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A talk with my mom
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 219150" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Wynter, it's a good idea to have relationships with whomever you are comfortable and able to set limits with. </p><p></p><p>My folks divorced when much older. (I was married with difficult child already) My dad chose to have no relationship with us since none of the 5 kids took sides. It didn't help that he was very difficult and vindictive. Many years later when dad had his first and second stroke, he contacted us. I offered him a place to recover. He stayed 3 yrs until his death in our home. My mom was majorly miffed (she is an over the top emotional drama queen). She yelled and cried on the phone. Finally, it got pushed too far. I told her I answer to no one but my God, My husband and myself and not necessarily in that order. I have never looked back. Once I set that limit she tolerated it. Now I am in the process of caring for mom. She didn't get that we don't get to pick our family and we have choices to interact with them or not. I am at peace with my course of action in terms of having a relationship and taking some responsibility for elderly family. </p><p></p><p>Anyhow, as long as the relationship with grandmother is on terms you are comfortable with, it's good. I think it was very wise to talk and reassure your mom that being involved with one doesn't mean you are choosing sides. Your mom is always your mom. Good for both of you for talking it out instead of harboring anger or hurt.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 219150, member: 3"] Wynter, it's a good idea to have relationships with whomever you are comfortable and able to set limits with. My folks divorced when much older. (I was married with difficult child already) My dad chose to have no relationship with us since none of the 5 kids took sides. It didn't help that he was very difficult and vindictive. Many years later when dad had his first and second stroke, he contacted us. I offered him a place to recover. He stayed 3 yrs until his death in our home. My mom was majorly miffed (she is an over the top emotional drama queen). She yelled and cried on the phone. Finally, it got pushed too far. I told her I answer to no one but my God, My husband and myself and not necessarily in that order. I have never looked back. Once I set that limit she tolerated it. Now I am in the process of caring for mom. She didn't get that we don't get to pick our family and we have choices to interact with them or not. I am at peace with my course of action in terms of having a relationship and taking some responsibility for elderly family. Anyhow, as long as the relationship with grandmother is on terms you are comfortable with, it's good. I think it was very wise to talk and reassure your mom that being involved with one doesn't mean you are choosing sides. Your mom is always your mom. Good for both of you for talking it out instead of harboring anger or hurt. [/QUOTE]
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