A new question for the day

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by slsh, Feb 27, 2008.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I tell ya', the hits just keep on coming. These past 2 weeks have left me with my brains dribbling out my ears - I missed the *obvious* answer to this one, presented to me by TLP staff today:

    "Do we agree with these diagnoses?"

    Good old Starbie does nonsensical responses typed out far better than me, over in the PE forum, but I do seem to recall the sound of my jaw hitting the floor sometime after I began babbling with a stutter.

    I can't even begin to discuss 2 of the diagnoses - ancient history, I personally don't think they're applicable, accurate, or relevent, but they've been on Axis I since Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #3, I think more because of thank you's perseveration at that point about the incident and the fact that some therapists latch onto it like a dog with a bone. Whatever.

    But... at this late date we're questioning BiPolar (BP) with- psychotic features? Holy cow. Their position is they unquestionably see the depression but they don't see the mania. Here's where brain leakage comes in - d'ya think that might *possibly* be related to the fact that he's been on 2 helpful medications for 10+ years??? I missed that completely - duh.

    What I did manage to say is that I don't really care what they call it. The Depakote and Risperdal have had an absolute positive effect. They can call it Tyleritis for all I care, just don't mess with what little *is* working right now.

    They don't want to send thank you off into the adult world with incorrect diagnoses. Ok. They feel BiPolar (BP) has been far over diagnosed because kids with behavior problems simply do not fit into DSM so some professionals push and pull and twist DSM to fit our kids. Ok, I can buy that too. I've felt for a long time that BiPolar (BP) isn't a perfect fit for thank you but I'm not sure there is a perfect fit, but again, when the medications have a positive effect, can we not mess with it?? I didn't ask where they were heading with this. I really just don't want to know right now. Pretty sure it's not a good place.

    Other highlights of the past 2 weeks: He's far too high-functioning to be placed in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) again. More supervised TLP program is not on approved list for grant. As of right now, graduation (aka loss of funding) is scheduled for 6/2009 (as in *next* year), although he is flunking rather spectacularly so his muleness may buy us another year. He is not a candidate for the adult side of current TLP program because over there, they actually demand compliance with rules (why there and not in teen program is a good question, one I'm too brain dead/scared to ask). He admires his friend V who was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #2 with him, was in this TLP until he aged out, and now lives on the street - but V sticks to his principles and that's "awesome". I told thank you I thought principles have probably brought little warmth to V's life this very cold and snowy winter. Throw in an overabundance of exposure to thank you's circular thinking and.... I'm looking for ear plugs (noise reduction or brain retention, take your pick).

    thank you will be coming home every weekend now. This will insure that he:

    - Wears socks and clean underwear at least 2.5 days a week.
    - Will be monitored by someone with a clue for signs of cutting and level of depression 2.5 days a week.
    - Will be away from "peers" for 2.5 days a week.
    - Will be exposed to something approximating "normal" life 2.5 days a week.
    - Will take a bath 3 days a week.
    - Will take clean clothes and hygiene products back to TLP weekly, though there's no guarantee they'll be used (husband bought a slew of travel toothpaste, shampoo, soap, deodorant, etc., and a new one of each will return with thank you every Sunday). I'm buying cases of socks on Saturday and he'll get 7 pairs to take with him every Sunday (stock in Hanes should be going up, LOL).

    It's a poor solution in the long run but I don't know what else to do with a kid who refuses to engage in his own life, and I'm not finding anyone else who has any ideas. I'm also not taking bets on how long it will be before he refuses home visits - he was already getting a little squirrely this morning after only 1.5 days here.

    And the beat goes on.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member


    I certainly don't envy you right now. I think I would have blown a cork at the meeting. I'm very concerned about the toll this 2.5 days a week will take on you and the rest of the family. Do you have a crisis plan in place?
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I too hope they don't mess with the medications that are working. Gentle hugs to you.
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    FWIW, my son had neuropsychologist testing in December 2006, and the diagnosis came back Major Depressive Disorder because the neuropsychologist never saw mania. Just like thank you, J was on Depakote at the time. Our psychiatrists have told us that Depakote is very good at controlling mania. It's so good in fact that it can push the mania so far down that depression ensues. When J entered day treatment a year later (December 2007), he wasn't taking Depakote, and the program psychiatrists saw mania in just about everything he did.

    I don't think you need to remove either Risperdal or Depakote if you feel they're working, but you may need to add something to address thank you's depression. thank you is on no medication that treats depression. In addition, while Propranolol treats anxiety, it can also depress as a side effect. As I'm sure you know, Lamictal might be a good choice because it addresses the depressive end of mood disorders. Seroquel is another medication that addresses both anxiety and depression (in addition to mania and mood instability).

