed when I hounded him. And when he said he wanted to come and talk, which meant he wanted more favorable terms, I said, leave.
He left town, and then immediately called M to see if he could come back. And then he took the train back here, and presented himself at the door (he lives with M.) 24 hours after he had left. He was back at the door.
So. There we were. In 6 days he had spent nearly half of his SSI check. There would have been no money left to pay rent, and to eat. What were we to do?
I was traumatized. Just over a year ago I had had to call the police repeatedly as he was squatting/sleeping (and peeing) in the yard, and coming to my house and depositing himself in my yard. It is very hard for me not to regress to panic, when things seem like they are going back to the worst.
So, this is what M and I decided to do.
I decided NOT to ask for rent, even though he did have the funds to pay it. Because that would have made him dependent upon me, for the rest of the month to support him. Instead we gave him 24 hours to find a full time job or volunteer position. If he had no job (confirmed in writing) by the end of today, he had to leave, immediately. He could earn more days one day at a time, by working--one day of confirmed work, for one day of lodging, until the end of the month.
Our backs were to the wall and his was too.
M and I were desperate. Resigned that by tonight we would have all kinds of drama and would have to kick him out again. We did not know how he could get a position. He wears a hoody all the time. He did not shave. He looks like a thug. A handsome thug.
And guess what? He called about 130pm saying this: I have kinda good news. I got a full time position as a volunteer at the food bank. I start tomorrow at 7 am. It's Monday through Friday. The director is writing up the paperwork right now to verify it.
Who knows what will come of this. I will try to take it one day at a time. Hard. He has not had a regular, full time job, either volunteer or paid for maybe 7 years. He has worked but casually, a week at a time, at most.
It's hard to hold onto hope. The reality is I'm afraid to hope. I get panic stricken. But I realize that's all we really have.
I know he could have gotten a paid position there at the food bank but he's afraid to demonstrate that he can work at a job, for fear he will lose the SSI. I kept my mouth shut.
Writing all of this, makes me afraid. I don't want to have to write tomorrow and tell you all, how it all fell apart. You know how that is. But at the same time, I don't want to be afraid to hope. That would be even worse.
Thank you very much for being here. Besides M, I don't have anybody else in my life really, that would understand.
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