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A tough question to answer ...
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 740577" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>SWOT and Copa, so much resonates for me in both of your posts. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. I have been here, too. Like you, I’ve learned through therapy and trial and error what I need to do to stop the spiral when it starts, most of the time. I never found a medication that worked for me - they all seemed to push me into mania or ramp up anxiety or other symptoms. CBT has been the most helpful thing, and something I would love to see my children try. It’s been a lot of work, but most of the time I can avoid staying in the abyss. Of course, having a supportive loving partner and a calm, peaceful home make all the difference in the world too. A big part of what I’ve learned is how to organize my life to avoid triggers. Eat well. Get plenty of sleep. Exercise. Stay on a predictable schedule. And when all else fails and the demons come anyway, work on my CBT. I actually have been trying a couple CBT apps. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Me as well. SWOT, I totally relate to this. My family of origin wasn’t abusive so much as just profoundly oblivious. We were a classic mid western stoic stiff upper lip family. Don’t complain. Keep your head down. Dont stand out. Do your duty. If something bad happens it was probably your fault so no point talking about it or complaining. My dad, who I probably got my aspie traits from as well as my depression, was the model of suffering in silence - until he decided he could suffer no more. My mom just didn’t want to see or acknowledge anything was different or wrong with me. So I had to flounder around and figure things out on my own.</p><p></p><p> I have mixed feelings about it - it sure would have been nice to understand myself better earlier. And the way I was raised definitely led to my getting sucked into an abusive marriage. On the other hand, being expected to do all the same things everyone else did with school and work forced me to develop skills I may not have if I’d been given the kinds of accommodations a kid like me would probably get now. Can’t wasnt an option. </p><p></p><p>I wouldn’t say I’ve outgrown being an aspie but I did finally learn the social skills and I’ve learned to self regulate or hide most other things (like what my kids call ‘the hand thing’ that still comes out under stress, or my discomfort in big box stores). </p><p></p><p>The bottom line is I don’t know what a more sheltered life with formal accommodations would have done. Maybe I’d be better, but who knows, maybe I wouldn’t have the skills to have my business now. Maybe I would have learned to accept limitations and be afraid of trying things outside my comfort zone. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree. I also know how hard it is. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think this is good. If he had aspirations, he can find them again. Or develop new ones. </p><p></p><p>One of the things that worries me about C and S is they don’t seem to have any, and never did. C said he wanted to be an astronaut until about 8th grade, not because he meant it but because he’d been saying it since he was 6 and didn’t have anything else to say. He never showed the slightest interest in space or science as he grew up, or took any concrete steps toward making it happen. But he never found anything more realistic or appropriate to his own interests and abilities to latch on to. S never did either. It was like they didn’t have any vision of themselves as adults at all. S didn’t even find any hobbies she enjoyed. We tried gymnastics, art, music, anything she expressed even slight interest in. Nothing stuck. I feel like this aimlessness and lack of goals and aspirations is a big part of their problem. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think this is a key insight. And where I am coming to as well.</p><p></p><p>Thank you both for giving me much to think about.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 740577, member: 23349"] SWOT and Copa, so much resonates for me in both of your posts. Yes. I have been here, too. Like you, I’ve learned through therapy and trial and error what I need to do to stop the spiral when it starts, most of the time. I never found a medication that worked for me - they all seemed to push me into mania or ramp up anxiety or other symptoms. CBT has been the most helpful thing, and something I would love to see my children try. It’s been a lot of work, but most of the time I can avoid staying in the abyss. Of course, having a supportive loving partner and a calm, peaceful home make all the difference in the world too. A big part of what I’ve learned is how to organize my life to avoid triggers. Eat well. Get plenty of sleep. Exercise. Stay on a predictable schedule. And when all else fails and the demons come anyway, work on my CBT. I actually have been trying a couple CBT apps. Me as well. SWOT, I totally relate to this. My family of origin wasn’t abusive so much as just profoundly oblivious. We were a classic mid western stoic stiff upper lip family. Don’t complain. Keep your head down. Dont stand out. Do your duty. If something bad happens it was probably your fault so no point talking about it or complaining. My dad, who I probably got my aspie traits from as well as my depression, was the model of suffering in silence - until he decided he could suffer no more. My mom just didn’t want to see or acknowledge anything was different or wrong with me. So I had to flounder around and figure things out on my own. I have mixed feelings about it - it sure would have been nice to understand myself better earlier. And the way I was raised definitely led to my getting sucked into an abusive marriage. On the other hand, being expected to do all the same things everyone else did with school and work forced me to develop skills I may not have if I’d been given the kinds of accommodations a kid like me would probably get now. Can’t wasnt an option. I wouldn’t say I’ve outgrown being an aspie but I did finally learn the social skills and I’ve learned to self regulate or hide most other things (like what my kids call ‘the hand thing’ that still comes out under stress, or my discomfort in big box stores). The bottom line is I don’t know what a more sheltered life with formal accommodations would have done. Maybe I’d be better, but who knows, maybe I wouldn’t have the skills to have my business now. Maybe I would have learned to accept limitations and be afraid of trying things outside my comfort zone. I agree. I also know how hard it is. I think this is good. If he had aspirations, he can find them again. Or develop new ones. One of the things that worries me about C and S is they don’t seem to have any, and never did. C said he wanted to be an astronaut until about 8th grade, not because he meant it but because he’d been saying it since he was 6 and didn’t have anything else to say. He never showed the slightest interest in space or science as he grew up, or took any concrete steps toward making it happen. But he never found anything more realistic or appropriate to his own interests and abilities to latch on to. S never did either. It was like they didn’t have any vision of themselves as adults at all. S didn’t even find any hobbies she enjoyed. We tried gymnastics, art, music, anything she expressed even slight interest in. Nothing stuck. I feel like this aimlessness and lack of goals and aspirations is a big part of their problem. I think this is a key insight. And where I am coming to as well. Thank you both for giving me much to think about. [/QUOTE]
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