Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A little bit of hope.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752724" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I was reading an article about homelessness in California. Specifically, San Francisco. In the Bay Area in the past year or so homelessness has gotten astronomically out of control. Any freeway on ramp has rows and rows of tents and cardboard houses, as do the sides of train tracks, for example, up and down the state. Thousands and thousands of people. At best, living in tents. The article talks about businesses that have to deal with homeless people outside of their businesses, and the garbage and lack of hygiene and disorderliness and chaos they bring.</p><p></p><p>This writer spoke about a gulf between how homeless advocates see the situation, and the public at large. Homeless advocates see this as a problem of poverty, of a lack of housing. Increasingly the public, this article argues, sees it in moral terms, as a drug problem, as a failure of these people's families to take care of their own, mentally ill, unequipped children. She argued that family ties have eroded. The solution, she says reside in family ties.</p><p></p><p>I reacted with concern, partly agreeing, partly not.</p><p></p><p>I looked at the woman's credentials and she works out of the Manhattan Project which is a conservative think tank.</p><p></p><p>Am I responsible for how my child lives? Even after all that I have done HE holds me responsible. M and I are his ONLY solution. As long as we do for him, he looks for little more. Of course I have to look in the mirror. </p><p></p><p>As the family of a homeless person, I am part of the problem. But not as the article presents. I think helping IS enabling, as well as helping. I think I perpetuate the problem with my son as much or more, by helping him. At the same time, I believe that as a parent, I have a role. What and how to do what should be done, I have yet to find a solution. My son has strong family ties. But his family can't solve his problem. And if he is unable to? If he lacks the capacity? What happens next? M and I don't know. Is it correct that he live on the street when he has a family? I met people In AA who got their lives back, by falling. But some people just fall and fall. I recognize that I don't control the outcome. My issue is, how far to go, how many times is enough? When to know it is the end of the line. For now.</p><p></p><p>We're taking one day at a time. The reality is we don't know what to do. If somebody disavows any responsibility for themselves, and this is a personality trait, what does one do? Take responsibility to support them step by step or let them go? Can a solution be found by doing both?</p><p></p><p>M's latest idea, and I'm letting him run with it, because he's owning it, is to let J in tonight to shower and eat. With this: <em>go to work tomorrow and work 7 hours. Bring us the proof you worked last week, and no marijuana. If you don't work and you use marijuana, either on or off our property, you're gone. </em></p><p></p><p>If this does not go the direction we need I will have to go to live in the house with M in order to confront my son, each time he returns to the house. We're tightening this up. Eventually, there will be nothing left in the circle. Either my son will up his game and decide to work harder with us or not. My son will decide his own life. Not me. I don't want to call the police, like I did last year. It only makes me weaker.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752724, member: 18958"] I was reading an article about homelessness in California. Specifically, San Francisco. In the Bay Area in the past year or so homelessness has gotten astronomically out of control. Any freeway on ramp has rows and rows of tents and cardboard houses, as do the sides of train tracks, for example, up and down the state. Thousands and thousands of people. At best, living in tents. The article talks about businesses that have to deal with homeless people outside of their businesses, and the garbage and lack of hygiene and disorderliness and chaos they bring. This writer spoke about a gulf between how homeless advocates see the situation, and the public at large. Homeless advocates see this as a problem of poverty, of a lack of housing. Increasingly the public, this article argues, sees it in moral terms, as a drug problem, as a failure of these people's families to take care of their own, mentally ill, unequipped children. She argued that family ties have eroded. The solution, she says reside in family ties. I reacted with concern, partly agreeing, partly not. I looked at the woman's credentials and she works out of the Manhattan Project which is a conservative think tank. Am I responsible for how my child lives? Even after all that I have done HE holds me responsible. M and I are his ONLY solution. As long as we do for him, he looks for little more. Of course I have to look in the mirror. As the family of a homeless person, I am part of the problem. But not as the article presents. I think helping IS enabling, as well as helping. I think I perpetuate the problem with my son as much or more, by helping him. At the same time, I believe that as a parent, I have a role. What and how to do what should be done, I have yet to find a solution. My son has strong family ties. But his family can't solve his problem. And if he is unable to? If he lacks the capacity? What happens next? M and I don't know. Is it correct that he live on the street when he has a family? I met people In AA who got their lives back, by falling. But some people just fall and fall. I recognize that I don't control the outcome. My issue is, how far to go, how many times is enough? When to know it is the end of the line. For now. We're taking one day at a time. The reality is we don't know what to do. If somebody disavows any responsibility for themselves, and this is a personality trait, what does one do? Take responsibility to support them step by step or let them go? Can a solution be found by doing both? M's latest idea, and I'm letting him run with it, because he's owning it, is to let J in tonight to shower and eat. With this: [I]go to work tomorrow and work 7 hours. Bring us the proof you worked last week, and no marijuana. If you don't work and you use marijuana, either on or off our property, you're gone. [/I] If this does not go the direction we need I will have to go to live in the house with M in order to confront my son, each time he returns to the house. We're tightening this up. Eventually, there will be nothing left in the circle. Either my son will up his game and decide to work harder with us or not. My son will decide his own life. Not me. I don't want to call the police, like I did last year. It only makes me weaker. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A little bit of hope.
Top