    If thank you is less depressed, he might be more willing to engage in his own life (as well as attend to hygiene and not fail classes). At least that's what logic would dictate. But as we all know, there's nothing very logical about GFGdom.

    Hope things settle down soon.
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    What is the 2.5 days a week supposed to accomplish? What is the crisis plan in place? This group of people is aware of your recent back injury & your oldest son's severe disability- correct?

    I see so much of my wm in your thank you, it scares me. wm truly believes that if he can come home on weekends that his behaviors & choices will automotically change. That within a month he'll b placed back home - doesn't matter if that move puts anyone else at risk. As long as wm is happy.

    I worry for you & the rest of the family. Especially if thank you is already getting a bit squirrely.

    How are Boo, Weeburt & Diva handling all these sudden changes? I can't imagine it's too easy for them. They've had a somewhat "normal" home life existence for a bit now & have truly appreciated that time with mum & dad.

    by the way, yesterday was my Walmart red cup day - sounds like today may be yours. Yup, I still have it - how about you?

    As to all those questions - what does it really matter at this point? Yes, you want the right diagnosis's & such; mental health is such a pliable science thank you's diagnosis could flip tomorrow & we'd all be left literally with ear dripping out our ears. Blindsided!

    Take care, my friend. AND please stop with these questions - I already have the headache from he!!. This just makes matters worse. :crazy2:

  6. judi

    judi Active Member

    Sue - I'm so very sorry. I just don't have much more to offer. My son has been on the streets (when he was 18) but at almost 23 he now likes an apartment! Sometimes actually being on the street changes their thinking.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wish I had some words of wisdom. Thanks for the update.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I think this is the waiting game that we were warned about. It's where you and I and everyone else with a severely messed up difficult child child has got to look at that child and say one of two things:

    1.) You are 18, you have no education, you have no job, no skills, you have made very poor choices for yourself and I as your parent can no longer continue to help you. Your choices have affected us to the point where I now question my own sanity - so you are on your own. Goodbye.
    -child leaves
    -child bounces around from friend to friend mooching for a while
    -child hits rock bottom and hits a lot of walls to the point he changes
    -parent has mixed emotions about child leaving
    -parent has no idea where child's next meal is coming from
    -parent either adjusts to life without child and lives, or worries over child to the point it destroys their life.

    If it is the latter - (parent worries over child to the point it's destroying them) we usually bail them out of whatever, pray that they'll be so overcome with our generosity and love that it changes them, but it doesn't really and we repeat the same day over and over but now instead of difficult child being the only one in knots everyone is upset and in knots - but NOT worrying about where the child is to the point it destroys their lives - they're asking to be destroyed one day at a time over A BUNCH of things.


    Parent loves their child, but admits they did everything they could then adjusts to life without the child, lives their lives and believes it is really too bad about the choices their kids make - but realizes they have a life, and their child has to live theirs and suffer whatever consequences comes their way.

    I so very badly want to be in that last category.

    Sending thank you home on the weekends doesn't sound so bad - but why? If this is an attempt to continue to let thank you know his family is supporting him and loves him couldn't that be done with weekly visits at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), or a day trip?

    I'm not sure that putting the rest of the kids in the house in a panic state is the right thing to do. (Laugh if you want) but our dogs are like children and there have been times when we thought about what Dude being home for a weekend would do to them. That's just sad.

    I know after so many Residential Treatment Center (RTC) deals - that if thank you is not compliant in your home - you will take him back. Not much of a plan B but at this point I know it is the only one you have.

    I guess all I can tell you is to love thank you while he's home - take lots of pictures, and plan outings that everyone can enjoy to some degree - and make the most out of buying socks - since he changes his socks more than his underwear and socks are cheaper - I'd say you got the better end of that deal. ~ huh...disposable socks purchased by the case - sock snob loves the idea.

    I'm just sending you hugs and hoping things remain positive -
    As far as diagnosis him at this stage of the game? Hey - if it helps him get SSI or Tefra(medicaid) into a situation that can give him Integrated Listening Systems (ILS)(indep. living skills) then - fine.

    I often wondered with Dude - if we set NO clothes out would he have begged to change? But I'm evil Mom for thinking so - and Dude is a clothes horse - he changes clothes more times a day than a rabbit has babies.

    Our Maytag Atlantis wore slap out in 4 years - we tell everyone it was from Dude changing clothes so much and washing them.