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Parent Emeritus
A little bit of hope.
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 752698" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>I had to peruse some of this due to a headache. But I see there are likely some issues with him continuing the volunteer work and proof of hours.</p><p></p><p>I saw the word “hope.” That word can trigger me. It is such a mixed bag. After all , shouldn’t we have hope for our children? It “got” me every time. Just when she seemed to or seems to be improving, something hugely disappointing occurs. I suspect you are going through something similar. Forgive me if I’m off base.</p><p></p><p>Recently, for me personally, I’m going with a slightly “different” approach. I still “hope” she does better and learns from her errors etc, but I don’t put much energy into it. Maybe I can’t truly use the word “hope,” like one would use it traditionally. Maybe “it would be nice, it would be best, it would be a very nice thing to see...” I can’t control another person. So, “hope” in the traditional sense is not exactly “it.” I can no longer get personally invested in any outcome. I say this, but I have my bad moments...</p><p></p><p>Also...maybe a little similar to what you might go through are the ideas re helping or not helping. Ugh. This conversation in some weird way comes up almost daily. We have strict boundaries (good!) but there are a few occasions when we loosen up. She absolutely needs to abide by the boundaries and is slow to understand when something is a legit exception OR might abuse (lie) to make something seem like a legit exception. Right now we are just playing our cards:</p><p></p><p>1. Set boundaries</p><p>2. VERY rarely budge</p><p>3. Will consider budge on a rare exception which we will try to verify. Otherwise...no exception.</p><p>4. Repeat</p><p>5. As best as possible keep emotions out of it</p><p>6. As much as possible and as appropriate, be polite and kind to difficult adult child</p><p>7. Enhance boundaries...pull out logical consequences for inappropriate behaviors.</p><p></p><p>I hope this makes a little sense. I’m a little stronger this second. But I have days that I’m not.</p><p></p><p>This site is so helpful. You’ve been very helpful to me and many others.</p><p></p><p>This is a burden few fully understand.</p><p>I did read you have a sense of peace...this is very good. </p><p></p><p>Please keep us posted.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 752698, member: 4152"] I had to peruse some of this due to a headache. But I see there are likely some issues with him continuing the volunteer work and proof of hours. I saw the word “hope.” That word can trigger me. It is such a mixed bag. After all , shouldn’t we have hope for our children? It “got” me every time. Just when she seemed to or seems to be improving, something hugely disappointing occurs. I suspect you are going through something similar. Forgive me if I’m off base. Recently, for me personally, I’m going with a slightly “different” approach. I still “hope” she does better and learns from her errors etc, but I don’t put much energy into it. Maybe I can’t truly use the word “hope,” like one would use it traditionally. Maybe “it would be nice, it would be best, it would be a very nice thing to see...” I can’t control another person. So, “hope” in the traditional sense is not exactly “it.” I can no longer get personally invested in any outcome. I say this, but I have my bad moments... Also...maybe a little similar to what you might go through are the ideas re helping or not helping. Ugh. This conversation in some weird way comes up almost daily. We have strict boundaries (good!) but there are a few occasions when we loosen up. She absolutely needs to abide by the boundaries and is slow to understand when something is a legit exception OR might abuse (lie) to make something seem like a legit exception. Right now we are just playing our cards: 1. Set boundaries 2. VERY rarely budge 3. Will consider budge on a rare exception which we will try to verify. Otherwise...no exception. 4. Repeat 5. As best as possible keep emotions out of it 6. As much as possible and as appropriate, be polite and kind to difficult adult child 7. Enhance boundaries...pull out logical consequences for inappropriate behaviors. I hope this makes a little sense. I’m a little stronger this second. But I have days that I’m not. This site is so helpful. You’ve been very helpful to me and many others. This is a burden few fully understand. I did read you have a sense of peace...this is very good. Please keep us posted. [/QUOTE]
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A little bit of hope.
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