a long post to empty my mind


Active Member
<span style='font-family: Microsoft Sans Serif'>since tuesday I hava had some really bad days. but I am learning. for two days I laid around and cried a lot.

thursday night my older son sat and talked with me about relationships. nick has been in several including one wherein he asked for some space with a 5 yr galpal. when he realized what a huge mistake it was, he tried unsuccessfully to get her back. she is now married and has a son. it still haunts nick that he let her go. Nick said boyfriend will come to his senses and it might be too late.

boyfriend called both weds and thurs nights and said he is sick at heart, unable to sleep, his stomach acting up and he cannot even stay in his livingroom because I am not there. he said he misses our coffee and talks. he said he hopes this is not permanent. he said he feels guilty when he looks at me because he does not feel deserving of me, he said he knows he looks at other women. I asked him why he was calling and he said it was to check on how I was doing. he said "dont you want me to call you anymore?" I told him I was not turning this into a phone relationship so he could ease his mind or help him sleep at night if he was lonely. I reminded him he was free now and could go out, call the lady he was emailing and email anyone he wanted to. I told him he should be happy and enjoy his freedom. he said he didnt want to do that. then I said I had to go. he was muttering that he would be talking to me and I said "I love you Goodbye" He was so quiet I think he said goodbye and I hung up.

nick insisted I call a neighbor and make her go out friday night. I forced myself to call her. she is a year older and widowed for 20 yrs. she has dated a lot but in talking to her, I know she is not interested and does not need men for anything. she is a happy single. I came home and went to bed but got sick to my stomach again. I called ant and told him I felt anxious and lonely. he was out with friends. he came right home and laid on my bed, hugging me. he told me that when he was in a cell in isolation I was writing him and reminding him he was not alone and that God was with him. he told me how strong I was against him. he said "get strong mom get strong!!"

I called another neighbor and she said her husb was going out sat night to a function and offered to take me to dinner. I forced myself to go and she was a very good listener. I came home stayed up late but did finally fall asleep. I woke up remembering that God has said he will never leave or forsake us. I know God will comfort me.

this morning ant called danielle and made arrangements with her that kaleb should go home. she is flying back tonight from her visit with some guy she used to know in texas. he packed up kaleb and has someone at Kaleb's apartment there to watch him and they left. I cried and was about to get in bed and my sister in law called and insisted I go to their house for today.

So I am keeping busy.

I found this and am going to abide by it:

Sandra Ann Miller lays down the law for the brokenhearted. She has created 10 essential ground rules to prevent the recently jilted from making the most common breakup mistakes.

I, (state your name), do, hereby, solemnly swear that I will not behave in the manner of a crazy ex-girlfriend. I will not participate in foolish or destructive behavior. I promise to act in a dignified fashion and that means I will not do stupid things, no matter how I might rationalize them. Therefore, I vow the following:
--I will not call him. No matter what good or bad news I think he should hear only from me, I will not call him. Even if I am convinced it will make me feel better, I will not call him. I will not call him even to get my stuff. I'll have a friend do that, preferably via email.
---I will not email him. Not even an innocent and rather funny group email forward. I will not email him simply to give him back his stuff. I will not contact him at all.
---I will not frequent the places I know he goes to, even if I went there first and like it better. I acknowledge that this is not a pissing contest about territory. I know going to such places will hurt more than it will help. Until there has been some space and time between us, going to those places is asinine, can be viewed as stalker-ish and will be painful only to me.
---I will not encourage or allow friends to do anything foolhardy, even with my best interest at heart. That includes talking to him when they see him in public to let him know he is a jerk and he'll never do better than me, or to share that I am looking fabulous, got a promotion, bought a new house and am dating George Clooney (or the regional equivalent thereof).
---I will screen all of my calls. I will get caller ID, if necessary, and put "private call block" on my phone. I will not answer the phone unless I know who it is and am sure it's not him. All other calls will go to voicemail.
---I will not take his phone calls. I repeat, I will not take his calls.
---I will not return his phone calls or emails. If he is "just checking" to see how I am, I know he is really just checking to see if I think he's a jackass. He is looking for an ego stroke, not to get back together, and I know this because he did not start out the communication with, "I am sorry. I made a mistake. I want us to get back together."
---I will not look for signs that we will get back together. This includes asking the Magic-8 Ball or tarot card readers and the like. The only professional guidance I will seek will be that of a licensed therapist or member of the clergy.
---I will not believe this is temporary. I will see this as permanent until proven otherwise by concrete actions, immense apologies and couple's therapy.
---I will not hide under a rock, be humiliated or ashamed that this relationship ended. For all I know, this could be the best thing that ever happened to me. And I believe the wonderful stuff I deserve is on its way.
---I promise to abide by these vows for at least thirty (30) days, or until I have gotten over him, whichever is longer. This is about me feeling better and that has nothing to do with him.

This I do affirm. So help me.</span>


Well-Known Member
I'm glad to know, as hard as it is, you are not isolating yourself. You are getting out of the house.

I really like the ten essential "rules".

Especially, this one seems appropriate in this situation:

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> If he is "just checking" to see how I am, I know he is really just checking to see if I think he's a jackass. He is looking for an ego stroke, not to get back together, and I know this because he did not start out the communication with, "I am sorry. I made a mistake. I want us to get back together." </div></div>



Active Member
those are good vows. I can remember breaking a few of those when I was heartbroken. I wish I had those to abide by when I went through that.

You know God works in his ways. Ant sounds like he got the kick in the :censored2: that he needed to straighten back up again and realize that you need him to lean on this time instead of the other way around.

Keep yourself busy.

saving grace

New Member
Love the list. I have broken just about all of them at one time or another and because there is a list I assume most women have broken a few as well.

Good for you Janet, I know how hard it is to get up and go out and put on a smile. It is so easy to just lie in bed.
I knew the universe would align Ant to redeem himself. He is a sweetheart and the Man you raised. I am proud of him for being there for you and being mature and not running out to knock boyfriend block off.

Your a very lucky women to have 2 great sons.

Hang in there



Well-Known Member
Ant came home to comfort you??? Give him a hug from me! That is the sweetest thing! Wow - that is one good son who loves his mom.

You are doing good Janet! I am proud of you. I broke some of those rules,,,I am glad it is only for 30 days though.

One day at a time. Keep busy. Think about yourself. Make Janet happy.


New Member
Yes! This could be the best thing that ever happened.

The wonderful life you deserve is waiting!!!!

Take care and know I wish only the best for you.

God couldn't send Mr.Right with Mr. Wrong in the picture.

Trust God, he will never forsake you. When you least expect it your prayers will be answered


New Member
I am glad you are doing better and are building your resolve. I am glad to see that Ant is being good to you and that your friends and neighbors are supportative. I do like the list. -RM


New Member
I like the list, too. I hope your pain heals quickly and your life becomes what it should, with who it should be. Give your son a hug, that was so sweet of him. You do have great sons, you have raised them well.