A little different of a question?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by kellyberthiaume, May 27, 2008.

  1. kellyberthiaume

    kellyberthiaume Kelly B.

    This is not like any subject that I've heard since I've been with you guys, but here goes. Do any of you have a husband that spends too much time out in the garage or outside, away from the family? My husband is a great provider, he goes to work everyday and comes straight home. Only to go right into the garage and build something or outside to do "yard work". I can just call out to him if I need something and he's there. But everyday!? Never in the house, doesn't sit on the couch with us as a family. DOES eat with us at the table, but then in the shower and right to bed. QT only once in a blue blue blue moon. I don't say anything to him 'cause at least he's there, but inside it hurts sometimes. I'm always inside with the 3 boys doing all the family stuff. The cooking, cleaning, hugging, playing, talking, homework, projects, and even the yelling, and dealing with all the things we as parents have to deal with. He brings home the bacon, and I stay home. Actually, I do put in 20 hrs/week , so I am contributing a little. But mostly I do the mental job at home and he rarely contributes to that. He is a great provider though. I painted an honest picture for all of you. So let me have it! Am I being too easy on him, or should I get on him to be with us more? You be the judge!;)
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I think that this is very common.

    I wonder if the day-to-day dealings with the kids and the house are either too much for him to handle (guys operate on logic, women operate on emotion, and when you are dealing with mental illness, men equate that with emotion a lot) or if he feels like he is in a role, you are in a role, they are gender specific, so all is well?

    My dad did this a LOT. My mom told me when I got older that she complained to her mom about it (my grandmother). Grandma told her to buck up, "at least he is a good provider".

    I think that was advice given from someone who grew up in the olden days. If it bothers you, you have every right to discuss it with him.

    My advice is to make a date with him. Does not have to be a going out date, just make plans to spend some time with him. When you get that time, and you have his undivided attention, talk to him about it. Tell him exactly what you just said. But don't so it when you are upset. He could get defensive.

    Best of luck to you sweetie.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am going to move this to watercooler since it is not difficult child related.
  4. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    When I find that this is happening in my home, which it does a lot, I tend to schedule outings, like day trips and things like that. I also just have a talk with him and tell him that I'm getting a little worn down and would like to have him take over some nights. I go out with my friends. You kind of have to take over the wheel with it and schedule it. There is just so much to do for them and they don't have enough time to do it, so schedule time out for him.
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    How would he react if you ask for 30 minutes or an hour of family time a night? Then you two could discuss when to have that time....is it during homework time, meal preparation, bath/bed time, etc. That way he still gets to have his 'thing' and you get to have some help and family time and the kids get some time with dad. And then include him...don't make it all about this is your responsibility. Make it true family or parent/child time. He may see that he enjoys it and start to include himself more.

    As an aside, the color font you used is really hard on my eyes...makes it very difficult to read. I look funny squinting at the screen. :tongue:
  6. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    I do have to come out and tell my husband that I need time with him, or that we need family time. My husband is a true difficult child and always has to have a million things going at one time. Right now, during the week, he takes karate 2xs, guitar lessons one night a week, is obsessed with playing his guitar in our spare bedroom, oh and he is a work out aholic...he loves being at the gym. All this plus he is a nurse and works 12 hour shifts. It surprises me that we even get to see him. But I have to bring him back to earth and just remind him that we need some time with him.
    I think what you are saying is very valid and it sounds like you have a good relationship with him. Just open up and tell him very lovingly that you want to spend some time with him. We go on dates and also we will have a family game night from time to time and let the kids each pick their favorite board game, I will make pop corn too. Just my 2 cents.
  7. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    hmmm sounds like avoidance tactics.

    I would've preferred S2BX out on the garage building then in the computer chair passed out and inebreated.

    But I understand you're feelings, abandoned but not really, it's more of an emotional detachment, sounds like you need a date night.
  8. kellyberthiaume

    kellyberthiaume Kelly B.

    Well, thank you to all of you. And I'll try to stay away from the brighter colors too. And may I ask, what does SB2X mean? Also, is there a page that will fill me in on all the lingo and abbreviations? As you know I am new. Thanks guys!:peaceful:
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest